BROKEN HEART14 mins 360 14 mins 360
It was a special evening for her. Sumitra was sipping coffee in a restaurant and lost in her world of thoughts…
“Meenu, come, lunch is ready”- when my daughter Meenakshi didn’t turn up, I went to her room. She was lying on the bed and crying. “What happened, dear? Any problems?”-I was worried about my teenage daughter. Meenu may not know that whenever her eyes become tearful, the pain is felt in my heart. I was like a friend to her, not a mother who insists on discipline only without understanding the child’s worries or sorrows. I wondered why she didn’t share her problems with me. Then I realized that teenagers are usually like this. They have their own world. They hesitate to share their joys, anxieties, tensions and sorrows with their parents.
“Darling, please tell me. I am your Mom and your friend also, isn’t it? So please share your problems with me, dear”. When I wiped her tears and consoled her, she sobbed and told me “Mumma….Gopu is going back to his city. He is leaving our college.”
“Gopu? But who is he? You never told anything about him.” When I asked, Suma opened up her heart to me. Gopakumar is her classmate and friend. They became close in the last few months. Now when they realized that they are in love, it was time for them to get separated. Gopakumar’s father is a Govt Officer. Due to his transfer, the boy is going back to his city. His mother is suffering from a terminal disease. So the parents want him to be with them. He is the only son.
‘That’s all? My poor girl! What is there to get upset about it? Let him go. Both of you can meet again, no? You just don’t worry dear”-When I hugged her, Suma pushed me away.
“Mumma, why are you so casual about this? How could I live here without him? Don’t you know that we love each other? Nobody in this world can separate our hearts.”
“Yes, Meenu, that is what I was about to explain….”
“No, I don’t want any explanation. Oh, I am sorry Mumma, you may not know about love and the pain of separation. Have you ever loved any boy in your college days? I know that your answer must be ‘No’ only. And your relationship with my strict Papa was quite formal. So you can’t advise me about our relationship.” Meenakshi walked out of the room closing the door and leaving me shocked.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I just couldn’t accept the fact that my daughter is so grown up to comment about my personal life. It was as if a few months back that I played with my cute child and made her sleep on my lap singing lullabies. Years passed so fast and I am standing here all alone holding onto the loving memories of my daughter’s childhood…whereas she has drifted away from me…I couldn’t control my tears.
Wiped my tears and looked at myself in the mirror. Salt and pepper hair strands, lusterless eyes, wrinkles on the face, tearful eyes …Is that me?! Where is that lively girl with a golden voice and million-dollar smile who had so many fans and followers in the college?
“Only a rose to give you
Only a song dying away
Only a smile to keep in memory…”
Yes…that message engraved in my heart forever…How could I forget my college days? Those days when every word was a promise and every look a love glance from my Ravi…I felt an instant attraction. The way he looked at me swept me off my feet. I couldn’t even remember when I fell head over heels in love with him. My heart skipped a beat.
‘I miss you every single day and wonder if it is the same with you?”-words of a love song so tenderly touching my heart…my heart beating for the past moments….keeping alive those memories….
Does anybody miss each other? If he is so close to me, why didn’t he miss me as I missed him? How could he stay away from me for such a long time? Those loving and mesmerizing eyes and the feathery soft touch so endearing to me…. The melodious raga arising from the sitar strings of my heart whenever he holds me close to his heart. We were inseparable. It is true that time and tide wait for none but some moments freeze and remain engraved in our hearts forever.
It was a beautiful evening. As usual, I was lost in my dream world of ghazals-Holding moments and a myriad of feelings in my heart…Emotions, sentiments, dreams, wishes, and memories…..I find my dream world more desirable than the real cruel world.
We are meeting after a long time. What should I tell you? I wanted you to know about how our break-up changed my life. I also wish to tell you that coming in my dreams you softly touch my burning heart like a cool breeze. I know that our separation was inevitable and it was our destiny. Now I am delighted and excited about our tryst….It will be a pleasant surprise for us to meet after so many years.
