Sindhura Reddy

Drama

5.0  

Sindhura Reddy

Drama

God's Simple Answer

God's Simple Answer

8 mins
211


The flickering light of the candle was on the verge of its last few moments. But for it, the room was pitch dark. An unused and unopened bottle of lavender oil lay still on the little table. Sathya preferred darkness over the light. Darkness was the bitter truth, after all. The ray of hope, on the other hand, was only a myth. A false promise. Darkness resonated with the real state of her life.


At thirty-three, she was just about recuperating from an excruciatingly painful divorce and the long loved job of ten years. Sathya’s marriage of three years felt more desolate and insecure than all the painful years of the past. She believed she had tried her best in saving it; however, her partner constantly reminded her of all the faults in her personality, he expected her to be a great daughter in law, sister in law and a perfect housewife- whether she fit the bill of a nice companion and if her independent working life was impressive at all to him was a big question!


He hated being close to her – physically and emotionally. When she questioned, he made lame excuses ranging from work pressure to Sathya’s immaturity to Sathya’s clingy behavior. He never once treated her like she belonged to his close circle. For three years, she put up quietly without revealing the slightest hint of cracks in her arranged marriage. When she realized that the relationship was irrevocably toxic and unproductive in every way, she did not mind living alone. 


Sathya had to feel obliged to be married to him and be an obedient maid, a slave to the entire family and blindly let the husband do the talk be it the finances or the domestic decisions.


Sathya gathered the courage to say goodbye to a life that was bereft of self-respect.


Sathya – A Little Girl


Sathya’s mother had been the sole breadwinner of the family. Married at the age of fifteen to a stranger who was twenty years older than her, Sathya’s mother neither enjoyed the late teens nor a fulfilling relationship. At eighteen, she was deserted by the husband rather mercilessly. With an infant in hand, her mother had a choice between death and hard life. She chose the latter. Sathya saw her mother do two shifts of strenuous work. By the day, she was at a school caretaking the children and in the evening, she cooked meals for over four families. She brought whatever snacks the families were kind enough to share, just so her daughter could taste them.


Between Sathya and her mother, it was a love-hate relationship – with a lot of love and temporary dislike. Whenever Sathya complained too much, pestered her mother for expensive (unaffordable toys) toys, refrained from doing homework and skipped meals, her mother threatened to leave. On some occasions, she would threaten to die. At a tender age of four or five, Sathya was unable to comprehend the gravity of the statements. She blindly submitted to the orders. With passing years, Sathya was suffocated by her mother’s threats which were visibly absent in her friends’ lives. Sathya regretted her life quite early on.


A decade later, Sathya had grown physically and mentally, she was mature enough to fathom the goings-on in her mother’s life. Sathya’s mother went through too much in too little time with a bare minimum support system. In the weekends, she worked at a factory with very crazy labor laws and extended hours; she had consumed nameless pills to repeatedly postpone her periods just so the cramps she endured during the periods did not stop her from doing the work. Her health deteriorated; all of it Sathya’s mother did for the secure future, education, and happiness of her daughter.

She had the courage to move on from an oppressive husband who saw a wife and a daughter as an “unnecessary burden”.


Many years later, Sathya’s mother apologized for a multitude of times. Sathya confessed that her mother did not deserve to say sorry. Sathya had to be grateful to have had a wonderful mother like hers. Mother and the daughter became each other’s world. They became the best of friends. Sathya made her mother proud with her academic success and professional growth and ensured her mother ate healthy food, went on vacations and spiritual retreats, none but her mother deserved utmost love and pampering.


The Devastating Moment


Sathya’s life had always been about upheavals but she found hope in small joys. She had learned to find beauty in the smallest blessings. Until one day everything seemed like it is over. She was shattered beyond imagination. Sathya’s mother had died in an accident- totally unexpected. Sathya lost the purpose of her life; she was reluctantly admitted in the hospital for several months and eventually found her way out only to be confined in a therapy home anyway.


She volunteered at the old age homes and orphanages to forget the deepest lost yet, nothing worked. She bonded with people who had been through very similar turmoil; nothing though, in this massive world would console Sathya better than solitude, a lamp and hours of screaming at the top of her voice staring angrily at the tens of photos of various deities at home.


Her relatives who cared about Sathya did the most unkind thing post-Sathya’s mother’s death. They compelled her to get married, emphasizing that her mother would have been so very happy to see Sathya married. Sathya did not have a choice, she conceded. Yet again, she hoped against hope that things would fall in place once she had a partner for herself. 


The three years of marriage was equivalent to torture and a roller coaster of dangerously swaying extreme emotions. The only favor she could do to herself was to walk out. She did it.


God’s Own Simple Answer


Sathya remained in a cocoon for two years. She took the bits and pieces of her life and slowly, steadily began making sense out of everything-All the things that hurt her and damaged her included. She ate from her meager savings during this period.


 Constantly she murmured to herself – “Like my mother, I too have a choice. A choice between death and hard life. Like my mother, I too should and can go for the latter. “


During the two years, two days in a week she would feel sane. Another three days, she would sit in darkness and curse her life. A strong impression had been made that, darkness was the truth of her life and hope was a myth. Her life was a vicious contradiction of hope and despair.

For several months, everything she did seemed like a futile exercise of unproductive routine. 


In the morning, when Sathya tried meditating, inhale and exhale was never in perfect sync. It was very hard to maintain focus; sooner or later dreaded thoughts swam in her head.


Whenever she skipped seeing the doctor, the doctor drove to Sathya’s home herself. Her doctor stood by Sathya throughout the therapy. Two of Sathya’s best friends telephoned Sathya regularly and had happy conversations to assist Sathya in taking her mind off the sad spots of her life.


Sathya did not venture out much. She only took a few hours of online teaching for two years – the only time she dressed up fairly well in order to be presentable. She started to like her side hustle- she could talk to kids, help them do the math and answer their most innocent and sometimes, funniest questions.


She sat down to write in her journal before going to bed, every day.


What are the blessings in my life for which I am so grateful?

What makes me so angry and so sad and so lost? Do I have control over it? Did I cause it? Should I continue blaming my destiny for it?

Five reasons to be happy, right now?

The best opportunities I have in my life? Can I create some?

What do I want the most from my life?

Ten beautiful words to describe “beautiful me”  


 So on and so forth. On some days, she had absolutely no answers. Blank pages and empty mind.

Sathya scribbled random notes on some other days. No perfect answers whatsoever.

The questions found their right answers with continued efforts, dedication and proven time.


A Happy Ending


One ordinary day, at an unexpected moment, her mother’s voice became Sathya’s inner voice; she could hear a divine voice from within. Ideas, positive thoughts and energy started to flow into her life. She liked it. She enjoyed it thoroughly. She yearned for more of it. She held on to her so-called “futile routine”. After all, there was something valuable it offered, though it did take some time.


A Very Happy Beginning


From her mother’s demise to discovering her loving mother in all things around her and in her life, from a lost job and a gone relationship to finding a soul mate and a very satisfying job in a new country altogether, from being sullen to blooming into a joyous human being, from her failure past to the glorious present, throughout, none helped Sathya more than herself. Of course, wonderful people supported her. God surely blessed her with the right things at the right time several years on. However, a magical transformation was possible only when Sathya was ready to rekindle her inner spirits. This is the only simple answer god gave her – that, he helps those who help themselves and those who take the first step. Sathya did it rather gracefully.  


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