The second child syndrome

Society is a set of people around us who we naively take the liberty to decide what is right or wrong for us. There are certain societal norms if not fulfilled by us then we are allegedly leading an incomplete life. One such norm is a "complete family" concept. For a couple to have a complete family they must have two kids of the opposite gender. If we have no children or if we have one child or have two children with same gender then our family is not complete. Society doesn't look at the aura a new life brings to our family. We have a single child and maybe that is all that is needed to make our life complete, contented, and fulfilled but still under society pressure we waste most of our primal years thinking about the second child. In the second scenario if we are lucky to have the opposite gender then we have another milestone to cross before we call ourselves a complete family, ie the stereotype crisis. The boy should be masculine and the girl should be feminine. Sensitive boys and big-headed girls are not acceptable. In the third scenario where we have kids of the same gender their abilities, looks, and other features are under constant comparison. Under all these immoral theories created by society, our new-age families are going through a subtle crisis which I would like to call “ second child syndrome”. While the first child gets all the attention and love they deserve, the second child is judged based on their gender and ability right from their inception. We have no idea how the life within us can suffer if we are gender obsessed during pregnancy. Let’s halt these theories and create a society where we appreciate every life that God has created. Here’s my story of a young woman Ritika whose life changed dramatically with the arrival of her second child.

 

Ritika was a vivid young woman oozing with vitality and brilliance. She was an IT professional and quite a workaholic. She was quite creative at work. Ritika has been married for two years and her family expected her to think about having a child. She loved children but had no idea about parenting and childcare. Ritika had moved to a new business unit recently and she was working relentlessly to make a mark there. Her personal growth, child's wellbeing, and a balanced life were the only thoughts in her mind when she thought about her first Child. The Company was going through organizational changes and there was a leadership change in her unit. Her new boss quite arrogant. Her team was supportive though. In midst of work and pregnancy one fine day, she felt a kick in her tummy. For the first time, she felt she had another life within her. From that day on, she started praying to god regularly to have a healthy baby.

She was very happy about her pregnancy and eagerly awaiting the baby’s arrival. To her surprise, she was able to take good care of the baby utilizing her maternity leave and leave without pay. Soon she joined back and with the help of the company's in-house day-care, she was able to manage the pressure. Life was all well when all of a sudden "the society" crept into her life. While the mighty society already ridiculed her for keeping her young child in daycare another strong voice of it said that she was delaying her second child. Acceding blindly to the society norms she planned for her second child. Not even once did she analyze her life before taking this important decision. For an educated new age woman health, self-care, and quality of life are equally important as is her family. She can create a happy family only when she is at peace herself. Ritika ignored all this. She wasn't able to conceive for a while. It felt like a great loss, having a sibling for her child became the priority of her life. Nothing would make her happy.

One fine day she got to know, she was pregnant again. She was happy but the content lasted only for a while. She was under gender obsession this time as she wanted a complete family for herself. She was finally blessed with a healthy baby and that too of the opposite gender. She had a complete family, creative work life, and a loving husband, all ingredients of a happy women's life but still she wasn’t happy. Her girl didn't have a good fashion sense and her boy was sensitive. She lost her vitality and jollity. Life wasn’t the way she thought. One fine day she met Divya her college mate. Divya was energetic,lively and had a beautiful daughter. She was very happy with her life. She had a balanced and meaningful life. Talking to Divya, Ritika got to know that even Divya was pressurized to plan for a boy child as she will be alone in her old age once her daughter got married but she didn’t succumb to it. Ritika was taken aback and realized her mistake. No more listening to the devil and she started loving her life again.