My Inspiring Story of Transformation

Autobiographical Story by Ms. Heera Nawaz      INTRODUCTION:

Sometimes in life there occurs a sea-change, a paradigm shift, a complete transformation from the way one has lived one’s life all these years. This change could be due to negative influences such as sickness, tragedy, sudden death of a family member, an unexpected accident throwing everything out of gear or some great loss of fortune. While these negative occurrences changes life exponentially for those in its ambit, to be perfectly fair and balanced there can by fate or destiny also be very positive components of change such as an unexpected win in a lottery, a blessing in disguise which may look negative but turns out to be positive if viewed optimistically, or even miracles that spew forth. The only common thread that is there in negative and positive change is that they may be unexpected happenings. One’s entire life is thrown out of focus, as there is change in every nuance of one’s life. As the saying goes, “Change is the only constant”. 

How does one cope? What does this imply? Are all changes looked at in a foreboding, negative way that invokes fear of the unknown and hence anxiety and apprehension? This article intends to look at a turning point in life, where due to life’s complexities, the pendulum can swing either way. I would like to expound a very personal story, which is actually a turning point in my life, and though on the surface it seemed negative, scary and downright diabolic where I have cried out to God and questioned Him in the most disparaging, desperate way.

 

However, though it appeared a negative tragedy in my life, I was, through the beautiful power of prayer and a never-say-conviction able to turn the tables and transform it into a positive experience, emerging from the ashes of what threatened to overwhelm me materializing an ethereal dream, and rising like a beautiful resolute Phoenix. This is the story of a turning point in my life where I battled a health issue and are am now in a better place, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

CHANGES CAN BE MADE POSITIVE

First of all, to start this essay, let me clear the air a bit. A change from the usual routine, of the run-of-the-mill is always looked at askant and very suspiciously. A human being’s mind is wired in such a way that it is used and accustomed to life in a particular slant, getting up daily at a certain time, performing the routine ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) in a perfunctory timely fashion in order to get the events of the day going. If one’s day is in any way changed from what one does every day in a routine similar fashion, it makes one ponder over possible misconstrued events that could surface.

 

One always fears and is filled with foreboding at the thought of leaving one’s comfort zone to step into the unknown future or a changed lifestyle. One always tends to fear the worst and what could go wrong. One builds tragic visions of what could happen and unforeseen mishaps that could debilitate one. For that person, the world seems ready to come to an end. It would be prudent for one to make a slight alteration or change in this mindset and visualize and indeed dream of all the things that can go on so beautifully aligned and organized. Why does one think that change always implies negative repercussions? Is it because a fear of the unknown?

 

Let me first elucidate on an aspect that I think is important, indeed imperative to understand and discern. Not all change or turning points are to be viewed warily or with disproportionate fear and suspicion. One should re-wire one’s brain to envisage that change is just a shift in perception and depending on one’s perspective, it can be shifted and transformed into something idyllic and positively sanguine. The following poem by Khalil Gibran, the famous Lebanese poet, will help one in showing how a turning point can be viewed as a new channel in one’s life for one to reach the positive outcome of the Supreme Consciousness:

“It is said that before entering the sea

a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,

from the peaks of the mountains,

the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,

she sees an ocean so vast,

that to enter

there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.

The river cannot go back.

Nobody can go back.

To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk

of entering the ocean

because only then will fear disappear,

because that’s where the river will know

it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,

but of becoming the ocean.

HOW DID MY STORY PAN OUT?

Let me explain from being a river trembling to join the ocean, how eventually I did, much to my bliss and present satisfaction. Yes, this is now my personal space in how the turning point in my life changed me initially with much fear and dread but eventually turned out in my favour for it made me a reformed, transformed person, who can hopefully be inspiring for persons of my age and even those younger. It is said that in one’s life if change is required and one doesn’t feel up to it by stubbornly ignoring the signs and procrastinating and refusing to adjust to possible signs of change, then God Almighty brings about drastic measures that almost force one to change. As the events in one’s life pan out, one will come to the realization and it will dawn on one that the change was actually meant for positive results in one’s life. In my case, it helped to change me from a person with a warped and unchallenged lifestyle into one leading a life of meaning and purpose. It reformed me tangibly so that I could make greater use and value of my life and thus realize the higher purpose of meaning that God has called me for. 

