He Never Knew

I wait

Knowing I shouldn’t

I anticipate

If only I wouldn’t

My ears listen for the sound of his steps

My eyes wait for a glimpse of his shadow

I know I should stay far

But that I am unable to

I hurt

I whimper

The eyes well up

He doesn't know

What I go through

How I swallow the agony

The pain and the if onlys

The questioning and the self doubt

He doesn't know the nights I lay awake

Wishing it was different

And that is what keeps me going

Today tomorrow and the day after

That he never knew how I cared

That he didn’t know how I loved