The Best Farewell

The Best Farewell
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It was just one of those busy sunny days in Mumbai and as usual, I was still stuck in the traffic for about 15 minutes now...

Without letting the irritation get to my face, I took a deep breath and looked out of the cab window only to find the mighty 'Victoria Terminus', which is one of the well-known places in Mumbai and checked the time in my watch..

It's already 9.30 and I was unsure of how long it'll take me to reach the hospital..
I just glanced at the cab driver.., who was equally pissed off with the traffic that day...

"Ma'am.., it's all because of the opposition party's protest on some stupid issue...
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......he said pressing the horn and i could hardly guess the feel in his tone as the people around were busy in pressing their respective vehicle's horns so as to reach their destinations as soon as possible...

....................

Passing the time there, I started observing the people who were mostly on two-wheelers with their lappy bags hanging over their shoulders and cursing their fate and the protesters who blocked the road...

Breaking my thoughts..., my mobile vibrated and I somehow guessed who it could be..
And.., I was right.. Dr. Gayatri's name flashed on the display and I picked it up..

" Hello Dr. Sameera.., are u taking an off today..?? "
.......her voice seemed quick and I could feel her breaths in between..

"No.., Dr. Gayatri. I'm on my way to the hospital..
......( the traffic then started to move and the driver accelerated the cab )
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"Will reach in 5 minutes.. I think we are having 7 delivery cases today...
I can't put the entire responsibility on you.."
......I said and smiled to let her relax a bit..

"Ohh.. yeaa...!! I'm waiting for you...!!"
.....I could hear her settled voice and cut the call, as I had already reached the Berny's street on which was my destination.

Paying the fare..., I took out my crisp ironed white coat with my name engraved on it and I didn't miss to touch it.., before wearing the coat...

That somehow makes me proud of myself.. My achievement...

My achievement...
My dream since childhood..

'Dr. Sameera Dixit (chief Gynaecologist )'
A smile appeared on my face touching the name badge and i soon found myself entering inside 'Sawera Ben hospital'..,the first option to many people because of the best standard of treatment offered there and having 90% success rate in many operations from a simple surgery to the complex heart transplant surgery...

Smiling and greeting my peers and juniors I walked past the Gynaec block and found that Dr.Gayatri had already taken her 1st case that day, and as it's a caesarean case, it may take an hour and half..

"Dr. Here are your case lists..
I have scheduled accordingly..."
the head nurse Lakshmi approached my cabin with a file and I had started to pick up my instruments..

Before I could say something, my mobile vibrated again and it was my mom calling now to know my decision..

Lakshmi ji, left the cabin seeing my changing expressions so as to give me the required privacy...
I just sat on my chair wondering how easily people could guess my expressions and yet the one I have always wished to guess my state of mind..., failed to know my feelings...

"No.., Sameera...!! Not again...
Don't think of him...!!"
........I silently consoled myself not willing to bring back those memories, that makes me feel defeated, dejected and shattered all at once..

I just blankly picked the call, to repeat the same lines, which i had been doing from the past 3 years...

"Mom..., I need more time... I can't rush on something which is the MOST important decision in my life... ....

......before I could continue.., I could hear her sobbing on the other side...

"How much more sami... u will turn 27 this March and we have already lost many good alliances..."

"Mom.. please.. I need to attend 4 cases today..
So please don't start this topic again.
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I will call u later... U pls take care and ask dad to purchase the prescribed strip which i had emailed him..."

..........and cut the call the very next moment before hearing mom's sobs again..

It really kills me..., to put down her request every time but I just can't help..
Since childhood.., I never gave any chance to point out me on any issue..
Whether it's about studies or having a friendly relationship with relatives..

I was always portrayed as the perfect daughter..., perfect student.., perfect example of success and what not...

But, life itself is a roller coaster ride and emotions play a keen role in life which has the power to change lives with few decisions...

Right ones.., make life a rose bed
and the wrong decisions make us face the throne path and kill one's inner peace which adds essence to life...

And the worse is...when you are still unable to figure out whether you took the right decision or the wrong one....

Sitting inside my air conditioned cabin I could feel my palms sweating as the train of my thoughts started to explore the locked memories which were 6 years old and i just closed my eyes to live those memories once again...
A zillionth time...