The turning point in my life was done through a negative almost tragic health odyssey which on hindsight I now recall as something very beneficial for it shook me out of my comfort zone and made me a woman of substance, globally known and willing to help anyone in my path. Since I had been through a life-and-death scenario I was now able to value life so much more intrinsically and in totality making me satisfied as an agent of what change can do.

But let’s start at the bepginning. It’s a very good place to start. It was that fateful day not too long ago, about a year ago during the pandemic lockdown when much of my hometown city Bengaluru was shut down to the world. I was a happy-go-lucky Senior Citizen, unmarried but comfortable and content in my single status. And then came the startling revelation. I discerned that my eye sight in my right eye was deteriorating. If I closed my left eye and viewed the computer screen only with my right eye, the vision was blurred and out of focus. Brushing aside the inconvenience, I, from that time onwards, made do with my left eye only by squinting and keeping my right eye closed. This went on for a few months without my simplistic mind realizing the damage being done when I later discerned that if I had taken immediate appropriate and timely action, I could have salvaged the situation. Instead, it was self-sabotage. For when I did summon the guts and gumption to inform my family (consisting of my siblings), it was too late. I had lived in denial to my own detriment and had completely lost vision in my right eye.

Most of the eye hospitals were closed. My sister and my brother-n-law, both of whom stayed separately from me insisted on taking me for a check-up at an ophthalmologist and optician. The doctor was not pleased at my complacence and negligence. After a battery of tests, he inferred that there was no damage in the eye per se, but it was incumbent on me to see a neurologist to acknowledge what the problem was due to in order to possibly salvage the situation.

A visit to a neurologist at a nearby hospital gave a prognosis which chilled me to the bone. The Neurologist, a renown one, nodded his head in disbelief at what could be grim. But the medical world does not live on assumptions or possibilities, for everything tests and scans have to be done before arriving at a diagnosis. After a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) Scan, it was revealed that due to the growth of a tumour or legion in my brain, my optic nerve to the right eye had been blocked and my sight in my right was probably gone forever. Worse still, he warned that a brain surgery was imminent lest the left eye too met the same fate! This scared the hell out of me.

BRAIN SURGERY REQUIRED 

Anyhow to make a long story short, after countless tests and scans later, the doctors said it would be considered prudent to consider surgery to excise the tumour, and fast action could perhaps also save the left eye! I remember going home that day and crying my heart out. Surely I had not lived all these years to lose my eyesight completely when it is a most important sense organ, which is indispensable for normal living. Then I read a quote on social media by my friend, Dr. Latika Shah Singh, which really made me introspective, “Life has knocked me down a few times. It has shown me things I never wanted to see. I have experienced sadness and failures. But one thing for sure, I always get up.”

I got up, straightened my dress and said to myself, ‘I am not going to allow possible eye loss to rule my life and emotions and prophesize the turn of events in my life. I am going to get up and fight this, with courage and determination. I am going to fight this battle with my full heart and soul and make something out of my life. I am going to make this the turning point of my life something which would not debilitate me and make me visually challenged and dependent, but a stronger personality by changing my attitude to the whole problem.”

“WAS I JINXED?”

I decided to be brave. This is though I knew the odds were against me. I was 60 years old last year, with low immunity and a chequered food intake. I said many prayers knowing that this surgery was crucial and a life changer. I was advised to write a legal will and make arrangements in case I don’t make it. The next day, I got ready for the surgery at a nearby hospital. During this whole ordeal my faith in God was unwavered and this along with my family’s practical knowledge and common sense helped me tremendously to tide over the crisis.

However, it seemed to be that I was jinxed and that bad luck dogged me relentlessly. Yes, for the next shock that was in store for me was when I was getting ready for the surgery at the Emergency Ward. The junior doctors were taking the vital signs when they gave rather startling news: That my oxygen saturation level was not high enough for a brain surgery! This was definitely “the unkindest cut of all”.

For the record the hospital did not just discharge me, but transferred me to a private ward where they put me on oxygen, at times with a nebulizer and gave me ways of improving my oxygen saturation levels, via diet and medication along with simple respiratory exercises to do.

DICHARGED BUT NEW TROUBLE!

