To Give, Is To Get

“Sometimes those who give the most are the ones with the least to spare.” - Mike McIntyre

Seema stopped at the door of her house. It was not a house, just a small 100 square feet space with a roof. It contained everything she owned, two sets of clothes, an extra set of work clothes, utensils that you could count on your fingers, groceries that would last her a week if she let go of a meal every day, and loneliness. She had a father a month ago, but she was on her own for as long as she remembered. In fact, loneliness never bothered her, her father did. He was a burden she was happy to let go of.

She stepped inside the door, unwrapped her dupatta, and placed it on the bed. She cleaned the room and washed the utensils kept in the sink. No cooking today. Her appetite was lost when she saw the little boy in the hospital. It evoked so many memories. Memories of a father who she liked to think of as a burden. It helped ease the pain of seeing him in that vulnerable state. But the mirage that she had created for herself had been lifted by a little boy, who was hardly 8-years-old. He looked so much like her father, even when they were years apart in age and death apart in existence. She was missing him today and for the first time since he left, she accepted to herself that she was loathing this loneliness.

There were differences, of course. The boy was wearing nice, expensive clothes. He was admitted to a 3-star private ward. And most of all, the boy’s family could afford a transplant. But all these were not enough. They needed a donor and they needed it right away.

Seema woke up at around midnight and found herself curled up in her bed. Her eyes had remains of dry tears and she was sweating on a cold January night. She had probably slept while thinking about the boy because she was still in her work clothes. She would never have done that if she was her sane self. After cleaning the hospital toilets the whole day, her clothes looked dirtier than the hospital toilets. The thought made her rush towards the makeshift bathroom in her house. She did not even look at herself in the mirror until she had bathed and changed into clean clothes.

The look in her eyes surprised her when she saw the mirror, at last. She wanted doubts and indecision but they were shining with determination. She had forgotten one difference between her father and the boy. He was willing to take her kidney. Her father was so hard-headed about it. He liked to think she had a bright future ahead of her. Only if he knew her future required her to clean toilets. She was lucky to get his job after his death, though.

The next morning, she prayed to God for the first time after her father’s death. There are some things that money can buy, the rest depends on God’s will. If her kidney did not match with the boy’s, all the money that his family possesses would be worthless. If her kidney did not match with the boy’s, she would never be able to forgive herself for not being strong enough to convince her father.

She made the little boy and his parents smile for the first time since she had known them when the transplant was confirmed by the doctor. She was proud of herself and she knew that her father would pretend to be angry, but deep inside he would be as proud of her. The boy’s father was willing to give all his wealth to her in return for the favor she was doing him. ‘That is how fathers are,’ she thought, ‘they don’t take, they give.’ But she won’t have that attitude for the second time in her life. Her kidney was way more precious than money. ‘They are more precious than my life,’ her father used to say.

She did not need money, she needed education. She wanted to live a life her father had dreamt of. What she had dreamt of was a father who had her back when she set out to conquer the world, to fulfill his dream. The smile vanished from the face of the boy’s father. She was 20, but she felt like a 10-year-old when he put his hand on her head and blessed her out of gratitude. She looked into his eyes out of curiosity and saw herself staring back. A tear fell out of his left eye at that moment and she realized that her eyes were also wet. She felt her father’s presence in his eyes. She felt her father blessing her through his hands.

Her dreams came true at that moment. She had her father’s back when she was taking the most difficult decision of her life. The burden of his loss had lifted from her shoulders and the warmth of his blessings had taken permanent residence in her heart.