Malaria And Mosquito

           A question was asked, "Why don't women confide in their husbands about their problems and frustrations ?" Pat came the reply --- "You cannot discuss your malaria with the mosquito." As soon as this message was posted in my school's all-girls' group of Whatsapp, there was a volley of laughing and smiling emoticons. I too joined in, but later this set me thinking.

                  Our Indian culture considers marriage a venerable institution. Immense planning, preparation, and implementation are done and huge expenditure incurred before two souls are bound in wedlock. We consider weddings a lifetime commitment and maybe because of the purity and sanctity attached to them, our weddings are revered the world over. Moreover, of all the relationships that we make, that of a husband and wife is the longest in our country. Together they go through all the ups and downs of life complementing each other and creating a harmonious atmosphere. Therefore, in such a relationship why should there be an absence of transparency? What need is there for backbiting?

                  This set aside, gossiping about one's own husband, to a near relative or friend is a common phenomenon in our country. Reasons are varied --------

* Talking about the past, male chauvinism was predominant. It took the better of a woman, she was subdued, unable to open up to him, she often blurted out to others.

* By and large, a woman loves to discuss her problems, as if she is the only one on the planet, surrounded with difficulties and strangely her frustrations often centre around her husband.

* Some do it with an intention of drawing sympathy from others.

* A few do it on a comparative note, just to check whose husband is better.

* There are a certain number, who feel expressing about the good relationship may result in the evil eye of others. This goes on and on.............

                  However, one must agree that husbands rarely scuttlebutt about their wives. The relationship between a husband and wife must be built upon trust, transparency, and togetherness. Minds differ still more than faces, so when a difference of opinions crop up, they need to be sorted out, analysed and an amicable understanding arrived at. 

                   If we rewind a little into the past we learn that seven to eight decades ago, Indian weddings were largely early and arranged. The girl had to accommodate her husband and his family and she had absolutely no choice. A little later, women empowerment set in. They started stepping out of their homes, learnt to voice their concerns and found a stance for themselves. 

                   However, it is purely pathetic to say, that today this bond called wedding is gradually receiving a setback in certain cases. I am sorry to state, the present generation isn't taking matrimony seriously. It is a game.........a gamble for them. It is pitiful that pollution has crept into marital matters too. Even though youngsters these days are given complete freedom to make their own choices regarding their partners, they falter in many cases. What sounds absurd is that they decide to live together and it doesn't take long to break-up. Ridiculously, the reasons are often trivial and silly. This proves that their decisions are completely wrong. They have low compatibility and high expectations.

A moment of calm, in a moment of anger saves a hundred moments of regret, but little do they realise this. Lack of transparency, ego clashes, bickering for the final say, extramarital affairs, zero tolerance and other vices are taking an upper hand, in this sacred system of Indian marriages. Financial individuality and stability is being misused by a woman to prove her superiority. In the garb of modernisation, globalisation, awareness, feminism etc, break ups, divorces, depressions, suicides, murders and the like are on the rise. Counsellors/ counselling centres and divorce lawyers are making good business and minting money. 

                   My ardent and fervent request to all young boys and girls is, Unless and until you completely understand each other and agree that you will remain loyal good partners do not get into wedlock. A wedding is not running around a bush before and running around a lawyer later. Nor are they so westernised, where only two individuals are concerned and their families have nothing to do with. Our Indian weddings, still continue to bring two families together and do not stop at binding two bodies. For Heaven's sake, kindly do not put the families to shame and ridicule and make them answerable to society. For all that parents do for you, you have no right to rob them of their peace of mind and live in pieces yourselves. Nor can you create fear with your everyday quarrels in the young minds (your children). 

                   Getting upset, will never sort out issues, but getting up................to set things right will take us further in life. When two people come together, a minor misunderstanding a small argument is acceptable and excusable. Develop the habit of forgive and forget, and move on. A gentle word, a kind look, a sweet smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles. A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Remember, the best relationship is where yesterday's quarrel did not stop today's communication. 

                    We are so busy in our hectic schedules which we ourselves have planned that we rarely get a chance to talk. A little time spent with an elderly couple will take us into the fathoms of relationships, and we will learn how important it is to understand each other. "Few things cannot be explained or expressed, they should be taken care of automatically." This is the principle which the older generation followed. The past has lots to teach us, let's not lose that. I don't say that a woman needs to subjugate herself, that is absolutely obsolete. But never leave a true relation, for few faults. Nobody is perfect, nobody is correct. Moreover, affection is always greater than perfection.

                     Dear Ladies, it is of course, essential to discuss our malaria with our mosquito only, because if it is the mosquito that causes the problem, then it is the mosquito alone that will provide solutions too and avoid stinging. A successful marriage does not always have two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and wife who take turns being strong for each other when the other falls weak. We need to develop that complete confidence that, "If I can discuss anything, then it is with my spouse first, and then come the rest." The day we achieve this we have once again strengthened our institution called marriage. Let us not give the west an opportunity to point their finger towards us.