When Others Speak Down To You

When others speak down to you

These last few months, I have been speaking about healing yourself. I have talked about triggers and past wounds that even years later may come up in your life. Today, I want to talk about something I learned in therapy this time around. This was a lesson I thought I knew, but obviously I didn't. 

Why do people talk down to you? Many people who come from abusive relationships get triggered when this happens. They automatically assume it's them. They can't do anything right, or they are stupid. All these things we thought we dealt with come back, and that voice replays in our heads. 

But I've learned this is NOT your issue, this is their issue. Maybe this is a cycle for them. Maybe their parents spoke to them like this. Maybe they are narcissists, and they think they are better than everyone else. Whatever the reason, it's not your issue. This is not about you. 

Look at history. It definitely will repeat itself. If you don't get help or admit that you have a problem. Trust me, you better believe that they have done this to everyone in their lives. In their relationships with others, with family, co-workers, and even their own children. This has been going on for years. This is not about you, clearly.

They may correct how you speak. They may act like you are stupid or say demeaning things, but it's because they need to feel powerful. They need to feel smarter than you or better than you, so they make you feel small in order to make themselves feel large.

If you start to look at it this way, you are on the path to healing yourself. You will realize this is who they are, and they will not change. Their insecurities need not affect you. They are not just treating you this way. They treat everyone this way. Just give them time and trust and believe it will come out.

Now you have two choices, either you can walk away or you can learn the coping skills to deal with how this affects you. I learned the coping skills, how not to get into my own head, to not take it personally, that this is about them not me but then I decided that being in this situation each and every day was not good for me. I am glad I went back to therapy to learn these skills because I know there will be others that will come into my life that are this way, and now I will know how to deal with them. But to put myself in the middle of this every day. No, I choose not to. Sorry, get your kicks on someone else. 

So today my friends come and learn with me. Yes, you can shut them out of your life, but your issues will still be there. We need to learn and to really know that this is about them, not us.

Realize your value, know that under their facade, they are lying to and about themselves to feel better.

You are not the jackass whisperer. They are not your monkeys, and this is definitely not your circus. 

Learn to heal your wounds so no one can ever again make you feel this way. This is the answer because they walk among us, and they will never be the change.