The Missing Link

Aruna stood like a stone, as her dead husband was being lifted out of the cot and laid down on the floor by her son-in-law and his friends. It was strange that when she was so sensitive and would cry at the drop of a hat, she could not shed a tear when her 75-year-old husband lay still there, after having suffered from multiple illnesses for the last two years. She had lived with him for 45 years. Wouldn’t she miss him?  

Aruna’s 50-year-old daughter Meera was already a grandmother. Aruna had become a mother at the age of 21, just a year after her marriage to Ramesh Rao. It was an arranged marriage and Aruna had nothing to reject the proposal brought by her aunt Padma. “Ramesh is my close friend’s son. He has completed his Ph.D and is an Asst.Professor in the Regional Engineering College. He is the only son of a very decent couple. He has a sister who is already married off. No commitments. He has no vices and is very soft spoken.”

Aruna was a graduate and had just taken up a job in a private Bank. Ramesh was good looking too. So, she agreed for the marriage, though inwardly she desired to work for another 5-8 years before getting married. She knew her parents’ concern of getting her married off, as they had another two daughters to be educated and married off and her father was just an upper division clerk in a Government department. Good proposals rarely came on a platter!  

Aruna was fair and beautiful. She was intelligent and would have preferred to study more but understanding her family’s financial condition, she took up the job immediately after graduation. She was very popular in her college as well as her office and many men were after her. But she consciously avoided losing her heart to anybody, though she did like a couple of them, just because she knew the kind of reaction that would come from her orthodox parents. Love marriages were still not that popular in those days. They were still a taboo. ‘It seems that girl eloped with that guy’ kind of gossips were too common. Had she got into an affair, her sisters would have had to face the music!  

Her married life was smooth for the first six months. She conceived in the very first quarter after marriage. Her in-laws were pretty good and cared for her. She enjoyed her pregnancy and dreamt of her little child. But, she found it strange that Ramesh started distancing from her gradually and did not show much interest in their child. What was wrong?  

“Should you have conceived so early? We should have been alert”, said Ramesh when she was three months pregnant.  

“Why, are you not happy? Yes. We could have planned a bit. But it is not advisable to postpone the first pregnancy. Having a child when we are young has its own benefits. We can get a long time to lead our life usefully after carrying out our responsibilities.”

“I wanted you to study further. I wanted to go abroad and explore better career opportunities. Now, this child is going to be a hindrance for all that.”

Aruna was shocked. She had bigger shocks ahead. Meera was born and Ramesh openly neglected the mother and the child. His parents too were concerned and kept talking to him. He had no proper explanation. “I am busy with my research work. Please do not disturb me.”

When Meera was six months old, Aruna started attending office. Her mother-in-law took care of Meera very well. One day, as Aruna was travelling by bus after waiting for nearly one hour after office, she saw Ramesh going with a woman on his scooter and he was happily chatting with her at that signal. Who was that? Aruna looked out with interest. Lathika! Lathika was a Ph.D student, whom Ramesh was guiding. Okay! Nothing wrong that the two were going on a scooter. But what saddened and shocked Aruna was the lie grim-faced Ramesh uttered after returning home late in the night.

“Weren’t you supposed to pick me up from the office today Ramesh? Why didn’t you come? Where were you this long?”

“I had to complete a paper for publication. I was at the University library. Sorry! I forgot about my promise to you. But, should you court-martial me for that?” He did not look into her eyes and his shaky, irritated voice let him down. Aruna did not want to further the conversation.  

It did not take long for Aruna to learn of Ramesh’s affair with Lathika and his plans to go abroad with her. When Meera was just 2 years old, Ramesh said, “Meera, I am getting this offer, which is very attractive. A teaching contract of 3 years in an Ivy League University in the US. How many are so lucky?”

“What about me and Meera?”

“This is just for three years. Why should you quit your job? Meera has a secure home and grandparents to care for her. I will be back after three years.”

Aruna later learnt that Lathika too had got into the same University for her post-doctoral fellowship. She was devastated. Her parents-in-law too tried to advise Ramesh but he was adamant and left for the US. Aruna toyed with the idea of divorce but she felt that would be a big blow to her parents, sisters, parents-in-law and Meera. She instead chose to concentrate on her career and Meera, with the support of her in-laws. 

Ramesh telephoned just once in a fortnight and spoke very formally. He hardly inquired about Meera. Aruna was very hurt. After three years, Ramesh returned to India, as he could not get his contract extended. He was disappointed that he had to leave the US and Lathika back. He had a wonderful irresponsible life there, as Lathika demanded no permanent name for their relationship.  

From the day he came back, he started showing his irritation and behaving rudely with Meera and Aruna. When Meera was around 8 years old, Aruna had a very bitter fight with Ramesh for his irresponsible behaviour, which was hurting his aged parents too. After that, the two of them stopped talking to each other totally. Aruna took care of her in-laws till their death and brought up Meera all alone, though Ramesh lived under the same roof.

“What kind of relationship is this Aruna? Why don’t you divorce him?” her mother asked her.

“No Amma. Not after so many years. What’s the point? I have lost my youth. The society respects me and Meera only because we live in a ‘normal’ family. I have lost all interest now. How does it matter whether I live there or in a different house?”

“But why should you be cooking and caring for a man, who gives a damn for you?”

“I don’t know. I have gotten used to this life. I feel safe. I do not want to try anything new at this stage, when Meera has to be married off.”

Meera chose her life partner and got married. After that, Aruna felt free and took off on solo-trips to places of her choice. She would just write a note for Ramesh and leave.  

After Aruna retired, she got into many social activities, which kept her busy throughout the day. Ramesh spent all his time at home, just reading and watching television. He started falling sick. Though Aruna tended to him, took him to hospitals and nursed him, whenever needed, he did not speak to her. Neither did she speak to him or expect things to get back to normalcy. She did not want any verbal communication with him after so many years of silence.  

All her relatives and friends were surprised with her behaviour. What is that which is keeping her bound to a guy who hardly loved her? Aruna felt she was just doing her duty as a fellow human being.  

  

Two years ago, Ramesh’s kidneys failed and he became bedridden. Aruna nursed him without any emotion. She appointed a domestic help and went for her social gatherings and meets in between. She kept herself fit with yoga, walks and exercise.  

Just yesterday, as she was helping the maid to give Ramesh a sponge bath, he looked into her eyes and tears were rolling down his cheeks. He said, “Sorry!” Aruna did not react. It never touched her. Sorry for what?  

The hearse van moved out of sight and Aruna went back into her house. From now on, she will be all alone in this house. Meera lived 20 miles away and did visit her once a week. “Come and live with us Amma. Why live alone in this huge house?”

“No, Meera. Not right now. I have my own circle of friends and my activities in this locality. I am healthy. Sharadamma is willing to stay with me. I will live here for sometime. When I really cannot manage, I will definitely come to you. Who else do I have?”

Meera was crying. Was she crying for her dead father, who was a father just for namesake and she never got to know what a true father is or for her devoted mother, who sacrificed her entire life for her sake?