Ravi, you are a fond memory for me….a sweet dream cherished somewhere in the corner of my mind. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t live without you till that fateful day when you told me that we should break up for good. I remember those evenings when I used to go with our girls’ group with a secret wish to meet you on the way to our Medical College Campus. Was it an infatuation or love? But I felt an instant connection with you when our eyes met. I saw the same love for me in your eyes. Gradually we became friends. We started discussing diseases and patients and later studying together. How could I forget those nights when I was eagerly waiting for your phone calls? Those days were unforgettable. I still cherish those days when we came to know that we were in love but couldn’t confess to each other. Gradually we became lovers and promised to be together forever. You were a dream come true for me. But we concentrated on studies as it was the final year. After finishing the course, one day you told me that heartbreaking news. Since your father who was fighting cancer wanted to finalize your marriage before death, he fixed your marriage with his friend’s daughter. The girl’s family was abroad and you will be joining them after the marriage. I was in tears and in shock unable to accept the fact that we won’t be life partners. We embraced and cried a lot. Finally, it was time to say goodbye. But you promised that you will come to India and meet me one day. Then years passed and you didn’t keep up your promise.
Then I was thrilled to receive your letter one day. I loved your letter about your dream-the dream which was also mine….
Hope you are keeping fine. Here I am happy with my profession and family. Sorry I couldn’t contact you for so long. I was so busy with my profession. I used to think that life will just pass us by and we won’t have stopped to smell a flower, listen to a bird’s call or look at the beauty of sunrise and sunset. I am sorry that I didn’t contact you at all after we got separated. I always wished you a happy life. Are you married? Who is your husband? Do you have kids? Are you happy with your married life? Please write a detailed reply to me.
In fact, I wanted to share my dream with you. Hope you won’t make fun of me saying that how can you dream about me at this age! Come on, we can dream at any age, OK Sweetie? In my dream, I could still feel us sharing the chemistry and amazing emotion called love, even after so many years. We were in a hill station on a romantic trip. Hand in hand we were walking like teenagers enjoying the beauty of pine trees, blue hills, mountain slopes, gushing streams and flower-strewn valleys. Forest and bushes were covering the mountains in a mantle of green looking like a carpet. The evening was silent except for the soft noise of our footsteps on the dry leaves fallen along the way. Somewhere far away, a nightingale was singing a love song calling its lover. I remembered our favorite songs rekindling our memories and also the love story we watched and reconfirmed our love for each other…Indeed time flies but memories remain forever.
The mist was covering the mountains like a white veil. There was a sweet fragrance of wildflowers in the wind. Then we came across a water spring which seemed to be running with joy like a teenage girl, along the stones and pebbles. The water was very clear reflecting the blue sky. We got down into the small river and cold water touched our feet. We giggled like in our college days. You were about to slip and fall when you stepped onto a small rock. But my strong arms held you close to my heart. The time had come to a standstill and there were only the two of us in a different world of trance. I realized the magical feeling of love and stood there oblivious of the passage of time.
Then we climbed a hillock. Sitting on the grass we enjoyed the beauty of the sunset. The horizon looked awesome with vibrant colors. The sunset was marvellous. A sad song was coming from somewhere down the valleys. Your eyes were tearful. I held you close to me, wiped your tears and requested you to smile. I told you that your dazzling smile was like a rainbow in the sky coming up when there is both sunlight and drizzling. I told you to cherish those moments of togetherness and not to be sad thinking about our separation. Your reply was “Ravi, you don’t know how much I miss you…how much I love you.”I embraced and kissed you telling “You need not explain about your pain darling. I know everything…I know how you feel. I know the pain in your heart as my heart also feels the same for you. But life has to move on, no?”
Your face looked sad when you responded with the question “Then why are you leaving me in depression, Ravi? Why don’t you stay back for some time?”
“No Sumi”-I tried to reassure you saying that “I have to go back. But I will definitely come and meet you someday for one last time”…
That was my dream Sumi…..You know, I just can’t forget this dream. I really miss you a lot darling.’
Tears were flowing down my cheeks when I folded and kept down that letter. Even now my eyes are wet thinking about it. I know that dreams may not become reality. Still, why should I hope in vain for the meeting? Will Ravi come as he promised?
“Sumi…darling, see I am here! I have come to meet you. After all, it was a gentleman’s promise, no?”- Sumitra was astonished to see Ravi coming and sitting in front of her in the restaurant.
‘Har mulakaat ka anjaam judai kyun hai?( Why is it that every meeting ends in a farewell?)’…….
A ghazal singer was singing a soulful ghazal touching the chords in the heart of lovers.
