Why Am I Alive?

Why am I alive

Is it to spare Mom and Dad the trauma

Of losing their child

Of Grandpa finding my corpse

Dangling from the ceiling fan

Is it to not bother duplicate hypocrites

From being invited to the funeral

And feasting on fish and meat like the gluttonous freaks they are.

Why am I alive

Do I still want to experience love

Understand the very depth of that emotion

Which I cease to feel

Because they disqualified me from being human

Do I want to indulge in the pleasures of the living

Or is it because I don't feel any desire

Emanating from within my soul.

Why am I alive

Is it to wreak revenge on those who wronged me

To cause strife and anarchy and bury all emotions in their hearts

As I watch them burn to ashes

Maybe I want to understand where it all went wrong

The starting point

If there even is one.

Why am I alive

Because the noose failed to support my weight

Animal instincts kicked in and wanted to live

But oh, the clarity of those few moments

When I gave up struggling

The sheer beauty reminds me of a sunflower

In Lady Chatterley's mouth.