A Mistake Or Blessing

It felt eerily cold that day. We would have a great get-together but the mood wasn't right though. Everyone I knew was there I would have enjoyed myself with them. But my mom's sobs made my every thought vanish. Everyone had tears in their eyes. At first, I didn't understand why though. I tried to console my mother I promise I tried. But she didn't hear me. No one did. Then I saw myself laying on the ground lifeless. It struck me. My once rosy cheeks were pale now red lips were turning blue now. It made sense than all of the sudden. I mean everyone was there it felt kinda good to see them here, at least I wasn't alone. Because the voices said differently 'no one cares' they said. It made me question myself 'this is what I wanted right ?' 'To see if someone would care. I believed those voices because they were the only ones with me. A lone tear escaped my eyes I wiped it quickly as if anyone would see it. No one could. Not now not then. But seeing everyone I love cry didn't make me feel any better. The cut I had on the wrist was patched up now but it didn't make me feel good. My mother took my hand in hers and kissed it gently but I couldn't feel her warmth. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. 'She was loved' someone said, maybe I was blind to see it, maybe it wasn't strong enough to hold me. Maybe I should have thought more about it but for what it's not like they will understand me. Not now not then. They said 'She was stupid ' 'She made a mistake ' and maybe I did but it felt like a blessing to finally free myself from the torture of living.