Beyond Paradise

Love comes in various forms that we can’t define. Idealizing it as Romeo and Juliet with a happy ending is not my philosophy. Walking through the hardships together, and not losing the faith in us, is what I believe in. It is the special feeling that few get exposed to. Without wasting any time on describing what love is, let’s celebrate life which will eventually make you fall in love with yourself and your life. Giving words to feelings are not worth it, feelings are supposed to live, instead of giving explanations and justifications to it. The ones holding a space in our heart never leaves and never would. This special feeling never loses the worth and waits.

I remember you sitting there on that table dinner, where we met for the first time. I was nervous about my looks and attire, and you were excited to know me more. Above all this, we were in love that we never realized. You ordered my favorite dish that I once told you and made me feel utterly cold with this warm gesture of yours. I was still nervous when you held me close. On our way back home, the moon shines and the night has never been so bright before. The stars were the witness of our love that night when we sat in the park close to my home. With all the sweet memories of yours, I remember every fight that happened mostly during nights when we discussed our days. I am calling even the discussions as our fights because I liked the way you used to make up to me after every melancholy. With those nights and fights, came the silence that was not adjustable to my hue. But, to us, all that matters was each other’s love.

Today, when the sun shines bright, and the rainbow glows I see you every time smiling back at me. Today, on your 65th birthday I wish you immense happiness up there in your world without me. I know it had been hard for you, without me because I remember the time when I moved out of the city and you couldn’t even find your favorite shirt here without me. Even I have been no good, but every day the rainbow from my window gives a glimpse of the memories we had. The memories we created have more colors than the rainbow and are much brighter.

From the time we met to the day when you were gone, I was always on my first date with you treasuring all the

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fights, hardships, care, attention, and most evidently your love that kept me going through till now. You walked into my life and held me so close, that I cannot let you go now even when you are not here. My words fall out of place when I do not talk about you in my memories, no matter what I am talking about. When I sit silently in our bedroom, I sometimes, smell your shirts that I have kept just to feel you right beside in those lonely nights and pretend to get mad at you, hoping that you might make it up to me AGAIN. Every night has been torture to me and in the day I cannot concentrate on you being not around anymore. But, it has been more than enough, and people asked me to move on looking at the wrinkles on my face. But, they can’t see the love that is as new as the young love even in my old age. I have made a habit of finding you in things around me, and feeling you around me is all that satisfies me. The other day, when I was working, I got a call from an unknown number and I couldn’t hear the other person and that made me believe that it was you.

The years that we have been together, are the years where I lived. Since you have turned to ashes, I am just the smoke, which is left behind in the hope of air, but really doesn’t last long. You promised me to give me a family that I am really proud of today. You always complained that I never treat you enough, but today this is the evidence of that. I still hum the tunes you liked and wanted me to sing, I still sit beside the beach where we used to go, and I will always cook for you even if it is only me who is eating alone at the table. Just like the horizon, I cannot touch you, but for the world, we are one and, will always be. You made me see through the black and made it transparent through my lens. The waves are not cold, the emotions aren’t dry and you are not close anymore. Your absence made me feel the despair of a flower when it gets dry. I won’t let the flower to be thrown away, because the fragrance comes from you by defining the shine in my eyes.

I won’t mark my ending here. Let me carry the courage of loving you throughout. Let me feel your love from paradise, without considering the validation of this generation through Texting and Facebook. A gist to our love story wouldn’t be enough in one word, yet I would say “We have grown old together.”