Those were the early days.., when I secured a good rank in NEET exam and we had to shift to an apartment in Tilak Marg, Delhi as I was expected to get a seat in Delhi medical college...

9th September' 2011 ..., that was the day I first saw him..
A turning point in my "perfect" life...

Hearing the calling bell.., i opened the door to find a guy standing in front of me holding a bunch of invites in his hand...

It took me seconds to shift my view from those colurful invites towards the one holding them and the first thing I noticed was his twin dimples..., on either side of his cheek..

"Hii.. I'm siddhath... A resident of this community...
'B' block..."
......he gestured his hand towards the other end of our block and said

"That's where I live..."
.....he smiled and his brown eyes captured my gaze..

I couldn't understand where to focus my attention...
His tone which seemed like tasting a candy dipped in honey
or
his twin dimples that appeared much clear when he smiled...

And I chose the latter one and was lost in his smile as I felt it was one of those rarest smiles one can encounter in their entire life time..

He waited for a minute and then continued..,

" I came to know that you have recently shifted in here..
So.., it would be your first time.., to participate in our upcoming 'Ganesh Utsav'.. "

.......he paused again and gave me a fair chance to respond...

And before I could do that he smiled again and I was tongue tied, staring at his smile stupidly...

"U will definately enjoy the event...!!
Here is the invite..."
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.........he passed me the invite and along with it was attached a palm plate with the event organisers names and their respective photographs.."

That's when i finally blinked and didn't even realized that had been staring at him for quite long than necessary.., and took the invite..

He started leaving towards the other flat and somehow i wanted to stop him..
In fact if have the power.., i wished to stop the moment for long hours...

"Hey..., what do you do...??!!"

.......i found myself blurting out and he turned towards me again..

This time..., I had observed his chain with an ' ॐ ' symbol locket peeping out of his shirt buttons...
He caught my curious expressions and said..,
"I'm doing my Masters in Business Administration (MBA)
....... and what about ... "

......before he could ask about me.., a guy reached him from the other end and took him along with him..., saying that the workmen at the event needed him to finalize something...

I just stood there staring on the way in which he left with spellbound expressions...

Maybe that was an instant attraction.., I felt at that time... And the entire day.., i had spent reading the invite over and over and slept placing the palm plate in which he was smiling .., near my heart...

That year's 'Ganesh Chaturthi' was the best time I had spent after many years as earlier it was just a day I used to pray God to fetch me the top position in exam bt for the first time.., I had wished something different..

I prayed to God to make Siddharth notice me and fall for me...
Days passed in the same way so as our friendship....
But still.., it was always me..., who was deeply fascinated by his words as he has a way with every thing in life..

He was confident.., yet kind... Initiator yet sober..
Optimistic about everything in life and had a positive aura towards life...

Slowly..., his thoughts.., his focus on to achieve something big and the way he motivates people around him made me a huge admirer of him.... He really had a way with his words...

I was drugged with this slow addiction named 'Siddharth'.....

Our 6 months of friendship gave a set of invisible wings to me with which I had started to explore this new emotion called 'Love' within myself which has the power to mess with the hormones that can give utmost happiness whenever you dream about your perfect life with that special person...

And as I had said before..., life never stops at one phase... And I had impatiently waited for him to propose to me as I felt it was a guy thing to take the first step..

My face was visibly red whenever I was talking to him walking around the park near our community and still he couldn't get my hints that i was madly in love with him...

But..., it was that phone call that shattered everything i had built inside as feelings that were throbbing to express as soon as I would get that one hint from him...

It was the night when I was in a pre student medical camp in Mumbai.., i got a call from Siddharth who asked about my return and said that he has a surprise awaiting for me in Delhi...

And those hints were enough for me to guess that he loves me too and i had started making conversations in my mind as to how I would convince my parents that i wanted to marry him..

But it took me 2 days to realize how wrong i was and how deeply his closeness affected me...
When he first introduced Diya to me as his girlfriend...., I thought he was playing a prank on me and I waited for him to prove me right...

But that didn't happened... 3 days.., a week a month and i still felt that he would clear the mist of confusion and hug me tight...
But that Never happened...

