Used To It

10th September, '20

"It's nothing I guess", 

I told myself, 

on one of those days, 

when I was down. 

"You're used to it", 

my brain whispered

as I saw it all, 

crumbling around me. 

15th September, '20

" I finally got a message! ", 

I chirped excitedly, 

'BIG SALE!', it said. 

And then in no time

it happened again. 

My insides shattered, 

bit by bit. 

But I was used to it. 

3rd November, '20

As I put this online;

for the world to see, 

I want to let you know, 

what it might be. 

This may seem surreal, 

But friend, this is Real. 

You know what's funny?

I called you 'friend', 

But look at the irony, 

I never had any. 

Not that I am not liked, 

it's just that I function differently, 

a little too much maybe. 

I've always seen people having someone, 

who has their back, 

never leaves their side, 

Never makes them lonely. 

'LONELY', as I speak, 

is a difficult word, friend. 

For years, I was used to it, 

but now is the time it really hit.