Afraid of Detachment

Sometimes I think

how I became detached

from my own roots.

I don’t want these feelings

in my blood,

yet they live there.

Who is stopping me

from inside my own body?

Why can’t I go

where I want to go so badly?

Why do I stop myself?

I remember being a child

wanting so deeply

to stay with the people I loved.

Now I am the opposite

of who I was.

I don’t want to be selfish.

I don’t want to be detached.

I don’t want to be cold.

But something in me

learned survival

instead of love.

Maybe I blame someone,

or time,

or my own decisions.

But nothing really matters.

 honestly

nothing matters.

I don’t want the world

to call me a good person.

I don’t want approval.

I don’t want names.

I just want to hear my heart

clearly and understand

what it’s been trying

to say.

©Anu Rajput