September is National Suicide

September is National Suicide Prevention month 

This month is National Suicide Prevention month and especially after this pandemic and the state of the world today, so many people are facing so many difficulties that sometimes it seems that your only way out is suicide. If you follow me you know that I am brutally honest and I tell you everything because I want you to know that I've been there, and I know what you are going through. I know about this subject as I have been there, not once but twice in my life. Times where I want it to end it all and thought I should end it all.

The 1st time was when I was 16 and I was dealing with my mother's breast cancer, my father's sudden death, my rape, and eventually my abortion that I had to have as a virgin, all in the span of 6 months. I didn't have the skills to deal with everything that I was going through and so I thought the best thing was to check out. I ended up overdosing and they pumped my stomach and let me go on my way with no therapy or anything. That was how they did it back in the dinosaur days but like Maya Angelou says "When you know better, you do better" They definitely didn't know better back then.

My 2nd attempt was after I lost my mother and I was in this horrible verbally abusive marriage that I wanted out of but could not see a way out. I was lost and alone and even though my girls wanted me to leave, when I decided to take that jump, everybody alienated me. They made me feel like I wasn't wanted or needed, it was too overwhelming for me and I just wanted to be in a place of peace away from all the pain I was in.

But God always has other plans for us if we just listen. At that moment he brought someone to talk me off the ledge and change my life forever. God opened that door and gave me the church that I love, the very next day. This changed my life forever.

After this I decided that I, again needed to go back to therapy, and doing that made me realize that suicide is not a way out, learning how to deal with what comes at us, is. You may think it is a way out at the time, the only way from the pain and it may feel like it is too overwhelming, that it is too much.

But I have to tell you to keep going because you have no idea that if you do this, you will leave a lifetime of scars for the people you love. You leave this for them to deal with this every single day. They will wake up thinking about what they could have done, thinking if they only could have done something. They will replay it in their heads, if they only would have known, all of these horrible things that they will have to deal with, that you are leaving them with.

The questions, the looks, making them feel like a failure for not knowing. This is your legacy that you will leave them with every single day. Yes, your pain is gone but what about theirs? Their pain will go on for the rest of their lives. Why would you do that to people that you say you love?

Look, I get it, I've been through a lot of shit in my life and sometimes I didn't think it was ever going to get better but just like the storms that come in life, eventually the sun comes out again. Eventually, things will be alright, eventually, things will get better, eventually, your thoughts will change and something will make you happy again.

But if you take your life you'll never have that chance, you'll never be able to see that sun again or to feel that happiness you once knew. 

I know at this very moment you can't see this, you feel like you'll never know happiness again. I am here to tell you that life is always a cycle, there's always ebb and flow in life. It's good, then it's bad, it's amazing, then it sucks. Life is so many things and not all of it is going to a bed of roses but you can not let it get to you, you cannot give up. You need to get through it even if you do it as we do in AA, one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to, one minute at a time, whatever it takes to get you through that feeling.

I never could have imagined what I have now, the happiness, and the peace I have in my life. I know that it will not always be this way and yes, even in the good times, I have had some incredible losses. I've had more pain and heartache since things got better but I can deal with it because I have faith through the storms and so do you.

So today my friends, I will leave you with my mother's favorite quote "This too shall pass"

When things are going great and life is good, remember...this too shall pass. And when the storms of life come at you hard and strong, remember...this too shall pass, the sun will come out again if you just hold on.

If this is you I beg you to seek help, from a pastor, or a counselor or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline [phone]

They will give you all the resources you need to make a change.

But please get help, there are too many people who love you, who need you, and who will be devastated if you do this. I promise you it will get better, I promise you... this too shall pass…