After I Die

        

I do not own any kind of courage

to face that day

The day that everyone knows it arrives

but we still ignore and be selfish of everything

That day where my ego of self worth

and my savings of gold means nothing

That day when thy soul leaves the body

and moves beyond

That day can be any day, realizing in disturbance

My thoughts and emotions started shaking hands

 to break my inner child of depression,

      did I treat my family right?

     did I fight for what I wanted?

     did I ever asked myself that, "was I happy"?

     did I realize my mistakes?

     did I hurt anyone unintentionally?

Has I lived my life to the fullest?

I didn't want to know the truth so,

I shut myself to silence and balled my eyes

After all death is the day, I go back home amongst the stars and

 fly high across the constellation

my weird and creative mind of alternate realities

will be true; maybe

I'll see sun, moon everything beyond this jobs,

loans and responsibilities on earth

I'm glad that,

   I won't be in tears anymore

   I won't be in regret of anything anymore

   I won't have nightmares of anything anymore

   I can't be still on earth and live my life

that way I want anymore

All the things I wish I could've will be no more

I'll be long gone, staying in memories of my family for so long,

I pity them, it'll be hard to pass along

some memories of my friends, scolding that I never opened, But

them, never realizing that all this time nobody gave time to understand me

some memories of random strangers whom I shared

time and feel sorry to me

By that time,

    all of my what-if's and buts' comes to an end

    all of my care to hair and not to my brain and emotions comes to an end

    all of my fights for no reason comes to an end

    all of my insecurities comes to an end

    all of my judgments on others, though being a human just like them;

eventually comes to an end

I'm gone never not knowing that I was likable to everyone

but regretting not living the one life the way I wanted

I won't ask for another chance, I don't want it either

because of less awareness of me to myself,

makes it shameful to ask and waste another of it,

It's really dissatisfactory that I learned a job for living

but never gave time to learn job of living

Its late to open eyes and know life was only to be happy in oneself and

nothing else.