DEUTA - My Father

Father is always a "HERO" for his child. I call my father as Deuta.

Deuta did his Engineering from Nagoan Engineering institute, as a Mechanical Engineer. Later after his graduation, he got married to Maa who was 13 years younger to him. Maa a daughter of a farmer and Deuta, son of a Doctor. Dadu chose my maa for Deuta. Deuta was a NCC cadet and he marched in one of the Republic days in Delhi. Deuta had shared most of his pictures with me. Deuta had gifted me his Engineering instrument box and the drafting scale which i used during my Engineering. It was used by Deuta in 1968. Hmmm. my geometry box was the unique box in the class. Everyone used to ask me whose it is? I used to say " it's my deuta's". I even used the draft scale which was little band but i still used it. I have the paper scales to scaling even. I have treasured them still in my steel trunk.

Deuta looks more handsome in a suit and now he is in Dhoti and kurta with a bright chandan on his nose which reaches his forehead. In this attire, he is still handsome. I have seen him in his pictures when he was young. He looks so dashing. He was stylish and still, he is. 

Sometimes I call Deuta as Baba even. When I see Baba I feel he had enjoyed all his college life, hostel life, NCC life which he loved the most. He was even offered a job in Army, once after he was noticed by a officer when he marched in the Republic day, he told me once. He had such urge to join Indian army but his maa did not allow him. Later, he had to do his Engineering. Baba used to share his jolly days with me sometimes and i could feel how happy he used to feel while sharing.

We belong to a middle-class family even though my Dadu was a surgeon during such time. Baba is very different from all other siblings. And that is why everyone used to love him so much and even now. I have never seen baba saying something about others. He just used to keep quiet. He feels let it flow God is there. Everyone has their day.

When now Baba had gone old I could see how he feels for maa which he had never expressed to maa. I remember Baba used to go early morning 7:00 am to office. The office staff bus used to pick and drop him as the staff had to travel all along the Brahmaputra river to the Sariaghat bridge. He used to reach by evening 8:00 pm and while coming back to home Baba used to get me Gems every day. Every Durga puja he used to get all siblings a big packet of balloons. He used to get us the best dress but never saw him taking anything. Maa used to get him one banyan. Till today Baba needs a banyan in every Durga puja and cotton half pant which he stitches on his own at home.

We used to be almost 10 to 12 members in a family which runs only on Baba's salary. I don't know how he used to manage so many people. We used to live in a bamboo designed house and a mud floor which maa used to mop every day with water and cow dung, kerosene filled table lamps and lanterns to light our home. I don't know how Baba managed to grow up 5 children plus other members. We were sent to the best English medium schools and today what we are is all because of Baba. Baba never asked us what we are doing or how are studies are going on. It was only Maa who used to teach us. Maa being a 10th-standard schooled person, I don't know how she managed to teach us English and other languages. Really till today I wonder about it. Maa says," Chah hai tou rah hai." Maa is our first teacher. And today both Maa and baba are so proud of their children because everyone is well educated and established. 

Till today I feel two incidents were dream or reality. One was when I saw first time Baba and maa had a fight in the kitchen after that I never saw that again. So maybe it was a dream of childhood or it was my imagination which I never asked anyone till today.

The other incident was Baba was tired in his life managing. He was tired with office dirty politics and how to run the home. Baba never drinks but that day he drank and came home late. Maa was worried. She was waiting for him near the steps. Baba was climbing the steps with no balance and maa held him when he almost fell down saying: I cannot do it anymore, am tired. That was the first and the last baba drank. I really do not know whether it was a dream or imagination. I do not know if my siblings were aware of it if it was not a dream. I have never asked anyone about it. 

Baba had to go through so much of politics in office. He being senior his juniors used to play dirty with him. Baba cannot play such games. He is a simple man, humble and honest. Once it was like Baba had to stay in quarters of his office leaving us. We sometime used to go and stay there. Maa could not go as she had to look after her in-laws and other members here. I think once only she had been. Baba had to cook his own food. Somehow he used to manage. Baba had suffered lot during his job stage. He was suffering from health issues like bronchitis, breathing even. Somehow employees were being payed as company was also sinking. Later we hear that one of the X minister had sold the company to some xyz. Many employees were suffering as they had to lose their job. Baba due to his ill health had to take voluntary retirement in the year 2000. Later, Borda our elder brother had to take up all responsibilities and he had gives up all his likes for his younger sisters and brothers. Borda is more than brother and more of a shadow of father. I will pen down very soon about him. 