And that was followed by hours of crying and sobbing silently in the washroom so as to not let my parents know how vulnerable their 'Perfect' daughter had became after a guy...
And the worst thing was that i have seen him with the same fascinated expressions when he was talking to Diya.., who he introduced me as his class mate and she had shifted to his next flat a week later...

Emotions can be angels as well as demons at the same time...
When we are in 'love' with someone.., they act as angels in giving the best memories and dreams...

But when we find that we are only the one in 'love' and not the other person and the one is having no clue about our state... these emotions kill us slowly, not letting us to forget them at any point...

The bond between humans and emotions is strange and yet in most cases emotions have their dominance..

And adding salt to the already sore wound..., I heard that he had left for Lucknow to pursue his studies there as Diya's family had to transfer to Lucknow because of her father's job requirements...

Though his parents didn't know the exact reason for his sudden decision to shift to lucknow and stay there in the respective college hostel.., I guessed the obvious...

I was visibly hurt...!!
Yes...!! But not because he had left Delhi..
But he didn't care to at least inform me about this sudden plan...

That left me drained and some part of me died at that moment.., knowing that I was nothing to him.... And since then.., I had closed the doors of my heart..., though I found few guys in my our college showing interst in knowing me...

But everytime someone approached me.., i some how looked for 'Siddharth' in them..
And if not.., I still hoped to see how long they can wait for me as I know that i could have waited for Siddharth if he didn't choose Diya over me..
But no one lasted more than 2 months... That made me feel even more defeated as why i was so much into Siddharth that i couldn't look for anyone in life if it's not him...

Years passed and my focus towards my career never left its path and it took 3 years to emerge as one of the recommended Gynaecologist of the town....

Helping a tiny piece of life welcoming the world is one of a priceless occupation and I'm at least proud of myself in the professional phase of my life though my inner self is all a twisted mess which I'm faling to get it sorted from the past 6 years...

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"Ma'am..., the operation room was set and all the formalities and paper work are done..."

Hearing Lakshmi's voice..., I opned my eyes all at once that made me face the real and existing world again...

"Yes... I'm coming...!!"

I stood up from my seat holding the file and it's exactly 10.15.., i needed to attend my first case...
Locking my valuables inside my desk.., i headed towards the Operation theatre changing into dress, covering my head and mouth with a mask..

....................

It took 7 hours to attend all the scheduled 4 surgeries in my list with one being a Caesarian and 3 being normal deliveries..

Dr.Gayatri.., reached the canteen by 6.., that evening after finishing off her cases and scheduling the next day appointments..

"Ohh.., this was the best time throughout the day when we just sit and sip the hot brewing coffee and forget all the tiredness..."

She pulled out a chair infront of me, in one of the corner tables of the canteen and smelled the coffee before taking the first sip, smiling at me..

I could guess her tiredness seeing her puffed eyes..

"Yes...Indeed it's the best time... Are you having hard time in sleeping during nights...?? Because u look very tired these days..."

"Yeaa.. I look terrible these days..
....her smile faded and the next moment i found her blushing..

"Ritwik was back and this time he is on a month leave..
He said that new recruitments have been taking place in Navy and so he is having not much work to deal with..

It's been 3 months i had been waiting for him and the sleepless nights are the result of his arrival..!!"

I could see her smile like newly wed bride as she narrated how happy she was for her husband's return..

" Ohh.. yeaa... you guys must be having a good time...!!"

I winked at her and all i could remember was mom's words asking and threatening to get married soon...

She then fished out her mobile from her handbag and started texting her husband who must be waiting for her at home to spend the best possible privacy with her.

I wondered i could ever live those emotions once again with someone else, seeing her lit up expressions...

Brushing off the thoughts..., I looked out of the window and could hear the slow whisper of air.. It was not one of those usual evenings and the blue shade of the sky began to darken with clouds gathering to form a scenic climate...

'It's about to rain..' i said looking at her bt then found that she was lost in her small world that's fitting in her hand which is acting as a medium to connect her with Ritwik.

I silently sipped my coffee giving her the space she needed and felt the cool breeze hitting my face... If emotions were seasons, then from the past 6 years.., I was stuck in Autumn season with shredding thoughts and hopeless future...

I tried not to think of it again but failed miserably...
6 years is a long time..., but still there was never a day that passed without thinking of him in all these years... All I ever wished for was a happy ending.... bt that didn't happened.