 When I was finally discharged from the rather unsuccessful stint at the hospital, my sister said it would be prudent to consider staying with her and her family since staying alone and being my own boss had not really worked in my favour. She said that instead of my eating the unhealthy fast food, like pizzas, burgers and biryanis which I was accustomed to, she would give me wholesome home cooked food, low in fat content and calories, but full of fruits and vegetables which are rich in vitamins and minerals. Also, she would see that I follow an exercise regimen of exercises and fast walking on the huge terrace to augment my oxygen saturation levels.

However, on one of the outpatient visits, one doctor advised me to do a PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan which unearthed and revealed the shocking evidence that the obstructions in my body (including probably the legion, too) were due to previous careless overeating, and had resulted in the slow build up of the diagnosis given that I had T.B. (Tuberculosis) a deadly ailment, measured by any yardstick. There was a whole slew of medications, which include R-Cinex and Ethambutol, prescribed to me which were to be taken for at least one year.

ANOTHER TURNING POINT!

Coming back to my possible brain surgery, I could go back for an operation or take a second opinion. Here I recall Robert Frost’s poem, for which I will quote the last three lines.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference”

Yes, that was the crux of the turning point for if I had improved my oxygen saturation level and gone on with the brain surgery, I really don’t really know how my life would have panned out. My sister brainstormed with her doctor friends who are all senior specialists and widely experienced experts. They concurred that of the two choices, taking a second opinion at a multi-specialty professional hospital would be the better option. In retrospection, that decision was a life-changing one! Maybe I am alive because of it. Thank you, Dr. Anupama Shetty, for carefully sieving all the information and data and weighing the pros and cons through the lens of a genuine well-wisher and coming up with a decision which saved my life. It was decided I take a second opinion.

At the next hospital, a number of doctor specialists of different specialties went through the data in the tests, scans, and medical reports and one of them suggested that surgery could be averted. It relieved me of a weight off of me, as a brain surgery can usually be viewed extremely cautiously for it involves the opening up of an extremely complex, intricate structure brain  where no guarantees for the success of the operation are given. However, though there was no surgery to worry about,          I still had the T.B. to think about and battle with.

ROLE OF DOCTORS AND FAMILY MEMBERS

These two months of December 2020 and January 2021 which are actually a time of festivities and celebrations were the two months of my going in and out of hospitals, diagnostic centres, and getting questioned by doctors, over and over again. It reminded me of how fragile human life really is. I was grateful to my amazing family and friends who all rallied around and prayed for me and made me believe in the magic of positive thinking and positive affirmations and the need to be optimistic and to never give up on life. On more than one occasion it was a question of life-and-death when my oxygen level suddenly plummeted and I had to be propped up with oxygen cylinders and 24-hour observation. I guess it is at those times that my faith and belief in God and the doctors was put to the supreme test.

My life now is a living miracle, a life of hope emerging from an almost hopeless situation. This really made me philosophic that I was not destined to die because perhaps God surmised that there is much in my life that requires completion and that there are so many dreams waiting to fructify. Surely from the jaws of death, I was kept alive for a reason, a strong purpose and on hindsight, I think that all the testing was to finally test my resilience. I am made of sterner stuff, nerves of steel and have a formidable determination to never quit nor give up.

Therefore, I took all the treatments obediently and with a congenial positive attitude. Indeed, doing my days in the hospital, I was wheelchair-bound and needed some kind of support for normal walking. Because I have sight in only one eye now, I find it difficult to gauge three dimensions and find it difficult to navigate the ups and downs of outdoor roads and cross roads. With the help of my sister and her sister—in-law I started walking taking slow, steady steps and doing Healthify Me exercises to strengthen my core muscle groups in the legs and rest of my body. Now, six months after my ordeal, I can walk outside on my own, without assistance, a wheelchair or a walking stick! Tears form in my eyes at the countless kind people who have helped me every time I had earlier tried to walk on my own.

Indeed, I am living proof that attitude can make you or break you. I did once have a bad attitude until my gratitude to doctors made me realize, “A bad attitude is like a punctured tire. You can’t go anywhere unless you change it,” The doctors and nurses who attended my case renewed and refurbished my faith in humanity. For as Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what doctors did, they will forget what doctors said, but they will never forget how doctors made you feel”. The doctors filled me with resilience of the human spirit and that nothing can really break a person who had irresolutely decided to live their life come what may.

