Kenopsia

Today,

I'm hiding under my bed a little less

And acknowledging the monsters out there a little more

Losing you, 

I've been layering up my heart with bandages 

To the point of suffocation 

Ripping them all off at once 

And letting it bleed

I'm alive a little less

And breathing a little more

Today,

I'm healing a little less

And breaking a little more.

With unsteady hands

I open your letters 

Pulled out from somewhere far under my pillow

As if they never wanted me to reach them 

Reading them, 

I'm cherishing our memories a little less

And grieving your absence a little more.

Today, 

I'm letting you go a little less

And wanting you back a little more.

I remember how you'd climb and jump across the fence

When I'd shut myself inside after a fight

Leaving the door ajar,

I want you to walk away a little less

And pull me close a little more

Today, 

I'm holding on to the walls around me a little less

And letting you in a little more.

I miss painting you in my poetry

Just to see you smile the smile that was only for me

The smile my pen is slowly letting go of 

It now sees your hurting eyes

And framing beautiful verses a little less

And writing gibberish a little more

Today,

I want to feel your words a little less

And kiss away your tears a little more

.

The vase still lay broken on the ground

Exactly where you threw it when you left

And I just can't sweep the pieces off 

Walking on them, I feel them piercing my skin and tearing my flesh;

A shard for every bitter word exchanged

They tell me,

That I was worthy of your love a little less

And deserving of this pain a little more

Today,

I'm cursing you a little less

And blaming myself a little more.