In these many years like till Engineering, I have never seen Baba enjoying his life with us or maa. But now I see him caring for maa, teasing maa, helping maa in kitchen, cutting vegetables, taking care when she is ill, teasing us, dancing with us, being jolly, having his favourite foods, wearing his lovely dresses, using branded watches and much more. He cannot stay without maa now. 

One day I asked maa, "Maa, was Baba like this earlier even?" Maa said, "no. He was never like this. He did not have time for me nor I had. We both were busy so much with responsibilities. But now, yes." I said, "yeah he is different."

I do not know what to say about Baba. I can only say that he is just down to earth, a pure heart with no regrets and left everything to the all mighty. I think I have never wished Baba Happy Father's Day or just once. May be 3 years back. Today even I did not wish him. I called him evening to wish but he did not respond. May be he did not hear the ring. Baba is old and he has hearing issue a bit. He is 83 running and back to his childhood. 

Thank you Deuta for everything. Till today when I feel I am tired and cannot manage anymore I just think about you, how you managed us and so many in your family. Thinking about you, inspires me when I break down at work and life. If you could do so much for us then why cannot we do it. It's not easy Baba, what you did for us. We being with no responsibility sometimes break down. But when I think about you i rise again. 

I love you Deuta.

30/4/2022/Hello Diary,

I thought I could write only what i had pen down about Baba in this short story. But i was wrong. Sigh! Hmmm. I had been last year home in the month of May during the 2nd wave of pandemic. We had work from home and i was all well working from Bangalore home but unfortunately I was down with ulcer again. All all god grace some how i recovered within 15 days and decided to go home so that I could spend some time with family. We were going home after two years almost and could not even meet maa after her ailment. We fly home and we were there for almost a month and came back by mid of June 2021. It was all days spent well , yeah! maa was unwell but as like now she is. Yeah she is very ill now and in very stage. Yes! I would pen down about maa very soon which is incomplete.

Okay where was i about Baba, when i was home last year May days were spent good. Oh! Yeah i forgot to write about Baba how creative he is. I would nt able to express much in writing but his works speaks. He can make use of anything which we say let's throw it , it's of no use. Baba is one who make use of it and he creates the best out of it which is unbelievable. Baba is 84 of his age and he is fabulous. By God grace he is fit and fine with all his 32 teeths not out. Yeah! Ha ha none of the teeth has fallen and when he smiles ha ha 🤣🤣 pan khatey hai pura muh lal rehta hai. 😂😂🤗. He is fair, shinny skin, lean and thin with complete white hair head. While coming back to Bangalore i hugged Baba tightly and he was all full hearted not able to cry out infront of his daughter. But i could feel his filled eyes and shaky voice trying to console me. His hands were shivering tapping my shoulder saying be strong, take care of your health. We shall take care of your maa. Still i ask myself why father's never cry even though they feel to? How do they stand so strong even at the bads days or weak moment of their life. That is why it think they are always called the real and favourite Hero for their child. Earlier i had never thought to hug Baba all my early age. It was like last 5 years i started feeling i have never hugged Baba anytime. I did not want to loose this chance at all. One day when he is no more i do not want to regret. He is growing old day by day and I started feeling what am loosing behind. First, i am staying away from family and him and now suddenly if i loose him. No i said to myself and it was the 2nd time is hugged Baba so tight. He said Ah! What you doing maa. He understood that I miss him and am going to miss him so so much. Nothing to share but everything was said even though unsaid. I love you Baba.

It's true said, what we do we have to repay and go. Yeah! I felt it this time when i was home. We had to suddenly visit home due to maa I'll health. Her health is detoriating day by day and nything can happen at any time. Baba calls us and say come home and see your maa for the last time when she has all her sense. We are mum for a while, what's happening , why baba is saying like this over call. He says do not ask anything just come over as soon as possible. We just break down all there and just wait to fly soon. I just get all permission from office and arrange the tickets by next two days.

