The Incredible Bribe

Early morning flights are so painful, I was cribbing about my 2:30 am flight from Kuala Lumpur to Mumbai. Transit in the middle of the night is really crazy, but I had no choice. I had to fly out of Jakarta as my Indonesian visa was about to expire. I was supposed to return to Mumbai, get my Visa renewed, and be back in Jakarta within 3 days for a crucial project launch. I was on the second leg of my trip from Jakarta to Mumbai via Kuala Lumpur.

 

I boarded my flight to Mumbai and started searching for my seat with sleepy eyes. To my utter disappointment, even this time I wasn't lucky enough to have a female co-passenger sitting next to me. With a sad face I looked at this Indian guy and he greeted me with a nice smile, HI I am Vipul. I couldn't hide my disappointment and responded with a dull face and a hello in a low tone.

 

Vipul was sounding quite friendly and immediately asked me, were you expecting a hot girl on the next seat?? And both of us laughed out loud. Vipul suggested that we be happy as usual with remote glimpses of air hostesses. We gelled up quite instantly as we shared a common interest in the eye tonic!!

 

We both were going to Pune, Vipul had started from Brisbane Australia while I had started from Jakarta Indonesia. It was already too late so we fell asleep after a brief intro and casual chit chat. Night passed by quickly and our beautiful air hostess woke us up for breakfast. It was 5:30 am and we were scheduled to land in Mumbai by 7.

 

While serving breakfast, the air-hostess handed over immigration forms to be filled before landing in Mumbai. Suddenly, a lazy morning turned nightmarish for me, I got goosebumps and a chill ran through my spine. Vipul was smart enough to notice a change in my mood and curiously asked what happened bro, now you were enjoying the breakfast and suddenly you are looking tense. What happened?

I was mum but my face was openly exhibiting turmoil triggered in my mind. Can I help in any way, asked Vipul. I agreed I am tense in fact scared, it's a long story and you cannot help me in any possible way. Rather no one can help me out.

Come on aisa kaunsa asma tut pada achanak ki koi help nahi kar sakta. Bata sale kya huwa hai?? Vipul was getting worried and kept asking me what kind of issue is this that no one can help out with. I gathered my senses to speak and my mind slipped into the past. I started narrating a two-month-old incident to Vipul which was the sole reason behind my worry.

I started recalling, it was a hot summer evening. I was sweating in the long queue for entry at Terminal 2 Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport Mumbai. It's Mumbai and no wonder even the International Airport was heavily crowded.

Rather than travelers, the entry lobby was filled with the relatives who had come to see off their loved ones. Few of them had their son or daughter going abroad (presumably some onsite IT assignment) or middle-class families who had managed to save their hard-earned money for a once-in-a-lifetime foreign tour. Right from distant relatives to neighbors all were present for the see-off.

The keen observer in me had my eyes and ears wide open to experience each of these unique situations around me. Needless to mention, typical moms were repeatedly reminded about the bag having a pickle jar or how quickly the desi ghee laddoos need to be finished before they get spoiled.

 

While all this emotional drama was overflowing, I noticed a very serious-looking CRPF Jawan stretching his eyes beyond limits as if he was going to read out every bit written on air tickets. And it seemed like entry inside the terminal was more dependent on his mood or if he found my face innocent enough to be trusted as a harmless genuine traveler.

Somehow I made my way across the overloaded trolleys while my mind kept wondering if almost every other family is going to relocate out of India. Absolutely clueless what the hell do they fill in such big bags and that too so many in numbers. I reached the entry gate and was granted entry.

Now that I was inside the departure terminal I felt lucky. It was nothing less than an achievement to travel all the way from Pune, take a hurdle race over a notorious express highway, beat crazy suburban traffic in Mumbai, and reach the airport in time!

I was relaxed as it was my second time there, the place was known and so was the process. While waiting for my turn in the queue at Malaysian Airlines all the thoughts of my onsite project started popping in. After all, I had left Jakarta two days back just for a quick visa run, a stupid visa rule which mandates exit out of Indonesia every two months. In a way it was good for me, I got to visit Pune, see my friends, grab stock of Indian groceries, and all this at the company's expense, what else does a newly recruited IT engineer need?

