The Tranquil Cessation Of Love

Enclasping the old and rusted latch of the window with those calloused fingers of mine, I lingered over its coldness that had sent series of shudders down the spine of my back. Letting the brittleness of the latch to bite through the flesh of mine, I couldn't help but rest my head upon the closed glass of the window while every unhindered breath of mine remained brutally hitched in the base of my parched throat. Those wakeful eyes of mine besought shards of solace amidst the countless bits of the past that kept wrecking through that head of mine while all I ever could do, was to stay put in this torturous abeyance - that would surely come to an end with the tranquil cessation of the love that failed to last imperishably. 

Snapping the latch open, I let the gentleness of the morning breeze to wheeze past me while the curtains danced back and forth. I leaned on the window sill, letting those eyes of mine to sway far and wide around my room. And there, I couldn't help but await the horrendous arrival of the innumerous memories that laid buried and suppressed in the segregated nooks of my mind to slowly unbridle, and shrouding every fiber of my being with the blistered happiness of the past. I couldn't help but await the horrendous arrival of the numbing memories to come and claw at the hollow insides of mine, and rending every barely healed wound of mine open only to bleed with an embittered emptiness. I couldn't help but await the horrendous arrival of the malicious yet preciously stashed away memories to come and engulf me wholly, cracking this heart of mine once again with the sole yearn for the closure that I had never managed to attain all this while. I couldn't help but await the horrendous arrival of those memories - the very ones that you and I had once created only to be embedded in the core of my soul, to hunt me down every time I made the inconspicuous and unavailing attempts to move on from them and stab me with the remembrances of the past that miserably failed to transfigure into the future that I had once fantasized with the everlasting blossoms of a love such as ours rather with the thorns of never dying rues and regrets. I couldn't help but await for each and every memory of ours to come and hit me hard across that being of mine only to tear me apart once again with the ferocious embers of the past, that still knew to set this soul of mine ablaze by the remnants of a love that I had once believed to abide with me till I breathed my last.

But alas! My mind didn't throb violently against that skull of mine with those wretched memories of ours. Those insides of mine didn't writhe and wrench achingly with the abyssal hollowness that you had left behind. That heart of mine didn't twist and turn, and bleed while exploding into shards of the past of yours and mine. And, that bruised and battered soul of mine didn't fragment this time amidst the void of sheer emptiness that you had once sewn with the fervidness of your love only to rip it out bare with that brazen and inexcusable departure of yours.

A sigh of relief escaped from those parched lips of mine, while my eyes never ceased to roam around the room that was hopelessly adorned with those several remembrances of yours, and of the love that had once salvaged every part of mine to make me whole - solely to leave me absolutely razed and ravaged at the end.

And there, I stared blankly at the hammock that remained motionless in that corner of my room. I stared at that tilted hammock that remained covered with uncountable specks of dust and dirt along with its strings broken and detached. And I remembered those memories that never failed to crash upon me with the mere glimpse of it. I remembered the dawns where those lids of mine used to flutter open only to catch the discreet and multihued streaks of the sun to shimmer across that serene face of yours while we laid wrapped in the embrace of one another upon that very hammock.

I remembered the late noons that you and I used to spend sitting on that hammock with those mugs of our favorite black coffee while the countless chuckles of yours kept echoing throughout this room of mine every time I relentlessly kept ranting and raving about living through the gruelling hours of yet another day away from you at work. I remembered the eves where I used to nestle against your chest as those stolid tips of your fingers kept playing with the knots in my tresses while the soothing melody of this very hammock swinging back and forth lulled us into the alleys of placid slumber. And there, I couldn't help but remember the way each of these innumerable bits of memories used to wreck through that mind of mine along with the several unheard and unanswered questions that kept bawling in those depths of that very mind since the day that marked the perennial absence of yours from this life of mine.

And now, as I kept staring at that hammock, a part of me still became the slave to the nasty trepidation of haplessly reliving those memories of ours once again only to burn in the phantom of laments and questions that the nastiness of your abandonment had left behind for me. But now, as I kept staring at that hammock, a faint outline of a curve tugged at the edges of my lips while an unfamiliar wave of solace raged inside of me - for my love, I had sought the closure of this love of ours in the painful yet undeniable acceptance of your absence from this small world of mine that once used to revolve around you. For my love, I had embraced the closure of this love of ours at last after battling every darkened day and night without you there by my side, and without the love that I had foolishly believed to be the sole anchor to that sunken soul of mine.

And there, I gazed at the wall right across me while scraps of white and cyan paints kept falling onto the white marbled floor with soft thuds. I gazed at the wall and at its eerie barrenness that once used to be flawlessly whitewashed and decorated with umpteen photo frames that retained every undying moments of that past of ours. And there, I remembered those memories that always remained boldly etched across every inch of that wall. I remembered the way you used to lean against that wall with that greyish hood thrown over your head as you soundlessly kept tapping your feet on the floor only for me to creak my eyes open in sheer fright from the lanes of slumber while fits of laughters grumbled out of you upon catching the frowns of annoyance across my forehead. I remembered the way we used to rest our heads against that very wall as those fingers of mine remained clasped around your forearm while we binged on watching the awfully scariest movies until the rays of the morning crept through the window and all the way to cast the soft gleam of warmth upon us. I remembered the way I used to hop on those shoulders of yours only to carve those initials of our names right at the middle of that very wall with adorably tiny hearts above them while you never stopped making faces at that childishness of mine. I remembered the way that callous arm of yours used to curl around my waist every time you pinned me against that very wall as those lips of yours and mine never failed to meld together while our souls kept beauteously morphing into one whole being. But then, I remembered the way I had devastatingly collapsed against this very wall as sobs of agony and anguish ruthlessly broke out of me while I kept drowning in the abyss of the unnerving and bone chilling emptiness that you had accursed me with since the day you turned your back on me without a word, let alone a bare goodbye before mercilessly pulling those once entwined paths of ours apart.

