Trapped

Like every human, I too, am trapped in my own web of emotions. Constantly trying to decide between what my loved ones expect me to be and what I want myself to be. You may think; how difficult it is to express how you feel. It is difficult when you are constantly judged every second of your life for the choice of clothes you wear, the profession you choose and the decisions you take for yourself. Nowadays, the internet also chooses not to spare any of those using it religiously. People troll others online for reasons best known to them. Just because we don’t approve of what the other person does, does it give us a right to mock or ridicule them?

At times, I wonder if I am living my own life or someone else’s life. As I worry about what an ABC or XYZ would have to say rather than worrying about what I feel. As a mature adult, don’t I have the right to take decisions for myself? Good or bad, I am indeed responsible for my own actions. I have my own views; my own choices and they might be different from yours. Is it so difficult to understand? Why is there a constant need for acceptance from a certain someone or a certain set of people who claim to be the kings or queens of the land? Who even gave them the authority in the first place to tell you what is good for you and what is bad for you?

Every person is intelligent enough to decide for themselves. The only person who knows you the best is no one but you yourself. Why do I let another person take my life’s decisions on my behalf? Why is it that my entire life revolves around their one statement? Their opinion either makes me or breaks me. Is it my fault that I choose to listen to them rather than speaking up for myself? Am I a coward for keeping my emotions stuck up within me? Even though I can see and understand what’s going on, I choose to remain silent.

And my silence is what keeps the other person going stronger and me becoming weaker and weaker. It feels as if I am sitting on a frigging time bomb, waiting to explode any second. Whenever I feel like giving a certain person a piece of my mind, I control myself with the intention of not hurting them. In the end, I end up hurting no one but myself.

Why am I like this? Why can’t I just vomit out my emotions without thinking about the consequences? Why do people make me feel stupid and miserable all the time? Is it because I allow them to or because I am what they think I am? Why can’t I be just the way I want myself to be rather than depending on what people want me to be? All throughout my life, I’ve tried to search for happiness at all possible places. I thought I would be happy after completing my school education. When that didn’t happen, I felt it would happen after completing my graduation. From a graduate to a post graduate, I even secured a permanent job. Yet, I wasn’t happy.

Then, I thought maybe a relationship or marriage would make me happy. I expected another person to give me happiness when I couldn’t give it to myself all these years. What a fool I was to think that happiness is a stage or milestone which I need to achieve. To be happy, you don’t have to reach somewhere or be with someone. Happiness comes in the way of perks every day and you have to enjoy it while it lasts. It comes in little moments. You can have it in your own company or in the company of others. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is you cherish and relish it.

All throughout my life, I searched for happiness at all nooks and corners. What I didn’t know was, it was right under my nose all this while.

I am nothing but a prisoner of my own emotions. Others try to put me down; not because I am incapable. Either they think I am better than them or they have their own insecurities to deal with. It seems a bit unfair to impose your opinions on others. The world, has indeed become a tough place to live in and you have to learn to become tougher to survive.

You need to stand up for your own decisions; your own life choices. One day, you will have to tell the world- ‘Enough is enough.’ Your opinion about yourself hampers your inner growth more than others’ opinion about you. You can choose to ignore other people if you want to. But you can’t ignore yourself all your life. Whether we may agree with it or not, we are all victims of our own self-doubts and insecurities. Sometimes, we stress ourselves on issues that don’t even exist or haven’t even occurred in the first place. We neglect ourselves for others either to please them or to be accepted by them.

In reality, the only person whose acceptance in your life is of utmost importance is no one but yours truly. If you accept and love yourself just the way you are, no one will ever be able to stop you. It’s time to set ourselves free from the trap we have dug up with our own hands. It’s time to flaunt our virtues with pride and our flaws with even more pride. No one is born perfect and no one shall ever be. Why crave perfection when we are meant to be imperfect? Why not be the best version of ourselves and stand out by being different? By being real, for a change. Isn’t it better being a free bird rather than being a bird trapped in a cage of doubts and worries for no particular reason? It’s time to fly high without worrying about the distance or the destination. It’s time to set ourselves free, no matter where we are or where we reach. It’s time to move out of our own trap!