Besides doctors, in my life’s turning point, family support has also been very beneficial. It shines brightly when there is no one for you. I learnt a lot and found a friend in my sister, someone who previously I was not that close to. We think differently and we still do, but doing the time when I needed someone, she was there for me and she was my rock and gave me unconditional help, support, courage and hope. She was my GO-TO person, the only person who would have helped me and also, she was the only person who could have helped me. When I used to look up vacantly at the ceiling of the hospital while lying on my inpatient bed, I knew she had been my angel in disguise. When I cried tears, I knew it was my sister who was wiping my tears with the angelic fingers of her soul.

Apart from emotional succour, my sister also helped in the mundane but crucial necessities like making payments in time, understanding and documenting of health reports and records in all their medical jargon. She was also very meticulous in giving me my TB medicines in time and should there be even one short, she would go to the medical shop to buy it, no matter what time of the day or night. She also helped me minimize the expenses by helping me with my Health Insurance.

Not only doctors and family, many of my friends and social media connections did call and even organized prayer sessions to pray for me. They sent prayer requests on social media handles proving the following quotation, “True friends and family are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know that they are always there for you, guiding you in your health concerns, being helped and blessed by God’s beautiful hand.”

INSPIRING COMPONENTS

Coming to the crux of this article, how did this turning in my life transform me and change me completely? A turning point teaches one to adjust to change and alter one’s perspective. If there had been no turning point and change in perspective, I would never have changed my perception. Previously I had listened to a thousand pep talks on health and attitude, but it took me almost losing my life to teach me to eat healthy and exercise vociferously. If it hadn’t been for this turning point, I would have been the same old lethargic, laid back person who had in the absence of challenges remained content in my comfort zone and complacent in “letting myself go” to my detriment. 

Let me list the take-aways. First, I became very grateful and spiritual and learnt to value life and time, each second, minute and hour of the day. I no longer waste time in daydreaming and woolgathering nor do I indulge in procrastination. If there is some task to be done, I try to do it as soon as the germ of the idea hits my brain. I learnt that one can’t change everything. I follow the Alcoholics Anonymous motto, “God grant me the ability to change the things I can, accept the things that I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference”. I also realized that there are some things I can’t change because they are not in my control. I would then transfer my energies and attention to activities which ARE in my control and change those, if possible.

To facilitate the above take-away, I start the day with a deep heartfelt personal prayer where I never fail to show gratitude to God and my family. Then at the start of the day, I key my to-do list in my smart phone. I have stopped giving excuses. I have stopped taking short-cuts to solve problems and issues. I give people I know who do work for me second chances. I give them plenty of them. Yes, I know about second chances because God gave me a second chance at life. Now I make my daily goals work during the day. It is said that, “Only if you start your day with determination in personal prayer can you end the day with well-deserved satisfaction.”

FOCUSING ON WEIGHT LOSS

Secondly, the next take-away is I decided to beat obesity and focus on losing at least 10 kg of weight, as the doctors had said. I needed to change my perception on food intake and doing workouts to regulate my weight. If it had not been for this turning point, I would have remained obese and retained my overweight baby elephant image and would have even justified it! But now, praise God, I am a fitness freak and an ardent advocate of weight loss.

Every morning, I wake up and articulate my morning prayer and positive affirmations and then do my workout for the day which is aided by the Healthify Me App which I downloaded on my smart phone. Along with these scientifically conceived exercises, I also follow their diet restrictions and these two major changes have made me lose 12 kg. of weight in four months, which I have kept off. My fast walking routine every morning for half an hour makes me holistically healthy, fit and agile and starts my day with my heart pumping joyfully as `feel good endorphins’ are circulated freely in my body.

I have become a health food freak and an advocate for healthy food and avoid snacks. I cook with less usage of oil in cooking, and my food consists of low-fat low-caloried food intake like salads and tofus, and the Swiggy and Zomato delivery boys promising huge discounts on killer cuisine are banished from entry into my apartment!