As I kept moving closer to the counter I noticed a fat uncle at the check-in counter, who was sounding more like a school principal with a bold mustache and big glasses. Wasn't a very pleasant beginning of the journey but by the time I reached the counter a charming girl took over from Uncle!! I was greeted with a very cute smile. Her pleasant looks and soft tone refreshed me and I recovered from the stressful journey so far. Good Evening Sir, may I have your tickets and passport, please?

But the dream was short-lived, before she could issue me a boarding pass, the fat uncle returned from his short break. He took over from the cutie pie whom I had almost fallen in love by now. He checked my passport and looked at me with a grave surprise, how come you are traveling without the required documents?? Without documents, what do you mean?? I have confirmed air tickets, a valid visa, and a valid passport. What else is required to travel abroad?

 

First of all, my fat uncle spoiled the pleasure of my eyes by replacing the cutie pie and now he started cribbing about missing travel documents. It came as a big surprise, given the fact that it wasn't my first time and I had taken the same flight just two months back to the same destination.

What's wrong with my papers I asked in a disappointing yet optimistic voice? Is me YeCeYanAar Kaha hai?? he said in a typical south Indian accent. What the hail is that and why do I need it now?? I was about to explode. Uncle literally stared at me as if I was a school student challenging some punishment.

Out of frustration of waiting in the queue a fellow traveler helped me with his interpretation skills and uttered "ECNR". He means ECNR stamp which is mandatory for traveling to Indonesia. Travelers next in the queue extended courtesy by explaining in full form, Emigration Check Not Required(a stamp given by the ministry of labor) is missing from your passport.

Then how the hail was I allowed to fly last time I questioned, it was the same airline, Malaysia Airlines?? He checked my passport again and noticed that last time my travel agent had secured a one-time stamp from the labor department which was utilized during my last trip. I had absolutely no clue about all this mess.

He suggested I go back to pune, visit the passport office, submit my degree certificate, and get ECNR stamp before I plan to fly. He also offered to put my ticket on hold without extra charges. His words hit me like a thunderbolt as I wasn't expecting any such mess at all. Going back and getting a stamp from the red tape system of the passport office?? The idea in itself was so horrible.

My project had a product launch in a matter of two days and I was supposed to prime the activity? Not only the project launch but it was my first professional opportunity to showcase my skills. The supposedly bright beginning of my professional career suddenly got in grave risk.

No No No I can't let this happen I said in a very bold and stubborn voice, after all it was a question of my job. I would literally get fired if I fail to reach Jakarta in time. I told him I want to talk to his senior with the hope that I will figure out some temporary JUGAD.

I cannot do anything as its an immigration matter and ECNR stamp is mandatory by law, Uncle made it very clear. If I issue you a boarding pass, your travel would be seen as illegal by the immigration officer plus you would lose money as no refunds are given. That ticket was probably more than my one month's salary!! What do I do now?? How would it feel to pay for this risk out of my own pocket??

Should I call Shailesh my manager?? No way, he is going to yell at me for this mess. He wanted me on site before launch at any cost. How can I tell him I cannot fly just for a silly rubber stamp? Moreover, he is a Canadian citizen, if I don't know about ECNR how would he be able to help me out?? So calling the manager was out of the question.

Let me call my travel agent, but at this time?? its almost 11 pm. I only had the landline number of my travel agency and their office would have closed by now. It didn't take long to realize I am in a big big trouble and I don't have any option to get out of it. Dreams of an amazing beginning of my onsite career were shattered in a moment. I wasn't ready to believe this was happening to me, I didn't even have any arrangements to go back to Pune at such a late night.

But I was determined to fly, fly at any cost, the stubborn Scorpio in me suddenly had woken up. I told myself that in the worst case I will ask the company to bear the cost of ticket cancellation after all it wasn't my fault. I wasn't told about the missing ECNR stamp before issuing me the ticket.