We just looked at each other holding hands but saying nothing…Love was in the air….The moments were silent but eloquent…
Kuch na kaho, kuch bhi na kaho
Kya kehna hai, kya sunna hai,
Mujhko pata hai, tumko pata hai
Samay ka yeh pal tham sa gaya hai
Aur is pal mein koi nahi hai
Bas ek main hoon, bas ek tum ho
Kuch na kaho kuch bhi na kaho
(Don’t say, just don’t say anything. Both of us know what we want to tell each other. There is nobody else in this beautiful moment which is a standstill…just the two of us… you and me….So don’t say….just don’t say anything)
You hummed the song. We remembered the lines of our most favorite romantic song.…..unearthing the treasure of our memories….reviving the feelings for each other that have long gone….feelings so pleasantly dear and warm…. Do you know, when you whispered the magic words, "I love you," into my ear as we walked along the lonely road in the moonlight, it was the most adorable moment in my life?
Sumitra wished that let this precious moment be frozen forever…..‘’Madam, shall I bring you some snacks to eat?”-Waiter’s words brought her back to reality. The waiter wanted to take an order.
“Nothing, thanks. Please bring my bill for the coffee.” She told the waiter.
“OK Madam”. He left to bring the bill.
Sumitra started looking around. Where is Ravi? He was with me holding hands and sharing our own moments of eternal love. But where is he now? How could he leave me alone? Sumitra controlled her sobbing when she realized the truth. It was only a dream! She felt sad and depressed.
After paying the bill, she stepped out of the restaurant. It started snowing outside. The beautiful village of Himachal Pradesh looked serene and peaceful at night. Winter is coming with silent steps and engulfing the small place….just like the winter in her heart …freezing her dreams and liveliness.
Going back to her room was painful for her….back to the same grief and loneliness.
Ravi, I feel your presence everywhere. I adore your soft words, your gentle touch and your heart which is an ocean of love for me. Everything reminds me of you. I cannot imagine my life without you because you mean everything to me…The pillow cover is the only witness to the tears flowing from my eyes on sleepless nights… She thought.
And the mirror in my room reminded me that I am getting old. My hair started greying and wrinkles started appearing on my face. It is as if I have very few years to live before I meet you. Though my family compelled me to marry, I was not in a mental state to get married. You were my soul mate. In my mind and heart, you are the one and only partner who can share my life. Ravi, tell me, after sharing my heart with you, how can I share my life with some unknown person? But for the sake of my parents, I got married and I lost my husband a few years back. My daughter is married and settled in her life.
I was waiting for you for ages. As the saying goes ‘Time heals all types of wounds’. But do you know, Ravi, my heart has a painful deep wound which is not healing with time! I am waiting for your healing touch. I will wait for you till the end of time and beyond. I am ready to live with this bleeding heart and our memories. My love for you will live longer than time and I know that I will always love you until the day I depart from this world.
For one moment she wished for the dream to come true. She wished that Ravi may call her from behind saying that it was a naughty prank. In fact her broken heart with feelings yearned for the presence of her lover Ravi, who left her all alone with only the indelible memories of their loving bond. She wiped her tears and covered herself with a shawl. She remembered his affectionate embrace when she felt the warmth of the shawl.
“Madam, Good Evening! I will drop you at home. It is so cold outside and it started snowing also.” - Arun stopped his scooter and told her. He was the son of his colleague Priya.
‘No, son, I am all alone in this pathway. I was always a lone traveller. I never had anybody to share my journey’-she thought.
“Madam, don’t worry, please come with me-”Arun told again.
“No son. It is so kind of you. I can go home walking. It is very close to that building. Thank you dear-”Wiping her tears she replied to the boy.
Arun thought- ‘What is wrong with this middle-aged lady? She must be in great pain. That may be the reason why she chose to walk alone in life. God help her with a peaceful life’. Arun left the place.
“Hi, Sumi….”Sumitra turned around in surprise. Who whispered in my ears? Has Ravi come? Warm breath caressing my cheeks….Smiling eyes looking at me with love….A tender embrace enveloping me as a warm solace in the winter night…Was it Ravi? Yes, it is Ravi only.
‘You Ravi…. you will remain the same old naughty boy, no? Always giving me surprises?’-Sumitra was so happy to think that her lover came back to her at last. Talking to him she proceeded unaware of her surroundings. The middle-aged lady living in her dream world failed to notice the speeding car coming towards her. She just walked with a smile and talking with her lover not realizing that it was a figment of her imagination. After all, it was a memorable reunion with her lover after so many years. The car came and hit her leaving her with fatal head injuries.
The time came to a standstill for her. She was bleeding profusely and there were no persons on the lonely road at that time of the winter night. Snowflakes kept on falling wrapping her in a white shroud. Her heart stopped beating forever. The cold arms of death embraced her. But a smile was still there on her lips….the smile of ecstasy in anticipation of union with lover….The broken heart had tender feelings for her lover…..