We could see Baba waiting for us down the stairs and maa on the wheel chair. She starts crying and we too. We had no words to speak and tears rolling down our eyes in each one in the family. Baba has gone more lean and thin, bend body could not cry out loud but only weep in his heart and soul. Yes! Baba was trying to console veryone saying do not cry. It's all god wish and we cannot do anything. be happy you could see her and spend some quality time with her. Do not cry she will suffer more else. We all settle down by the evening fresh up and just stare at maa. Tears does not stops and rolls down that what is our situation today. 

Maa is completely bed ridden and she is just like a new born baby who cannot even say what's happening with her, what she feels, what she wants, is it paining for her, or she wants to hug us and cry more loud nothing nothing she could speak. It's so painful to pen down even still tear rolls down when I think of that situation and day and the days i spent there a month almost. Everyday was so painful for me to see her in such condition. Still when I think of it i get goose bumps. I just pray God no one should suffer like this in their life.

This last month March till first week of April 2022 i spent at home i cannot count them to be my happiest days because it was very painful for all of us. Yes it was this situation since a year but i see it ally open eyes i could not dilute it. I was all heart broken to see maa in such condition and the great role God had asked Baba to play here. Baba he himself being old at age 84 and trying to manage himself is all beside maa 24/7 for her. Yes, no doubt what brothers and sister in law does for her has no count but Baba i could not believe that he could do much at his age for maa. Maa is just a baby and Baba is like taking care of a baby who cannot move, speak, eat, bath, sleep etc. I hope you understand how does a new born baby feels when she is ill, when she cannot say i am hungry, my stomach is paining, something is happening to me, i am thirsty, i am feeling cold, i feel to urine, i feel to potty, take me out, i can't sleep staight for long, move me right, move me left, freshen me up, make me wear my favourite dress, what not more i feel to cry and my hands are shivering now to pen down all these. My eyes are filled with tears and i could not see what am writing even. Ahhhhhh it's really painful to pen down all this and I cannot even express what am feeling right now. But i wanted to write it because keeping this in heart is killing me everyday as i am not able to share. 

My Diary, i can only write to you what I feel. Yes it's still with me and i will be always with me which is unforgettable all my life. One day i just sat all alone with Baba when he was doing some creative work in the afternoon. I ask, Baba! What you are doing? So minute works and again you will feel pain in pain and your fingers. Baba says this is my medicine and if i do not do this i will fall ill, then who will take care of your maa. She needs me and I cannot stay without her. She has to live for me and i will take care of her untill she is fine. If she is not fine even i will take care of her till my death. I say, Baba don't you think you are paying her back everything what she had done for you all this years for you since she had got married to you. Baba replied, actually yes. I never have importance to her when she was all there for me. He had taken over all responsibilities of this family and home all alone. I just earned money. Never asked her what she is doing and how she is doing and managing it. Never i had discussed with her what to do for our children better future, how to make this house as home. Nothing but your maa managed with it so well. She made my house as HOME and all my children are well established and they had made me proud. All credit goes to her but why did God did this to her. Such a humble lady she is and never expected anything, always happy with what she had. But yes! One thing God has done. I asked , what is that Baba. He says, he has given me all strength to take care of her and repay her all her love, care for me and my family. And ii am doing that. I just pray allmighty that she gets well soon and i could see her walking, talking to me and smiling.

Days passed and we had to come back to Bangalore for work. Everyone again were like heart filled, broken but he had to be back. I could see Baba his pale face , weak but he shows he is strong. I again hug bab the previous evening from back holding his hand and he understood that I was filled with tears. He did not turn back and says Ah! Do not cry everything will be fine. If your maa sees she would start crying and she cannot even say what she is feeling. It's last three days back she had started crying as she had come to know you people would be leaving. Do not cry maa. Pack everything and go happily.

The days comes and we all start crying heavy heart. I hug Baba so tight that i feel why am going but i have to go.  I have my pending works works here to bind up. It's my responsibility to bind up. Baba the same stands strong, head up says don't cry maa, you would fall ill do not cry. He taps my shoulder and says God bless you. Just pray God and leave to the allmighty.

I love you Deuta. 

30/4/2022-5:31pm