Is it too much to ask?

The silence was piercing his sleep. The continuous dripping from the taps, the murmurs of those timid nocturnal creatures were a constant source of distraction that kept him wide awake. His mind was at war with his thoughts that were revolving amidst his unexpressed volatile fantasies.

-Is she binding her feelings to someone who probably doesn't care about her?

-Does she even bother to know why I find it troublesome to fall asleep?

-Are the vapours of my dying love even sparsely visible to her naked senses?

-Can this continuum of all the specific possibilities, that has so long haunted my innate ability to confess my heart out, come to peace?

He was a pirate of his imaginary world seeking to win her heart. His attempts, which he thought were invisible to his friends, family and even the society he was part of, were like chunks of toys that even a newborn could trace to play with.

His shots at wooing her were nothing more than treating fire with salt.

The more he tried, the more he lost his sense of comfort.

"I know you love her!"-giggled Shantanu.

Shantanu was his colleague who was an elite in his friendship catalogue. He was his first friend whom he had bonded with after he left his hometown, Chittaranjan, to pursue his higher studies. Drunk conversations, bunking classes, unplanned trips to locations that were unexplored by him were all his daily errands in which Shantanu was his partner-in-crime.

"I desperately want her to know what I feel for her. Every time I try to distract myself from those visions where I find her divine presence by me, I lose track of time and also my sleep hygiene. To be honest, I don't know whether our relationship might be stable even if she happens to accept my relationship proposal. I mean since that Bipolar Disorder, I find it hard to cope up with my day to day routine."

"Has anyone ever told you that you unnecessarily ponder a lot?Just put yourself together and confess it to her upfront!"-sighed Shantanu while he struggled to hit a few notes on the guitar beside him.

"..."

Pen down those lyrics you had thought of!- yelled his heart.

"I wrote a song for her! Care to lend your ears to it?"

"Sure bro!"-Shantanu smiled and handed over the guitar to him.

            /

I was waiting for this time, for you to arrive;

To fill in those spaces, loveable moments;

That were created which we didn't expect;

Holding hands, we cried out loud;

Aiming at the sky, I made some vows;

To never leave again;

Is it too much to ask?

             /

"Four years have passed since Atul's death. That dumbass didn't even think of mentioning about his Thalassaemic condition to me. Even his family.."

"It's all my fault!"- Sneha yelled and broke down in tears, interrupting Shantanu.

"What do you mean?"

There was dead silence between the two. Her tears briefed Shantanu on what she had so desperately wanted to say. It was that same anxiety which forbade her years ago from opening up her heart to Atul when he had written her a two-page letter; the contents of which were his song and his love confession that he had penned down.

"Then what took you so long to comply if you too did had the feelings for him?"

"I was..."

"It doesn't matter now!"-frowned Shantanu and handed over a letter that he had found in Atul's room a day before.

             ~

Dated 30th of November, 2001

Love is an emotion that should be expressed if you are certain it's in its purest form. Though we may seldom confuse a state of attraction to be love, clouding our judgements with a short-lived rollercoaster ride, it's just lust covered in a coat of sugar. 

Is it too much to ask to receive that same love, irrespective of whether the other holds the same feelings for you?

No matter what Sneha, please know that my love for you wasn't a mirage that I ran after to quench my thirst for an emotional bond! Even if you deny my proposal after knowing what I feel for us, I would dare not muddle that friendship that exists between us.

I'm sorry if these insecure thoughts from my love-ladden mind hurt you!

I have loved you and will continue to do so for forever!

Sorry Again! :)