I, The Creator

Out of hopelessness comes creativity!

Someone remarked, casually. And sarcastically.

 Could it be the same for everyone?

All the “creators”- are they really hopeless?

Could they be? I wondered.

Possible, I nodded to myself.

No wait, what do you mean?

I mean if it’s true, isn’t pathetic?

Felt vividly familiar somehow

Wasn’t I “creative” once?

It’s your talent, I thought I heard then

Or was it a dream? 

But I was hopeless back then, I’m sure

Okay, I don’t know what it is

My defenseless mind concluded.

Some things are just like that.

Sure yet unsure, congruous yet hallucinatory

Nameable yet unfathomable

Things like what?

 Depression? Panic? Anxiety? Flashbacks?

Or this inexplicably weird pain that gets relieved when I go to friends -

(Not “them”- I meant the series)

Makes me laugh hard, and then laughing gets hard

But if it’s hard, is that a laugh?

Again unsure, regardless, it’s hard.

All these random thoughts going on inside me

Fluid yet solid

Exposing my inner vulnerabilities

Pondering or rather trying to establish

Am I Creative? Or am I Hopeless?

Again unsure.

But you exist, I reassured myself.

Yes I do. I surely see things around

A candle burning near me

Tears rolling down my eyes

One on its own, the other unknown. Like my life.

Wish I could be the candle and burn along with it 

Why am I doing this?

Forcing myself to be Creative

Convincing not to try being Nothing

For I know I am not the former, as it exactly means. 

‘Cause that’s what I was told.

I wish I could be a “Creator”,

And invent “I”, with Hope

And be called Creative, as it exactly means.

I know, time will come

Tears will roll and roll down as I giggle.

Candles will burn again and I’ll look at it 

Wishing I could burn along

And give hope to other candles around

Lighting up their existence as I burn bright within

I know now, time will come soon

When I am sure of what I am- believing in myself and 

Being aware of my emotions, needing no labels whatsoever

I can then nod to myself with pride 

And call Myself a Creator,

Who created Me

And made Me and I the hope for each other.