A Big No

A Big No

6 mins
462


She had a problem. A very serious one. She tried to believe that she did not have a problem at all. Her daily experiences, though, were a sad remainder of what would contradict her belief. She endeavored to run away as long and as hard as she could but in vain. She struggled to get rid of it but to no fruition. She made peace with it, anyway.


Priya, a sweet natured, soft spoken girl who was well educated and well-read had  a problem saying “No”. If someone came to her for help or for assistance, she dropped off everything else and fixed it first. On the surface, it seemed like a great quality much adored by everybody around. What if it jeopardized her own comfort, convenience and worse, her priorities! Priya went through several phases of evading from the inevitable tendencies to be consumed by guilt if she did not immediately attend to someone’s need albeit for a valid reason. However, sooner or later she ended up going back to her old self, past pattern of “Come what may, let me finish what you just asked me to. My tasks can be handled much later. Perhaps, late night?”


 Priya would sulk when she realized she repeatedly failed to intimate her unavailability or even inadequacy in taking up what someone requested her support for. Truly, at one point, she was exhausted beyond imagination.


New born mother, a few years later


Priya was in for a magical surprise as her baby turned six months old. For over a year and a half, Priya, without any conscious effort had got it all right. She did not know what she did differently but she had succeeded in making what she wanted the most as the top-most priority. Be it her decision to spend her time creatively in the months running up to her delivery and then much later too, she followed her heart and ensured to do what she loved, she believed and she desired. 


What had created the magical metamorphosis? Priya still lived amidst the same circumstances, same people, pretty much a similar environment as in the past – working and living. The transformation was quite obviously in the response Priya had for everything that occurred around her. Of all the blissful and priceless transitions that motherhood offered to Priya, becoming stronger and clearer a communicator was one of them. Motherhood had conspired in the most beautiful, touching way to help her deal with anxiety around picking her priorities, choosing what to do, when to do, how much to do and most importantly, what not to do. Saying “No” was no more a strange term to her; it was a part and parcel of her life. Priya thus became a new born mother.


Mother-child vacation


Priya, after about half a year, planned a nice vacation with just herself and her child. As she began packing her “62 inches" bag, she reminisced all the personal and business trips that the bag had accompanied her to. The bag had traveled to 23 countries with Priya and to over a hundred cities. 

Priya’s thought flow suddenly halted at one instant. The bag had been quite an essential step of her trip, almost snatching all the attention up until Priya landed in any given place. Priya, along with her parents and sibling would pack her belongings with utmost care and caution - especially when it was the bag that was Priya’s only company on a trip.


“There used to be much fervor and drama around packing. The activity lasted more than a couple of days. Little by little each day. While a “master list” noted all the items that were “must-have”, “good-to-have”, “not-at-all-needed”, by the time Priya started packing the bag, master list would have been amended more than a dozen times. "


Her dad ensured he placed the things in proper order just so it did not create a mess; her mother took the responsibility of meticulously choosing the right containers for each item. Priya and her sister did the running around, making noises and carrying the items from kitchen/closet to the packing room. Even if all the final list of things were inside the bag, there was always a longing for something that could fit in last minute. Suddenly, the new found excitement replaced a few other things already in the bag. It was impossible to have the whole home inside a single bag, however big. But, the facility to have several bags was limited to two or maximum three. And then there came a host of terms and conditions tagging along. The measurements, weight, prohibited items, items to be declared et all.


After the herculean task was wound up finally, few hours before the flying time, Priya’s parents would manage to keep an empty bag ready to take till the airport. Just in case the check in personnel found about the extra kilograms in the bag (that were added with the best intention and hope that they would be accepted) and was not in a light mood to accept any, Priya would send the selected items back with her family: tearfully bidding adieu to both, the family and the unlucky items that couldn’t board the flight.    


Several weeks into her new life in the destination, Priya was mostly satisfied with whatever she brought along on each trip. Nonetheless, a few complaints still existed. A few ifs and a few buts. Nothing could alter that- whether it was her maiden trip or the tenth one. A tiny itchy persisted.


Cut to the present


Priya shook herself back to reality. She smiled at the big empty bag lying in front of her. Her baby was playing with her grandmother. Priya smiled at her mother. The introspection had brought to Priya’s notice that, the experience around packing the bag was so similar to how she had to manage her mind, her life as well as priorities.


"You could not say yes to everything. There have to be many a No. You couldn’t accumulate more than what is feasible and advisable. Some things held more significance than others- it was but natural. Some things had to be parted with, even if in the last moments. Everything has its own place and time, waiting isn’t so bad. Doing first things first and then accommodating the rest, one by one, is a sign of clear progress. In the end, one had to make peace with it all; contentment and disappointments were bound to exist. Some sweetness, somethings hot and spicy, and a tad bit of blandness was a must for a complete life. A perfect life in that sense. "


Thanks to the little baby girl


Priya was grateful to her darling baby daughter for opening her eyes to the simplest logic in life – Saying a firm, bold, polite, well thought out “No” when life demanded is the best favor one could do to himself/herself.       


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