"US"-An incomplete tale

PROMPT 8

(But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words. -Haruki Murakami)

 

 

“US”- AN INCOMPLETE TALE

It’s not that it can’t be explained. But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words.

I stood there; a spring breeze heavily fragrant with the new blossoms of the season, blew softly. The mild sun shone on me accentuating the brown hues of my hair. I felt hazy standing there in such sweet weather, like the way a single dose of morphine does: numbing the pain and blurring the thoughts until a smooth wave of drowsiness takes over our brain. I smiled as I watched his back from a distance. His pink hoodie disappeared into the airport gates, never to be seen again.

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At school, I was this nerdy girl; bespectacled, nose always in her books, an all-rounder, the apple of every teacher’s eye, and most importantly, an introvert with all her heart. I fulfilled every criterion for being in the category of a “boring and nerd” for everyone, except for my best friend ‘Sakshi’. She was the only one by being with whom I crept out of my shell. With her, I was the craziest. I was me, totally and completely me. She being an extrovert of high degree, brought out my unfiltered self, though it was limited only to her.

HE was my classmate for the last two years of school. Yet, I didn’t know he existed till almost half of grade 11. He got elected as the Head Boy, and me as the Editor of our school’s students’ council. That was the day. As all of us office-bearers stepped out of the principal’s office, merry and happy after the results, that’s when we first ever interacted. “Congratulations!” And we shook hands.

Time flew like ashes; and lo and behold, we landed in the mid-year of grade 12 in no time.

Every moment that passes in our life, evolves us. For me, I was under a massive rebuilding project. I had started growing more open towards people. Probably the side-effects of sticking around with a highly social person, Sakshi. The kind of self-confident person I was evolving into, and that too, at an incredible pace, surprises me till this date.

Naturally, being together for six hours together in school, in the same class without any means of escape, meant that I and him started interacting. He was another extrovert. Over the past one and a half year, I had realized he was actually a nice being. Someone, who doesn’t try to be a good person, but happens to be one because his heart is oozing out goodness all the time. He naturally cared for people. And so, he did for me.

Human heart is way too soft. It craves care always, and the moment it gets some, it melts away like candle wax. Similar thing was happening with me. I developed a crush on him, like many times before. But he was different. I had a feeling.

Autumn it was; that year. October. When I brought about the biggest twist in my life. I proposed to him. And as I had expected, he said yes. That’s where it began; a series of heart aches and sorrows, but also of blooming feelings and love.

We dated for few months before we parted. He was to leave for New York in another two months, and I was to stay back here in India. And I thought it prudent to part ways, for I am not a believer of long-distance relationships. He was against it, but he was always driven by emotions, by his heart; which I felt would affect our careers. I was adamant that career is the only thing that mattered first. We broke up. We went from talking everyday to days of no contact. Months passed. Two seasons went over us.

My initial vision was falling apart. He couldn’t leave for the States due to some emergency, and had got his application deferred for the following year. We both were in the same city. School was over. People were scattering all over the world, in different universities and colleges. Yet, heavens decided to put us together for some reason, to teach me something.

My best friend had shifted abroad for her higher studies. She came back to India briefly, and planned a meeting for us three. He, I and Sakshi. Sakshi was friends with both of us. So finally, we met, after more than a year.

The attachment I felt with him that day came so naturally to me. I realized how much I had been craving his presence. My anxieties assuaged. The strange aching, I felt in my heart for so long eased. Just him being beside me made me feel complete. Is this what love feels like? The way he looked at me; his eyes so deep yet gentle, felt they could penetrate my heart and look at it. His ever so gentle smile; he looked at me intently even when I was just talking, like I was some beautiful painting. His touch; I would shiver and then calm. I had this constant urge to absorb every moment; to save it in my memory.

When we were leaving, we hugged each other. And this was the tightest hug we ever had. “I missed you so much” “I missed you too”. It felt I would break apart the moment I left him. I could hear him sniffle. I blinked back my tears.

I was in love, for sure.

Back at home, life returned back to normal. But I couldn’t undo him from my memory. He was in my dreams in night; in my thoughts in day. but I didn’t hit him up because I was afraid it would stir fresh feelings between us, and all that matters for me now is only my career.

I got his message that day;

“I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I have loved you Sara.

I know we are not together anymore and I shouldn’t be saying this but being with you feels like home. It felt like my heart repaired itself; a missing piece found its way back here. You are what keeps me alive, for real. The fact that the person I love is there somewhere, happy and alive, helps me breath.

You have saved me Sara. I would have been a total wastrel, had it not been you who came to my life, and made me realize I could love someone to this extent.

Several years later, when you are settled in life, and would turn back, you will find me standing here with open arms. I can never unlove you. I tried to find you in every girl I met. I cried. But I could never find one like you, and neither can I ever.

I won’t press my feelings upon you. Before I left for the USA today, I just wanted you to know, I am here for you always. My heart can never belong to someone else, but you.

I love you.”

Silent warm tears slopped down my cheeks. It struck to me. “Airport! I have got to meet him!”

I rushed, and sped all the way to the airport in my car. The entire way, there was a knot in my heart, spewing a strange anxiety and excitement.

There he was, unloading his baggage from his car. I parked my car at a distance, and ran towards him. He looked up towards me, an ingenuous confusion on his face. I ran and jumped in his arms. He caught me, and held on me tightly. I was crying, “Thank god. I am on time.”

We stood there, for a long moment. Finally, I looked at him, straight in his eyes. I ran my hands on his face, and wiped his tears. “I love you.”

This had us crying more. He took me in his arms once more. I could smell the same cologne I had once gifted him on his birthday, and I smiled when I realized how he must have been saving it so that it didn’t finish.

“We would meet again. I have a feeling. Somewhere, sometime in future.” He said as he held my face gently in his hands. “What exactly is this happening? What is it that keeps driving us together, again and again?”

I smiled with teary eyes. “I am afraid I can’t explain”.

“I want to hear it from you. Answer me. What is so complicated about it?” He reinforced.

“It’s not that it can’t be explained. But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words.” I smiled again when I saw his confused face. True. I am saving all of this, whatever I am feeling in my heart, in my memory. When put into words; I was afraid these moments may fade from my memory.

I looked at him, tiptoed and kissed him. Goodbye.

I went back to my car. And stood there. February end it was. I stood there; a spring breeze heavily fragrant with the new blossoms of the season, blew softly. The mild sun shone on me accentuating the brown hues of my hair. I felt hazy standing there in such sweet weather, like the way a single dose of morphine does: numbing the pain and blurring the thoughts until a smooth wave of drowsiness takes over our brain. I smiled as I watched his back from a distance. His pink hoodie disappeared into the airport gates.

I revved my engine and headed back to my home. My heart was elated; brimming with happiness. A sense of comfort and satisfaction dawned over me after a long, long time, until I turned on the FM.

“Boeing 767 aircraft that crashed moments after taking off…..”

My blood froze.

His pink hoodie disappeared into the airport gates, never to be seen again. 

An incomplete tale.