She Wasn't There

     I stood on the cliff till midnight. I knew there was no way in Hell she’d come there, but she had promised. Promised that she would meet me there, under the full Moon. And here I was, another boy who got used up due to his greed, due to his immaturity, due to his… idiotism.

     When college started two years ago, I had no friends. I still remember. Day twelve of college. I was late, for I had taken my privileges of living too close to it, too lightly. I did not notice the dogs running behind me. It was only after they barked that I turned behind. There must have been like, three or four of them. All standing a metre away and barking their lungs out. I was going to hurl my bag for an intimidating look, but that’s when a sandal was thrown from behind me. It missed my head by inches. The dogs scattered, and the most beautiful girl of my life came into my field of vision. If only I had known that she was a snake under a flower…

     Right now, the Moon was pretty much over my head. The stars were scattered across a pitch-black firmament. It was so large, it felt… horrifyingly close. I sensed that the black sky was falling, getting ever closer. I looked down. The loner’s mind does indeed create realistic scenarios to distract him from reality. I looked up slowly. There was a star shining close to the Moon. My father used to discuss with me the immense magnitude of the stars, but I… Ever since I had got my eyes on her, she had become the light of my life… or so it seemed.

     The day she rescued me, she smiled and just continued walking to college. I was right behind her. “Thank you,” I said. “Oh, no problem,” she said. ‘God,’ I thought, ‘even her voice is so lovely.’ We went into class together, and that had turned a lot of heads. Some people wolf-whistled, people I didn’t even know. The professor looked at us and then addressed the class, “Students, let them be an example; as long as you are in college, study first and fun later.” The class erupted into laughter. We uneasily made our way through the benches. I seated myself away from her… far away from her.

     During recess, I went over to her and apologised, for it was me because of whom she was humiliated. “Are you insane? It wasn’t your fault that I wanted to save you!” “Yeah,” I replied. “Thanks for… uh, saving my life.” She raised her eyebrows. “Save your life? From a couple of dogs?” “Oh, yeah! Sorry I… I forgot. Forgot the, the, the dogs. Oh shit! I’m sorry I had already thanked you once.” She smiled broadly. By now, my heart was working overtime. I raised my hand and said, “I’m Rishan.” “Elektra,” she said, clasping it firmly. “Oh, that’s such a cool name!” The world’s sweetest laughter followed.

     Over the days, I found out that she was Greek and a music enthusiast just like me. “Oh wow! I am learning the keyboard,” I had once said. She had then replied, “That’s great! I’m learning guitar.” “Wow that’s awesome!” I cannot play guitar. I had also said, “We could team up someday, you and I.” She had smiled. “What do you mean?” I said, “You could play the guitar, I could play the keyboard.” She laughed sweetly once again. I should have known that she would only play one instrument in my life – my heart.

     Right now, it was one in the morning. There were few lights on in the buildings. I looked down. If I jumped now, I wouldn’t be recognisable in the morning. I needed to land in the lake below, but not too deep. And certainly not headfirst. That’s when I heard laughter behind me. I turned back. A young couple (most probably unmarried) was walking super-slowly. While walking, they started kissing. The sight and the sounds disgusted me to the point that I was about to hurl a pebble at them, but then luckily (for them, not me) they went away. “Can’t these bastards afford a house?” I muttered angrily.

     When we had known each other for over a year, we had known deep about each other. I would occasionally take her out for a movie or dinner with the friends. I had completely lied to my parents that we were having study sessions in our friends’ houses. I had lied to my parents, said ‘no’ to their invitations for dinner once in months. Came home late at night and argued to justify myself, all this just to spend a few hours with her. But she… she was gladly living all by herself, living on my money more than her own hard work.

     All this lasted for the entire next year. But by the end of that period, as my money and resources started becoming inferior to her increasing demands, she avoided me as much as possible. I tried my best to keep her happy, satisfied, but the coldness in her gaze was unmistakable. Soulless. The one who avoided social contact just to be with me… was now avoiding me to be with anyone else. There was a bitter tone in her voice now, that started sticking out to me now. And slowly, steadily… her love for me started fading. Just like that.

     One afternoon she came up to me while I was in the market and said, “Rishan, we need to talk. But not here… come with me.” She led me to a path I did not even know existed. But my instincts told me to trust her. Within five minutes, we were standing on a cliff in the National Park. “Elektra, what is this about?” She looked me in the eyes and said, “I… I am going away, Rishan… forever. My life is much more complicated than is seen by the ones outside, including… including you.” I couldn’t think of what to say. “Elektra, what are you talking about? Why have you…” “Rishan please, now I have no time to explain. I will tell you everything tonight. Tonight, meet me right here at this exact spot. I will tell you everything under the Full Moon, I promise.”

     I had done like she had said. Lied again to my parents and left the house at seven p.m. I waited and waited and waited, but she never came. She had lied to me. Not just today, but for the past two years. Her love was fake; it was an outwardly show. Something she had been doing for the past two years.

     I stood on the cliff till midnight. I knew there was no way in Hell she’d come there, but she had promised. Promised that she would meet me there, under the full Moon. And here I was, another boy who got used up due to his greed, due to his immaturity, due to his… idiotism. None of the feelings she had shown me were true. She had used me. She had promised to be there, but now she was forever gone from my life. She wasn’t there.