I asked fat uncle to issue my boarding pass and told him that I will deal with the immigration officer. He doesn't need to worry about it. The never-give-up attitude of mine had transformed into a real weapon for me, I picked up my boarding pass and walked towards immigration counters. I was feeling as if I was going on a salvage mission. Actually, it was nothing less than a salvage mission as it was a question of my onsite assignment if not my job itself.

I still don't remember what made an otherwise hesitant person so confident and take the risk of a 40K worth air ticket. Nonetheless, I got in yet another queue and went on to see a lady at the immigration counter. I wished her a Good Evening and she looked at me with a bit of surprise, maybe she wasn't used to such warm gestures.

She fired general questions at me: where am I going, why, when would I return bla bla bla. I answered all to her satisfaction, projecting myself as an aspiring IT engineer going abroad for a crucial project. Going through my papers she noticed that I do not carry the mandatory ECNR stamp and handed over all the documents back to me. ECNR stamp kuthe aahe? Asa thodi jata yete, niyam astat te palawe lagtat.. Where is the ECNR stamp, you cannot go without it, there are rules to be followed, she said in a rather stern voice.

It made me very nervous but I noticed her surname on the badge she was carrying. She was a Marathi lady and I was in Maharashtra at the end of the day, my own state. The Marathi manus in me got optimistic and I switched the conversation to Marathi calling to her as Kaku in my typical Marathi accent.

She gave a sarcastic smile and wondered how come you got a boarding pass, didn't the lazy airline guys notice missing ECNR she asked. I told her they noticed it but I forced them to issue a boarding pass. This is my first job and my first onsite project, if I fail to reach Jakarta I would be fired. I am the only bread earner of my family, my father is a retired man bla bla. It was getting melodramatic but I managed to keep my sad face intact and leveraged every possible emotional drama.

Travelers in the queue were losing their patience due to our tussle and we both noticed it. I was not ready to move and my emotional attyachar in Marathi started showing effect. She asked me what do you want me to do now?? It's illegal to go without an ECNR stamp!!

Madam, I can do anything to make it to this flight, literally anything!! She finally gave up and asked literally what it means? what exactly?? I gathered all my courage and asked in a scared voice how much would it take to let me go?? My heartbeats were racing, the noise of planes taking off was making me even more nervous. It was an international airport and I had literally attempted to bribe an immigration officer!! I had done something which was remotely unimaginable.

I had almost closed my eyes expecting a serious reprimand. But to my surprise, she reciprocated by asking you to tell me how much you can give and my eyes brightened up. Without waiting for a single moment I said FIFTY THOUSAND looking straight into her eyes. What fifty thousand?? That's more than the airfare you are paying for, are you crazy?

And don't dare to talk this loudly with me, if anyone listens I will get fired before your flight takes off. Marathi Kaku was astonished by my blunt offer and remained puzzled. I said sorry for speaking out loud and explained that it's literally a question of my job and I simply wanted her to believe me.

She said OK, returned my papers, and asked me to hide thousand rupees in them and give them back. On one hand, I was delighted that my plan of bribing was working but her insistence on thousand rupees made me even more nervous. She noticed it and asked me if there was any problem?

Yes, I said!! She got super annoyed, now what's the issue?? Can't you see I have a big queue lined up, soon my supervisor will come and that would be the end of your time at this counter? I agreed, yes yes let's wrap it up fast but the problem is I don't have any Indian currency. Oh is it hmmm so which currency do you have? I said but obviously Indonesia Rupiah, that's where I am going.

She was a bit skeptical, will it get converted to INR? I promptly replied, of course, mam it's an official currency of a nation, no reason why it won't get converted. The person managing the queue at the immigration section started making noise and Marathi Kaku said ok ok put it in papers and go. She also instructed me not to talk to any other officer and go straight to the boarding gate.