"Dr.Sameera.., there is an emergency and if you are free..., would you look up the case...?

My son is leaving this night..., and i need to be at home then...!!"

My trance broke as I heard Dr. Parjit Singh's tone near our table and i stood up to focus on what he was saying...

"Actually.., I would have never troubled you.., if it was not about my son.."

Being the most experienced Gynaecologist.., he had helped us in controlling the situations at emergency and i couldn't just put down his request even though i felt equally tired...

"Of course sir..., please hand me the patient's file and i think you should start now as it's about to rain..."
I stared outside the window once again and he left towards the parking lot thanking me for understanding his problem...

"I think you should leave too...!! Your husband must have planned something romantic this evening...!!"

I said raising my eyebrows and Gayatri blushed again and soon left the cafeteria. I headed towards the Gynaec block with the night shift nurses who were busy in setting the operation table...

I frowned going through the patient's file as she has a problem with breathing and her reports justified the complexity..

" Caesarian will not work in her case. We should opt the traditional method and inject her the dose which enhance the pains.."

........I then asked the head nurse to look into this and it's vital to take the approval of the patient's spouse to seek further process..

"Dr. The approval form is already filled. I think we should start the delivery process..."

Walking towards the OT.., in brisk steps i glanced at the form which Lakshmi has handed me and it took me no time to read the name in the form which led my steps to take a sudden halt..

'Diya Kashyap'

I spell the name for once and with wide open eyes i searched for the signature of the spouse...
I could feel my shivering lips spelling his name and my fingers unknowingly touched the signature..

Siddharth Kashyap

A brain hemorrhage.., A nervous break down.., A kidney failure ...., i could feel every part of me aching seeing his name and what's more to it was knowing that he is just at a few steps' distance from me and must be waiting in front of the OT.., tossing and turning anxiously about the arrival of tiny piece of life in his life... In their life...!! Who would look like him and Diya.

"Dr. Sameera .., are you alright...?"

I could feel Lakshmi's touch on my shivering arm and she must have again guessed that I'm nt alright... I'm so easy to reveal my expressions...

Taking a deep breath..., i covered my face with the doctor's mask and headed towards the theatre fully aware of who I'm going to see after 6 long years.

"Dr, Is there any major complication...??
Why did u people made me sign the risk approval form...!!?? Please say something...!!"

Closing my fist to not fall weak in front of this person.., about whom my entire emotional system survived.., i tried not to look at his face though my heart melted hearing the same honey dipped tone that made me realize how attentive my ears were to hear his tone...

Searching to where to focus my eyes..., i found my gaze locked at the same ' ॐ ' locket which seemed equally adorable even after years...

Head Nurse Lakshmi.., some how managed the situation and assured him that it's all just a part of basic formality and nothing would go wrong..

Before he could speak again..., and make me feel drained again.., i muttered up the courage and reached the OT..., where Diya was lying in her half conscious state sobbing silently as the the injection started to show it's effect.

I could feel my vision blurred and had not realized that i was crying...
Before the nurses around there could guess my state again.., i excused towards the connected changing room to wear the gloves..., and to pick up the instruments..

........................

"Why the hell am i crying...??!!
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It's point less... And what do i want right now...!!??"
I closed my eyes only to hear what my heart always wanted to confess..

"You don't belong in the story anymore...!!
It's time to make yours dear..."
I could hear an intrigued tone within me trying to console me...
I guess it was the tone of my injured heart, which i ignored all these years...

The next few seconds I remained calm to settle down my heart beat and heard what it has to make me know...

"Nurse.., get me the forceps and and the dump tray...!!"

Hearing my tone filled with urgency.., everyone inside the OT straightened up and I was keen on what i want...!!

Though it's a complex procedure..., Diya was equally adamant to not give up and i managed to keep her breaths on check not letting her get demotivated...
My 3 years experience didn't betray me at the most required time...
Exactly an an hour and 45 minutes later.., the soul soothing cry of a baby filled the room leaving me in utmost satisfaction.
Not because it's Siddharth's baby... but because of the fact that among many best doctors.., i was chosen to help his kid welcome the world...

I was chosen to promote them as parents.., in technical terms.

"Congratulations... it's a Girl....!!"

