Maa & The Phone Calls I Never Made

I never thought like that. My answer is the same every time. 

It has been two months since the death of my mother. Time is running at its speed. One day my cousin called and we were discussing my mother's demise and the hollowness it created in our lives.

Bro, Amma used to feel lonely because you are not making enough calls. My cousin said this.

Was She felt like that? I murmured.

Yes. She even asked me to tell to you so that you will call her every day. She told you many times. I have also told you. 

But, I used to think there won't be any new things to talk about every day. That's why I used to give a call once a week. I said the same story which I prepared a long time ago and stuck to it.

Bro, you sound cruel. Once, for God's sake just put you in Amma's place.

You are the only child she had. Even though your father is with her, her motherhood yearned for the child's communication. Not only she, any mother feels the same.

You are her world. I know you were busy and working your ass off. But, you know.

Ok, leave it. Don't think much. my cousin tried to finish the conversation.

Tears flowing through my eyes.

I was cruel. But, I love her. I never thought like that. I made this weekly once phone call faltu theory to keep myself detached from family because of working in a distant location.

I punished her because of my low-performing career path, my inability to manage things. I cried extremely while confessing my feelings.

Bro, nowadays after office every day I am dialing Amma's number. I don't know-how. But I want to talk to her. A lot of things. About my savings, my travel and everything. I want to listen to the gossips she heard, the marriages she attended, a serial episode she watched. Please, God. I want to talk till the words completed in the language.

My cousin consoled me and we shared goodbye.

The next morning I got a call from my mother's number. My face got lit like a Purnima's moon and my hands shivered.

Hello Maa, I said with a longing in my voice.

My father talked and said he restored my mother's phone.

I hidden my sorrow and said papa, I will call you every day. 

It's okay. Don't worry. Take care. He said. 

I decided to call him every day. I know I am his world. And I do not want to feel regret later.