Durga Puja At 41, Deblane, 2023

(5) Green for 

Prathoma (According to the Hindu Calendar last Sunday was the Prothoma.)

"Let's Pledge to Strengthen Atmiyata, Relationships with all our Heart and Conquer Krodh, Anger, This Durga Puja. Let's pledge to do good, think good to feel good."

On waking up, my elder daughter, Akanksha, with a dreamy look on her face, beaming, was heard saying," According to the Bengali Calendar, today is Prathoma. " Prathoma, is the first day of Goddess Durga's arrival at her earthly, natal home. She will be welcomed with full honour and rituals on the fifth day, known as Panchami. The Puja, the worship of Goddess Durga begins from then on and continues with all grandeur, glitter and ceremony for the next 5 days. 

I took part in the conversation that ensued afterwards. I find it difficult to recollect most of what we talked about in the morning but my wife, speaking of Babai, son of a nephew, exclaimed, "Ei bar Babai Pujote astey cheyechhey." This time Babai has shown interest in coming down for The Puja.

Finding the frown on my face, she went on to ask me, "Keno, tumi chaona ora asuk? " Why? Don't you want them to come? 

I said something to the effect that as long as Ma Durga stays at home, I have full hope and belief that nothing untoward will happen. But I am not sure of what is likely to happen once Ma is gone. What if some close relatives get infected as a result of coming together. What if there is a hike in the number of Corona patients after The Puja? What if some relatives are lost after The Puja? I couldn't help asking. 

"Didn't we lose Chhotonda and Khokonda soon after The Pujas?" My wife replied. "There was no outbreak of Corona then, right?"

I kept quiet. Both my wife and daughter didn't seem impressed with my reaction. What I realized as a result is, when your family who spends the best part of the day with you, fails to understand you, your feelings, it is futile to expect other close relatives to make out your intentions all that easily. They don't spend that much time with you after all! 

I was happy though with what they expressed at the end of the conversation. 

"Don't you want the close relatives to come and enjoy themselves for a few days during the festivities amidst such a depressing time when the whole world is caught up in the grip of the fear of the pandemic? "

I called Sis a little later. I just called to find out how she was doing. I wasn't surprised by what I had to tell her in the course of the telephonic conversation. I told her about my worry when I found a boy breaking some branches of a tree planted, most probably, by my late cousin in their garden. I told Sis that now I understood more why Tumpa, the younger daughter of the cousin, had to depend on Lakshman. 

Later I told Sis something I must have thought in my subconscious mind. I told her that I don't mingle with relatives much any more. I heard it from a late brother, Khokonda (Atish), that some of our relatives like Kalu Kaka, Satish Kaka were very close to us once. They were the sons of one of the brothers of my grandfather. We, the children of those uncles and ourselves, were close too. With the passage of time, all our ties with them got severed.

I understood something bothering me since the day before yesterday, after I had hung up the phone. I was waiting for my Sis-in-law to be done with her water-fetching task, (Gone are the days when the brothers-in-law felt ashamed even mentioning such a fact. As long as they were there, the sister-in-law, that too the widow of a late brother, was not supposed to do any such menial work!) I heard my Sister-in-law informing Sandha, a distant relative staying with my cousins for a long time that "ekta baccha biral barir bairey beriye gyachhey." A kitten had gone out of the house. 

I ought to have been proud of my Sis-in-law but unfortunately, I was not. When these cats are making life at 41 difficult, there is no point trying to be nice and kind to them. I heard my spouse speaking from the corridor inside:

"Keno, eto adikksheta dekhabar ki achhey! " What's the point of showing such excessive fondness! "

As the same thoughts were going through my mind, instead of trying to say something to defend my sister-in-law, I concurred with my wife at that time. 

Later, while going through the same scenes, something struck my mind. I can't say I have been very respectful to some of my own siblings, forget about being respectful to relatives. I ain't foolish enough to realize that their children will be paying me back in the same coin. They will have very little respect for me. 

I am hot-headed. When things go wrong or something happens that shouldn't have, in my opinion, I lose my sense of cool. I even shout at my elders. When I admitted this weakness to Mejdi many moons ago, she comforted me by saying that that is the characteristic of a democratic family. Elders of the family are not perfect. They have their failings and when they do something wrong, the youngers have every right to criticise them. Though there is a way of doing that. 

You know, dear reader, that I didn't talk to another sister-in-law very politely the other day. I could have just told her that she shouldn't have stepped inside my room with the chappals on. I forgot myself, thought she was one of those people who try to keep their feet clean without bothering about the cleanliness of other people. 

We were good friends once, this sister-in-law and I. So, when I came to know from my Sis yesterday that she had learned from Tumpa about her sickness and when Sis told me what Rajuda, my aged cousin, had to undergo, as a result, I felt sorry. I even told Sis to let him know that in case he needed any help, I was available. 

The bottomline is that I, who have no sense of respect and rarely speak good of others, was extending my genuine sympathies to my cousin through Sis! 

My own Sister-in-law must have felt the same way when she saw the kitten going outside the house. She might have called Sandha due to her genuine concern or whatever. The thing is I never think that I am always right while others are not. That's why I keep requesting people to point out my drawbacks on my face. 

The only person, who did that till date was my late eldest brother-in-law. There was a marriage ceremony going on at 41. He was not happy about the food being served to him. He came down and taking a seat on a chair in the courtyard, was complaining about this brother. He was like that. If he didn't like something, he wouldn't keep it to himself alone. Let me also tell you, in case you got it all wrong that my brother and brother-in-law were very close. 

Now being the eternal peacemaker that I considered myself to be till lately, I went out, sat on a nearby chair and tried to divert the topic by saying :

"Jamaibabu, amar ki dosh achhey balun? " Tell me about my drawbacks, Jamaibabu. 

"Jakhon tomar dosh dekhbo, bolbo." When I find you doing something wrong, I will let you know. 

This Brother-in-law, while we were heading to College Street on a rainy day, some years later, asked me to read "The Gita", the holy book of the Hindus. 

" Bappa, tor dosh holo, tui khub sahajei matha garom korey phelis. Krodh sambaron kortey shekh. Krodh sabkichhur pataner mul. Gita par. (The problem with you, Bappa, is that you lose temper very easily. Learn to conquer Anger which is the root cause of all downfalls. Read "The Gita".)

Some invaluable lesson from a well-meaning brother-in-law. It is another matter that till date I couldn't make the time to heed his advice and read the holy book. 

Life! What can a half-educated, simpleton like me, make out of life? If Life is beyond the comprehension of an ordinary mortal like me, it is not unreasonable to hope for the best and think that, in due course of time, relations between my daughters and the children of my siblings may not go through the same stages that we had to go through. It is only natural that while my daughters will be in touch with some, others will have to take the backstage. But if the other name of Life is Progress, relations amongst them all, will be far from artificial. Besides, it is not too much to hope that people in 41, will not be silly being hot-headed like me. 

On the Prathoma of The Puja, let me sincerely hope and pray for relationships between all and sundry, to be strengthened in the days ahead for united we stand. When we are divided, the culprit gets the cake ( Remember The Story of The Cats and The Monkey?) 

Happy Prathoma.