Who Am I

 In a cloudy dark night, the moon and I were both keeping our eyes wide open. One is staring and lightning the earth's sky, while I was counting the forbidden stars. Started to dive back into the memories I am hiding in a secret place inside the mind of I. A picture of a little girl popped up in front of me while she was dancing and singing happily as I have ever been once. That little girl was me from the past, she was reminding me of who I was, or how I used to feel and act. But the real question then faced my smiling art, was that the real me? or am I who I am today? A question with no answer, I shall say.

 When I was a little girl, I remember the unloved moments my mother gave me instead of the care I needed. The love my father offered and still offering through all the stages of my life. But let me tell you about the mom's care I had and still have, weird is it? My current mom, or as other people see her, my stepmother, she has been the real mom I had when I was just 6 year old, yet our story and love didn't start back then. It all started when she came into my life when I was a year and a half, she was a friend of mine before a mom. I remember how I used to run after her just to be close to her, even I took her number when I wasn't even allowed tp, I just loved her. Since then, I knew that a stepmother is not the devil they showed us in the films and stories, yet she is the angel God sends to save your life.

 OH, yeah! I thought that will be the end of the tragedies I lived when I was young, but guess what? That was the easiest one!! I know you will think of me as a mad woman for taking all this in a positive way and a smile, but tell me isn't it better of all the cries? 

 I remember my first sexual relation, I can't get it out of the mind of I, nor I can get the smallest detail of it. my only question is WHY YOU DID IT? The relative relation between us, even all the religions found on this earth has forbidden it, but you didn't care and went after your desires. you used to force me for it and you knew I couldn't tell anyone because of the frighten heart of mine of what might happen, but now how I wish that I did. Even though, you had confessed it all few years ago, your sorry didn't mean that much, but I forgave you for all had happened. Don't judge me for forgiving him, I should have done it or our family would have been broken. And that's my first forced sexual relation I had in my life.

 Sure you are wondering why I said first!! Well, this is just getting more interesting. My second sexual abuse was from one of my cousins. Here I do blame myself about it. I wasn't young anymore, I was 22 year old. This one, I used to love. He was my ever first love. No need to explain what a first love means in our life, we all been there, but my mistake was my trustful relation I gave him. After all he went and got married, and I was just a fool acting like a crazy woman at the ceremony, thinking who would notice me there, and another time I was mistaken too. After all this, we stopped talking, even not seeing each other at all, but after a couple of years, his son had cancer, and he was just 2 year old. Here I thought about forgetting everything and to be next to him as a cousin. All was working good, till one day he asked ne to go to the States and he was going to follow me there, yet this was a lie too, but I didn't care I was just thinking about the young innocent boy of him. passed and we were still meeting, till that dark day happened again. He asked me to go with him to bring some clothes from the house for his son, I was out of my mind, didn't think about any bad that could happen to me. I went with him, and as soon as we got in the house, he threw his kips over mine, not caring about everything else. I should have been happy, for him being the one I loved, but I hated every second of this. Pushed him away from me, tried to remind him of the real life, but he refused too. He had a desire and needs to be fulfilled, and I was the victim of it. 

 So tell me now stars, have you heard about me? or will you call a name after me? I used to call myself as the slutty girl, but is that true? Been raped twice from the closest people in my life, am I the victim or am I the real DEVIL OF DESIRES? Help me figure out the truth that is hidden between my lines. Who the hell Am I?