I did as I was told and rushed to the final security check. I was so happy from inside about my marvelous feat, something which was sounding almost impossible till a few minutes back. My heartbeats were still running high and I didn't have anyone to share my joy. Suddenly I heard someone shouting "kake yahi ruke ga ke"? Are you going to stay here in the queue forever asked the security person in his Haryanvi accent.

I realized I was lost in a different world and it was my turn to stand on the dais for a security check. Though I was quite sure the security guy won't bother about immigration rules, still I was a bit skeptical if he would notice I am flying without an ECNR stamp. But he was more interested in checking the buckle of my belt, metal key chain and even the pen. Tu akela hai ke baki aur kisi ko na jana?? Yet another yelling for a security stud and I was through the last security check.

Once I reached the boarding gate I carefully chose a remote corner seat and kept waiting for the boarding announcement. The airline staff was continuously roaming around scaring the hail out of me. It was for the first time I was trying to hide as if I had committed some crime. Well, it was indeed a crime, illegal immigration and bribing an immigration officer on duty!! Soon I realized that the airline staff was not looking for me but a missing passenger on another flight. I got a big sigh of relief and wondered how come people go missing with an international flight waiting for them. Probably it happens only in India where airline staff have to hunt for missing passengers across the airport by literally shouting out their names.

Boarding started but with first-class and passengers with infants. God how long I have to wait to take off from Mumbai and put a full stop to this turmoil. To add further to my misery, I had got a front-row seat which meant I would be the last one to board the flight and have more chances of getting caught. Each second was sounding as long as an hour, I was getting restless with every passing moment.

Finally, I became part of the "rest of the passengers" who may board the plane now" and made my way inside the Boeing 747. Don't know why but the air hostess specifically asked me, may I see your boarding pass, please? Before I could question her she guided me towards the row I was supposed to seat in. I thanked God she didn't ask about ECNR otherwise air hostess asking for ECNR was the last thing to happen on this trip. I made myself comfortable and immediately asked for water which took the air hostess by surprise. I was asked to wait till boarding completes and we take off? I told her OK forget about water I am more eager to take off than you. She obviously had no clue what was I talking about.

I was tense till the time the flight took off from Mumbai. But that was my day indeed, nothing untoward happened, my flight took off from Mumbai and I landed safely in Jakarta.

After reaching Jakarta, I got busy with my work. The project launch went successful after multiple failed attempts, a different saga which I will share separately on some other day I told Vipul. Once in a while, I used to get nightmares and used to google about punishment specified in Indian Penal Code for bribing and traveling without valid documents. Though Google didn't help much, all I could understand is I would be behind bars for months and not days had I been caught.

Soon it was month-end, time to fill the expense sheet. Since it was my first onsite assignment I was very disciplined about my expenses. The whole idea behind going onsite was to save money and buy my own home, big enough for me and my family.

Due to my hectic project work neither I got a chance to share the incident at Mumbai airport with my manager nor I was able to scream out loud at my travel agent for the ECNR mess. I figured out my own way to pull up stupid travel agent who made me go through such horror and forced me to commit a serious crime. It was also a chance to run a prank over my manager Shailesh and make him realize what all I have done to make the project successful. Not only at a professional level but at a personal level too!!

I submitted my expense report for the manager's approval. As expected I got a call from Shailesh the next morning. He was trying to express surprise as well as anger in his own polite way. Pankaj, do you realize there is a strange entry in your expense report? I innocently asked Shailesh which one? One under the head "Special Immigration Fees" that too for 50,000 INR. That's quite a big amount for any type of fee!! On top of it you have mentioned you don't have a receipt for it, what the hail is this?? Shailesh finally burst out at me.

I had a wicked smile on my face and told him what all happened at the airport and how I made it through. Shailesh was taken aback, Pankaj you bribed the immigration officer? Are you serious?? I said yes. "Jesus!! This is an insane" typical Canadian reaction which I had anticipated.

