Invisible Pain

I live with him, I hear his voice,

I stand alive to-day

To witness to the certainty

Of immortality.

Emily Dickinson

Saranya could not forget his voice over the phone when he called her before that life-changing accident. Though she didn’t record their conversation, one of her close friends managed to get the recording from the mobile company. She kept on listening to the audio again and again till she felt tired. She will definitely not feel bored, but it made her feel more depressed. Before she went to sleep, she never failed to hear the conversation at least once.

Half-way through the sleep, she often wakes up with disturbing nightmares. She could inevitably feel the presence of his soul around her that made her dumb, searching for words to express her pain.

In the middle of the night, when the whole home slept and there was silence everywhere, she woke up. She could hear him calling her in whispers. The dark shadows moved along the window curtains and mimicked their time together in gentle gestures. Every move of the curtain brought in her fresh memories of their days spent together in hopes and dreams for a wonderful future.

“Saran” Whenever he called her, it set its imprint not only to her but also to the air that surrounded them and vibrated every minute particle in the air with love. Every human voice has a unique tone that is all its own. It carried its own signature and traits. No two voices are alike. Saranya felt his voice vibrating with tenderness that touched her with a warm caress. He loved talking to her over phone. Satish admired her voice and it sounded so musical when she spoke to him over the phone.

“You have a mesmerizing voice over the phone.” He told her for the hundredth time. Saranya spoke so softly and it was always difficult for the other person to decide what she spoke to them.

Whenever she went shopping, the person at the shop will never understand what she is asking for. Even if she repeated again and again, they will keep on asking her what she really wanted. But things were different with Satish. He understood whatever she spoke at the first instance and never asked her to repeat.

“Will you stop listening to that recording?” Her mother pleaded.

 “This is the only thing that gives me comfort.” She refused to stop listening.

 “I understand. But, that will make you feel more depressed. Please.”

 “Ok.” She kept her mobile aside and took a book for reading.

 “Don’t stay late. Try to get some sleep.” Her mother closed the door gently before she left the room.

Saranya felt sad for her mother. Her parents were in a confused state of mind and they could not accept what happened to her. They felt responsible for whatever that happened. Saranya requested her parents to wait for a while before finalizing the marriage proposals.

Somewhere at heart, she felt this alliance may not materialize and she did not want to get married so soon and leave her parents alone. Everyone in the family felt the proposal to be a good one and she must not refuse. Her maternal uncles advised her to continue her studies after marriage, and they will request the bridegroom’s parents to agree for that. After her sister’s sudden demise, both of her parents stayed aloof without talking to anyone. Not only to the family members but also to their relatives, friends and neighbors. Whenever she saw her father’s fragile figure, she felt broken and desperately wanted to set things right at home by making them happy and be normal again.

From morning to evening, she engaged herself with many activities, both at home and college. But, at night, she could not sleep immediately. Numerous questions sprang before her mind and her future looked bleak and dark. She yearned for his nearness and she kept on questioning why that should happen to her.