Falling In Friendship With You

I could feel your fingers running up and down my hair, caressing it so carefully as if you would damage it beyond repair with your touch. You paused playing with my hair, and I could feel those lips on my hair, gently pressing into them. You probably thought I was asleep by now, but I was far from being asleep.

Lying my head on your shoulder with my eyes closed gave me an unexplainable solace. I know you were still waiting for me, despite being so close to each other, we were still far from each other. My answer was what keeping us apart, and even though you wouldn't enunciate this but I already knew it.

How would I answer you when I couldn't answer myself, my fears still took the reign of me, my walls were still very high for you to climb inside, my heart was still struggling in the healing process. Despite all, you were still here, resting your head on the top of mine.

Did I still have it in me to love you with all I have? Would I be able to love you a bit like you love me? Or should I ignore all, and continue with this facade of friendship? Giving you the answer you silently pray for every day, meant to give love another chance, but the question 'Was I still capable of giving love another chance? ' lingered in the back of my mind like a leech sucking the blood out of me. But then, your face was all I saw behind my eyelids.

Everything we had shared was somehow engraved in my head, the sound of your laughter still vibrated in my ears, if I don't wish to love you back, then why does my heart bask in sheer delight in your presence? The day I came across you, my soul found its lost peace through the healing phase. You evoked the possibility of healing in my heart and mind. Whenever you held my hand, I found myself floating rather than drowning in my grief. Whenever you cracked those deprecating jokes of yours, I caught a smile playing on my lips. Whenever we talked, your words had the effect of locking up my fears and doubts away from me. Whenever you wrapped your arms around me, I could feel every cell inside me getting its life back. Your presence always put me at an ease, the dazzle of your soul was so blindingly bright that it would always erase the darkness swallowing me up. But still, would I be able to love you back?

After all these, my fears have still caged me in, shackled me from reaching out for you. What if you leave just like that? What if my heart is again sliced open when it still hasn't recovered from the mistake of falling in love? What if my smile leaves my lips again? What if I find myself drowning again? What if the darkness seeps into me again, devouring my every living cells as it courses through my soul, digging my wounds open again? What if I repeat the mistake of falling in love again?

But I wasn't falling in love with you, rather I was falling in friendship with you. Perhaps all you were asking was to fall for your friendship, while I let my fears of falling in love keep us apart. Wasn't it possible to name the invisible thing between us as friendship? Wasn't it possible to give your friendship a chance? Friendship wasn't the one to break me apart, friendship was the one to heal me bit by bit. Who knows, this very friendship might be the one to build me as a whole again..

I raised my head to take a look at you, only to feel peace putting me at ease, putting a stop to all my fears and questions. I unraveled myself from you, and walked towards the coffee maker as your eyes fluttered open. Confusion was etched on your face as I walked back with two mugs in my hand.

Your fingers ran across mine as I gave your mug to you, did I need more confirmation than this?

"Guess what, I think I've fallen in friendship with you. "- I say as I took in the smell of the coffee.

" You think? " -You mumbled with some semblance of surprise I could see the faint outline of the smile on your lips as you registered my words in your heart. I couldn't hold back mine when you kissed my forehead silently expressing that you know I actually have fallen in friendship with you perhaps a bit like the way you had..