I slid out of the mask and smiled at Diya to show her the life which was the result of her hour long struggle yet it shouldn't be called as struggle...

It's that struggle every woman willingly experiences and will always remain as the best moment in her life...

That period in which she becomes complete as a woman..... Women indeed are the best creation of God..., who bleed every month and still survive...
Who get to taste the sip of death during labour pain and yet people underestimate the strength of women...

It's the emotional chains that bind her and will never let to recognize the the power she has within.

At that moment.., i could see two women who has realized the strength they possess in themselves...

Diya being the first one..., to be brave enough to overlook the complications and guide the tiny life in her to this world...
And the other.., the determined Sameera Dixit.., within me.., who wants to break off these emotional barriers once and for all.

I insisted the Nurse to stay back and headed towards the exit of the OT carrying the baby in my arms who was wiped clean leaving no traces of blood and placenta remains on her...

As i came out..., i fixed my eyes on that one person with whom i have had many dreams..., sleepless nights in his thoughts.., and at one point took the depression pills too..

But..., for some blissful reason..., i was proud on myself and it showed on my face in the form of smile...

"Congrats Siddharth.... It's a baby Girl..."

In the very next second..., he approached me and his focus was only on my arms admiring the 'happiness' which came wrapped in a white cloth... His baby...!!!
....................

He has changed in these 6 years by looks..
His twin dimples were still the best things and
his eyes seemed tired...

But his smile was still the same... The rarest thing i had ever seen...

Taking the baby in his arms.., his eyes became moist and he held her as if it was a miracle...

If heaven was described in moments..., then it's the heaven I was seeing in front of me..., standing in person with twin dimples...

I was happy.... No dictionary would have an appropriate word to describe the heaven I'm in.

"Thanku so much doctor...!!
How is my wife..??!"
.......his eyes has masked with little fear in them asking abt Diya..

"She is fine Siddharth...!! She is being shifted to the special ward in couple of minutes...!!"

.........i looked at the baby and then to him..
I think by then.., it's obvious for him to recognize me.., and i was right this time..
I was right for something about Siddharth for the first time..

"Heyy...!! Sameera..
Oh my God...!! You are the Doctor here...!!
I mean... umm.. woww...!!"

His brown eyes captured my gaze and i smiled... but with a proud self esteem...!!

"Thanku so much...!!! I have been told that only one could be saved between Diya and the baby... And then i heard about 'Sawera Ben'...

I could feel the excitement in his tone as he lowered his eyes for once to look at his baby and then raised his head to hold my stare again...., and looked at me in a way.., I had always dreamt about...

He was fascinated by the woman i have became...,
Fascinated by the doctor in me...!!

Fascinated to see me again in such a way...!

That's it...!!! I would not ask for anything..
I was longing to see him only because i needed to end it in right terms...
I had to make peace with the memories...

It's not the fact that he chose Diya over me that bothered me...!!
It's the fact that i couldn't say the proper goodbye to the emotions within me...!!

.....................

"Siddharth... I think it's time for you to check on ur wife...!! She must be waiting...!!"

Leaning over I kissed the baby and he soon left towards the ward smiling at me for one last time..

This is where my story ends... There can't be any better farewell than this.., which I had always wished for...

Love is a powerful emotion...!! And people who curse love for everything bad that had happened in their lives are the ones who couldn't understand the purity it holds..
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We are the one..., who mess with this powerful emotion..., with expectations beyond limits.., desires beyond one's will and at last blame it as culprit..
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Stepping towards the cabin..., celebrating the peace i had finally achieved with the past memories..., i rang mom and said that I'm ready to whatever she tells me to do...

Infact i'm ready to hope again... To experience the train of emotions again...
I could feel the happiness in her tone when i finally took the courage to move on in my life..

I checked the special ward for last time before leaving the hospital and was visibly happy seeing Siddharth and Diya laughing and engrossed in their baby...

As I stepped out of the hospital..., i felt the slow drizzle of rain on my skin and i stood there feeling every drop on my skin....

Sometimes.., the weather outside is the reflection of our inner voice...
It was equally justifying my state of mind...

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"Yes...!! I had moved on...!!"
I smiled and repeated the lines one more time feeling the autumn inside me changing to the fresh spring season...