MY ATTITUDINAL SEA-CHANGE

Thirdly, the next take-away is my complete turnaround in attitude. I am no longer a self-centred, pity-seeking narrow-minded complainer who seeks validation from all and sundry. I don’t feed sadistic happiness and pleasure when others are shouted down and instead I feel empathy for others’ pain without being judgmental. I have become a completely different and ameliorated person who seeks God’s benign benediction and blessings for the right reasons of trying my best to make the world that bit better.

As for my genre of writing, I now avoid writing sensational, controversial “yellow journalism”, but now write articles that catalyze people to become much more human and humane. I love to pull up people through my motivational writings and poetry and give them hope for a more optimistic tomorrow. I love helping people and do it all the time, even if it eats into my time and my wallet constraints.

I have become a philanthropist and give my savings, in cash and kind, to charities and missionaries. However, when given a choice between material benefits and time, I prefer giving time because it is one component that once given, one can’t get back and therefore is more giving of one’s self and more valuable than cash or kind. Being a teacher, I give free tuition to the watchman’s and maid’s offspring and proffer my free services of editing manuscripts and documents of my former students who are potential writers, poets, wannabe speakers and video makers.

SIGHT IS LOST BUT NOT VISION

Fourthly, a direct take-away or lesson from the turning point in my life due to my health odyssey was that I learnt the value of sight and respect and honour all challenged persons. First of all, I now appreciate the physical act of being able to see with my left eye. I don’t blame God for my losing my right eye, but thank God that my left eye is functional. In order to show this, I learnt the beauty of different shapes and colours. I now love keeping potted plants at home and am now used to buying beautiful flowers of different hues that is an offshoot of realizing the value of sight.

After losing sight in my right eye, I remember ordering Helen Keller’s biography from Amazon and crying uncontrollably on reading on her courage to overcome odds and her dependence on her teacher Mary Sullivan. I resolved to never forget saying my prayers to God every day for my left eye and for the doctors who saved me from going completely blind. I have learnt how to make use of one eye by working around the problem even though, due to my one-sided sight, I cannot easily gauge 3-dimensioned depth.

The loss of sight in my right eye allows me to empathize with people who are challenged in any way. I was in a wheelchair and had to learn walking from scratch. So now that I am OK, I always give my seat to handicapped or physically challenged persons when I am travelling in buses or trains. I have a soft corner for mentally challenged persons for all they are asking for is not material possessions but just a heartbreaking need to be understood and a feeling to be one’s friend.

Last but not least, another major take-away from the turning point of my life is that I never miss an opportunity to excel and show people how they too can overcome obstacles and come out of any seemingly endless pit. They can see sunlight at the end of the long dark tunnel if they persevere. Human beings are only as courageous as their last battle, their last storm.

But I guess what this is whole long narration boils down to is that in the turning point of my life of my health odyssey is that God has given me a vision and clarity on life’s deepest philosophies. It has made me a wiser and stronger individual. Now I am a Senior Citizen and am ever willing to serve God, with my prayers differing from my self-centred mechanically expressed prayers of before. I believe that the essence of religion entails the maxim, `Hands that help are better than lips that pray.” The facets of vision I ask of God include not telling any kind of falsehood or untruth, of standing up for a cause even if means standing alone, and of being there for my family which includes my siblings.

CONCLUSION:

What this long-winded elaborate essay hopes to say in a summary or gist is that this turning point in my life infused me with valuable and precious diamond-like take-aways of what life should inspire you with should it throw you a curve ball that may look like the end of the world. I learned the hard way that if life throws you lemons, gather them and make lemonade. It is up to you for you to show the world no, not me, no God, I am not going to succumb. Every day, you internalize the prayer, “Don’t tell God, I have a problem. Tell the problem, I have God,” Count your blessings and make your life something so beautiful and precious – something you may not have done earlier when caught up with the rigmarole of pedestrian everyday life living.

A man/woman without sight can somehow manage, but if one doesn’t have an enlightened blueprint of a God-given vision for life, he/she is poor indeed. Revisit your values, your goals and your dreams, You don’t have to go through a life-and-death scenario that I went through, but do resolve to make the most of your life. Use some, if not all, of the take-aways which I got, into your own life to make it a rich and colourful tapestry. Learn to display a meaningful and a beautiful modus operandi to thank God and thus leave an emotional legacy behind guaranteed to make you a much loved person. For, indeed in the final analysis, what is the use of the sight of the eyes when the mind is blind? Amen and God bless.