Tristesse

My love,

I have wanted to say this to you

For a long time now

But never really knew how

I may not have it in me tomorrow

So listen now

Please.

When you danced with me in your arms

In a room full of people 

They were awed by the love in your eyes

I saw how your eyes were searching 

For hers in mine

When you twirled me

And pulled me close

You kissed me bittersweet

On your lips,

I could taste their longing to taste hers

Not mine.

 

When you discovered my love for glass

And all things fragile and raw

You said that I love myself too much

Cause everything fragile reminds you of me

And I let you drink

From my favourite teacup

And I knew it right then that you will break me

Break me, like she broke you.

And I just want to dance alone on the terrace 

With your screams of agony for music

And twirl in the arms of the wind 

Around your body as life slowly leaves it

And everything broken seems so beautiful 

Maybe that's why I haven't swept off the floor

The pieces of my shattered teacup.

I hate the person I can be

But I have been so fond me

And I can feel the other side taking over me

But I don't think I can stop her.

When your embraces and caresses 

Felt more like clutches 

With the withdrawn yet tolerable patience of a pet

That could never be domesticated 

I let you hold me

But I'm wild at heart

And I don't sense home in your arms

And my heart, claws at my chest,

Ripping me apart

It demands to be set free 

When I told you about the monsters

That lay under my bed

Waiting to grab me by my feet

And drag me into darkness

I told you I was scared 

You said that I think too much

And the only monsters were in my head

And maybe you were right

Cause I'm now

Scared of myself

My thoughts are taking a dark turn

Treading towards that forbidden alley 

Luring me in 

Promising escape

From your beautiful lies

Turning me weak in the knees

And I know that giving into them

Will only leave a trail of crimson behind

But my monsters are crying

They're pleading not guilty 

So I have to go.

I want to hate the person I'm becoming

But I can't seem to stop loving her

Maybe it's time

I let her take over.

Your words kiss me like waterdropwort

They'd have me grinning at you

Sardonically when I die

Let DeLange play me an elegy

His music invades my veins 

And sweetens the venom

That you spread.