Insensitive

I still clearly remember and regret confessing to a girl. She gave me the most hurtful reply.

  I brought a smile to my face. It was the best smile I could make. I was ready then, I took a long breath and pushed the door. And there she was, breathtaking as ever, staring at the busy highway out of the window. She heard the door and quickly spun around. I smiled at her, she sighed and said, "Get out!!" 

"Sorry! What?" I was stunned.

"I SAID GET OUT!" she screamed and turned to the window again. I heard some whispers out the door. I instantly dropped the fake smile I was carrying and snapped at her, "Wow!! That's the most genuine gratitude I have ever seen in my 17-year life, damn it!!" 

She spun around again and now gave her kind cheerful smile. I was puzzled.

"Now you are acting normal! You don't realize how annoying it is to see everyone being super nice and smiling around you when you are on a hospital bed. I think there is a specific term for it. You know what is it called?" She asked

"Paradise I guess!!" I replied

"Nah!! I don't think so!" She smirked. I went and sat beside her while she still stared out of the window.

"Arjun!! How many years have I known you?" She asked.

"How could I know. I have usually seen women remembering this kind of thing... Aaahhh!! Maybe you still are not a woman after all Shraddha!!" I replied sarcastically.

She sighed and exclaimed, "Such a stereotypical society."

"I think it has been almost 10 years. I clearly remember. I was 7, reading Harry Potter quietly in my room when you barged in like it's your room and started talking to me and touching my stuff."

"You make it sound really weird and creepy you know.I had just shifted and wanted to know my neighbors, so I decided to talk to everyone. And I didn't 'barged in' mister. I knocked at your door and you even said come in. I literally felt like it was gonna be a job interview. And I didn't touch your stuff. I was just looking at them with curiosity, that's all." 

"Yeah, but your judgmental eyes were making me insecure." 

She smirked. "You were the exact incarnation of the word introvert. But then I came into your life and taught you to be a better person and also taught you how to communicate with others. You owe me a big-time you know that right?"

I didn't say anything. She looked at me. It was my breaking point. I couldn't hold it inside anymore. "Do me one more favor then!" I said with my head down. "Don't die! Don't leave me alone!!" I said turning towards her, with tears streaming down my face. She immediately turned her face away.

"Who knew the most sarcastic guy I have known would turn out to be a crybaby." She said, her voice breaking. 

"Yeah!! Who knew?? But you know what? I love you. I love you more than anything else. I just wish you to stride beside me and pick me up when I fall. I owe you for teaching me to communicate and teaching me to be a better person, but I am a weak student and teachers don't leave their weak children, do they? So don't leave me. Stay here with me." 

She was still looking away but was unusually quiet. I smiled and reached for the door handle. "I knew that confessing my love wouldn't be a good idea. But your silence stings more than the regret. Here I am pouring my heart out and you remain quiet. So insensitive!" 

"Who are you calling insensitive?" I sensed rage in that question. I turned. She was now looking at me, her face red with anger and eyes full of tears. She walked towards me but fell halfway through, I tried to catch her but I fell down too.

Both of us collapsed on the floor, I looked up into her eyes. She stared at me with pure anger while I sat there stunned. She started punching me in the abdomen. Her punches are so weak that I wasn't even feeling them. And she started murmuring while still punching me, "Who are you to call me insensitive? Everyone is sad around me and I try to be cheerful. Constantly smiling but deep down I am scared. I am gonna die. There were so many things I wanted to do. So many wishes I had to fulfill but here it ends. How can you call me insensitive? I am ignoring the knocks and bangs of death on my door and talked to you with high spirits and you call me insensitive? I almost broke down when I saw my little abusive brother weeping before me, but I couldn't cry."

The mistake I had committed, dawned upon me. She was no longer talking about insensitivity. She was pouring her heart out. She was still punching me, but her words hurt me more than her punches.

"You are the insensitive one. Confessing your love at my death bed. What should I call you selfish, late bloomer, or insensitive?" She had stopped punching now and was crying. I took her in my arms. 

"I am sorry Shraddha! This is not good. I have given you the worst goodbye ever." I sobbed.

"Yes, you have!! And you should be sorry!!" She said. There was a brief moment but then she croaked, "But I still love you!!" 

I felt myself smiling and took her in my arms while I cried in her cold grasp.

It's been 20 years since her funeral. I have a caring and loving wife, two super adorable children. They are the reason I live but I can never forget the girl who taught me how to live. She still remains in my heart. Her cheerful smile always bringing tears to my eyes. Her heartfelt confession still bringing me joy. Maybe it wasn't bad to be insensitive.