Shailesh was finding it very hard to believe, I know bribing happens in India but an Immigration officer at an International airport for illegal traveling?? The rule-bound Canadian in him was sounding deeply hurt by my over-adventure. And now you want me to approve reimbursement for it under the name of so-called "Special Immigration Fees". I still don't believe anything right from "getting in this ECNR mess" to a reimbursement claim for the supposedly paid bribe!!

Shailesh come on, look at my dedication man. I went out of the way to ensure we launched on time. Instead of appreciating my efforts, you are questioning the petty expense?? This is not done, why would I pay out of my own pocket, this was none of my fault. I used all possible arguments I can make to justify my claim. Though my intention wasn't to claim the money but to let my manager understand the pain I went through. And subsequently, have my manager blast the travel agent who was the sole culprit.

Shailesh was stuck in a weird situation. He went on to explain to me, Pankaj we don't have any policy which covers reimbursement of bribes!! I have no clue how will finance process this expense. That's what you are good at, Shailesh. You are the only one who can get this claim approved. I rolled the ball back in his court by saying "I trust your charm will work". And in case if fails, you can pay me cash once I am back in Pune next month on my Visa run. Pankaj Nirale you are impossible and he disconnected.

Back on the flight to Mumbai Vipul was thoroughly enjoying my narration. Wow, what a crazy experience dude, simply unbelievable. So why this fear and what's the anxiety about asked curious Vipul. I am still puzzled why you are so tense. Don't tell me you are now fearing authorities at the airport will catch you now at the time of immigrating back in India?

BULLSEYE!! He was bang on the point. That's what my worst fear was. Would that Marathi Kaku be waiting for me with the cops at the Immigration counter?? Or she would have circulated my photo and details to every immigration officer?? Would I get arrested as soon as I show up there? Bribing is a crime dude come on I cannot assume nothing is going to happen.

Hearing this Vipul started laughing loudly, you are really crazy yarr I can't believe you are still scared. Why the hail would your Marathi Kaku get you arrested now? She was the one who took the bribe in the first place won't she be inviting trouble for herself too??

You have a point Vipul, but have you ever been to Indonesia, I asked Vipul. No, never but how is that related to your fear?

I asked him one more question, do you know the exchange rate of IDR?? That's an even sillier question, how would I know the forex rate of IDR I told you I have never been there. It's not USD or Pound that would be very common to know exchange rates!

That's where the origin of fear lies, I said with a tense face. Now Vipul was getting irritated and losing his patience as if I was taking him on a ride with a fictional story for the last hour or so.

I paused and asked him yet another question, do you know how much 1000 IDR would convert to INR? Maybe 20 to 30 thousand, he said. USD is roughly 43 per INR to IDR around the same range, Vipul took the liberty and made a convenient guess.

That's when I started laughing loudly and told him how much 1000 IDR actually converts to. It was 4 Rupees 70 paise!! What 4 rupees 70 Paise???? Vipul was stunned. How come it's so low, it's a foreign currency???

So what?? I questioned. Who says foreign currency has to be stronger than INR. One INR was roughly 200 IDR and that's how a bribe of 1000 IDR turned out to be 4 rupees 70 paise. I was offering 50K but Marathi Kaku chose to be happy with just 1000. What can I do?? Neither I had the time nor any benefit in telling her the exchange rate.

Poor Marathi Kaku would have planned to buy sweets for her kid or maybe have a candlelight dinner with her hubby. I couldn't imagine how long the forex agent would have laughed after getting 1000 IDR for conversion. I doubt any forex agent in India converts IDR!!

Vipul was bursting out with laughter, and everyone around us started staring at us wondering what exactly the matter was. Such was the intensity of his laughter that he pulled off his seat belt and was about to roll into the aisle. Hilarious was the only word he could utter.

We were about to land and the seat belt sign was ON. Sir, I hope you are OK, please be seated until we land, is there anything I can help with? No no nothing said Vipul, all I need now is a bunch of 1000 IDR notes in my pocket. I don't need to shell out hefty bribes anymore, I got the idea of an Incredible Bribe!!