And now, as I kept gazing at that wall, a part of me stayed frigid with an apprehension of replaying through those memories of ours only to shriek and shrill with blitz of despair while paving my way out of the pit of ceaseless hollowness that you had inscribed upon every inch of me the day you had tossed me out of that life of yours within a fraction of second and never once turning around to spare a last glance at that fragmenting soul of mine. But now, as I kept gazing at the wall that once beheld the fleeting snippets of that love of ours, my shoulders slumped down not in defeat, but in triumph while a newfound sense of calmness washed over me - for my love, I had discovered the sweetness of the closure of this love of ours amid the void of bitterness that laid oppressed in the treasury of these memories at the back of my mind. For my love. I had procured the closure of this love of ours at last after combating through the ruined and obliterated illusions of the togetherness that I had ludicrously deemed to be lasting through every storm and splore of life.

And there, those wandering eyes of mine fixated right at the center of this room of mine - the very room that once remained vibrant with the lambency of my being that used to dazzle with the luminosity of your love. That meandering gaze of mine remained glued to the center of my room as the fragments of the memories that were once vivified here, came flooding back to the forbidden and secluded depths of my mind. And there, I remembered the times you had draped those arms of yours around me and lifting me off my feet to twirl me while I let myself to be swallowed in the entirety of those webs of fantasies and fallacies that were once procreated in the space of this very room. I remembered the times when you had snuck into this room before the breaking of the twilight only to hold me tight while shielding me away from the brutal sunshine that always pierced through those slumbering lids of mine. I remembered the times when you had squashed every stack of coldness that I had kept cocooned myself with and invaded this small abode of mine only to fill it with the vastness of the love that I never knew could have existed in the chambers of any heart. I remembered the times when you had stepped onto the threshold of this very room, tearing down every veil of aloofness and apathy that had kept me enshrouded for years while walking those steady steps of yours towards me with the little black box concealed in your fist, and along with the sole intention of making me yours for the rest of this lifetime of ours. I remembered the times when you never got exhausted from iterating those vows and promises of an unceasing companionship as we swayed side by side to the tune of our favorite song with the bliss of a faultless harmony while I, kept falling irrefutably for the radiance that you always held dear to the core of your existence.

But then, I couldn't help but remember the time when you had stopped walking through that wooden door of my room while making the proclamations of the love that was perhaps never supposed to breathe everlastingly between the two of us. I couldn't help but remember the time when you had forsaken me right here with no trace of explanation after ripping every string apart that once had strung us together while that bottomless pit of unheard and unanswered questions and cries never quelled for once. I couldn't help but remember the time when every fiber of this being of mine that only had made the blunder of loving you unconditionally was shredded into nothingness, leaving me brutally incapacitated of loving anyone anymore with utmost selflessness while you kept retreating back from the brinks of this barren life of mine, and rendering every part of me that once used to thrive on your love devoid of sanity and solace. I couldn't help but remember the time when I kept bellowing out loud while clenching that hurting chest of mine desperately only in the pursuit of the closure of the love that once completed me only to leave me aching with the never known scars of incompleteness. I couldn't help my love, but be remembered of the times when I never quitted to beseech the finality of the love that was only meant to be ephemeral; and of the times when I distraughtly searched hither and thither, forlornly pacing around every corner of this very room for the peace of a closure - that seemed to be absolutely elusive and foreign.

And now, as this maundering gaze of mine kept traveling all around the room- the one that remained tainted with the discernible blotches of the remembrances of yours, a part of me still perished in the silent yet salient dread of being once again crushed into shards of the girl that I once used to be only to live through those memories of ours incessantly until all that was retained inside of me was the perpetual numbness followed by the never fading quench for the tranquil cessation of this love - the love, that held the power to annihilate the very kernel of my being with the mere flashbacks of the past that still hung onto your presence along with that abrupt and unreasoned absence of yours.

But now, as that maundering gaze of mine kept roving all over my room, I merely rested my head against the window pane as I felt nothing but the serene peace of what I had been seeking all this while - closure. I glanced out of the window, putting my face forth to bask in the fierce warmth of the setting sun while that curve of triumph perfectly erupted upon my lips - for my love, I had grabbed the hold of the cessation of ours right in this very room after days of wallowing in the abyss of self pity and wails of angst. For my love, I had finally dragged myself away from every dread and doubt that you had left behind with a striking smile rather than fencing this being of mine again with the impenetrable stacks of coldness, and that was what this closure had taught me after endless battles of pulling myself through every agonizing hours of heartache with a mind that only had known to swirl with boundless questions and queries. My love, despite giving me the most precious moments of my life, this constant thirst for closure was the one that pushed me to learn in the hard way to accept every bliss of that togetherness of ours, along with the blistering aftermath of that horrid ending of ours.

And this closure, and only this had the tranquility that knew to soothe every ache of my heart away, and mending those cracks that laid patent on its surface with the lost and lorn capability of loving once again selflessly. This closure had the certain placidness that knew to hush those howling questions and qualms in the corners of my mind, and rewarding me with my forgone sanity back with every step that I had taken unwaveringly away from that blissful yet doomed past of ours. This closure that I had earned at last after weaving my once derailed path out of every dismaying phase of darkness and hollowness that your unfathomable desertion had casted upon my life, was the lone healer of mine.

And my love, only this heart wrenching yet reposeful cessation of that bygone love of ours, had the power to plant the resilient will in the empty pits of my soul to heal and hold myself together through every odd of this life but doubtlessly without you there by my side.