Storms In Clear Skies

Thunder clapped, and lightning struck down as she cowered in her room. Seeking comfort inside her blanket that had seen and been soaked in all her tears. She snuggled into herself, forming a tiny ball. Sunlight poured into her room – it was a hot afternoon in the middle of May, of course; but all she could feel were the darkness and cold.

She shut her eyes and hummed to herself – trying desperately to tune out the voices she could hear coming from downstairs. Shouting, screaming… The thunder. They had gotten into an argument again, over something very silly again.

“If I could just have my way, I wouldn’t stay in this house for another second,” she heard her mother say.

“Nobody has locked you in a cage here, if you want to, just go” came the reply, so loud that the windows echoed the shivers that ran up through her spine.

She covered her ears and hummed louder. She could still hear muffled screams, slamming doors. Tears flooded her eyes, and she didn’t know why. A hundred thoughts took over her. She was hungry but too scared to go downstairs. She tried to think of happy things, but nothing was enough. She wasn’t enough. She would never be. Was it her fault? Would it all be better if she was just… gone? Would they even notice? If they did, would they realise the shadow they had permanently enclosed their house with? And if they did, would life for her brother be better?

A sudden sharp pain broke her free from the chains of her thoughts. She sat up, searching for its source. She looked down at her hands. Oh… She had been digging her nails into her thumb…again. They had formed deep bruises.

She heard her name briefly come up as the storm still raged downstairs. Did she cause the fight? Would it all really be better if she were gone? But, how? She could always run away… She could find a small job, she was a good kid, and 14. Legally she could work. Or... She did know where all pills were kept. If she had enough… She would solve all their problems permanently, and she wouldn’t have to go through anymore pain. It’s not like they cared anyways right…? They didn’t ask her why she couldn’t stop crying when she came back from school the other day. She couldn’t remember the last time they asked her how school was, or how she was. All she could remember was all the hurt, and all the fights.

She fell back down onto the bed. Tears streaking down her face. She was too scared to do anything. So, she stayed. Tuning down all the voices outside, but letting the ones inside grow stronger. There wasn’t an actual issue was there? She was just being ungrateful. She was just being a thorn. It didn’t even matter, did it? Because in the grand scheme of the universe… they were all no one.