I Need You

Something has definitely changed.

As you stand in front of me, begging me to come with you.

I’ve started to notice the difference.

When you left, you promised to be back as your happy self but now as I look into your eyes, they seem lost.

They don't hold their shiny mischievous sparkle that they used to.

The dark brown colour of your eyes that used to crinkle when you smiled is long gone.

And the replacement has brought a completely different person in front of me. They are now glassy and lifeless.

"Don't be a baby. Come on! I won't hurt you! Don't you trust me anymore?" you asked.

Hurt me? Why would you even say something like that? The thought never even crossed my mind. I don't verbalise any of my thoughts because now, I AM scared.

"You said you will be back permanently after the research. Then why are you asking me to come with you?" I ask.

"Something has come up and you have to join me. I need you. "

You say bowing down your head as if embarrassed to admit that you need me.

I realise may be I am being paranoid for no reason. The time we have spent apart is catching up to me.

I look at you and seeing you so miserable fills me with sadness and love for you.

You look up and smile as you see me walking towards you.

Before I know it there is a knife in your hand and you slit my throat. Blood gushes out of my neck and I choke, in need of oxygen.

And I wake up.

I am soaked in sweat everywhere and tangled in sheets. It was just a dream. A very weird dream.

You come in the room. I wasn't expecting you.

You sit at the edge of the bed and smile. But something has definitely changed.

Dread fills my heart and I ask you the only question that I couldn't ask in my dream.

"Why?" I whisper. My own voice sounding foreign to me.

"I need you...

 For research. "

I wake up in a brightly lit room. As I try to move I realise my hands and legs are tied to the bedpost. What did you do to me? I thought I was dead.

You made me think I was dead. I look around trying to place everything. Everything is white. I hate white. Did you do this on purpose? Are you tying to provoke me?

You come in the room and sit beside me.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" I shout at you with anger and frustration. An unexpected sob escapes my mouth.

"You have been here for the past seven years," you say.

What the hell are you talking about? I look at you. Really look at you. Trying to place what is happening. Is this a prank? Before I can say anything you ask me, "Who am I to you?"

"Are you insane? I am your wife. We have been married for the last five years. Been together for seven years, 29 days and six hours exactly. You went for your research away six months ago and now here we are. We love each other. Or at least we used to," I say whispering the last sentence.

I lock my eyes with yours. To show you how much this hurts me. I trusted you. After having two failed marriages at a young age of 28, you were my only hope, my partner. I used to share everything with you.

You stare at me as if pitying me. I don't want your pity. I want, no, I need your love. Not your pity. I don't want anyone's sympathy. Especially not yours. I am fine. I am FINE.

"I am not your husband or your boyfriend or anything....

I am your doctor. "

 

Words. Words come out from your mouth but I don’t hear them. I don’t believe you. I have a feeling of déjà vu. This has happened before. My ex-husband paced the room just like you, saying the same things as you, but we all know how that ended up right!

“I am not your husband or boyfriend or anything. I am your doctor. You are sick. Just because we have spent so much time together does not make me your life partner. I am just treating you. Or should I say was...”

I get it now. You are cheating on me. What is it with you men! Those six months doing research, that is what you were doing right. Cheating on me. Sleeping with other women. Just like the other two. And you have just this lame ass excuse. Don’t even have the guts to tell me the truth.

“You little piece of shit!” I shout. “You really think you can get away from me! That too by lying! I am not sick. You are! I don’t like it when someone lies to me and you know this. This is why you tried to kill me. To get rid of me.”

“What? No! You think I tried to kill you because you are sick. You are paranoid all the time. You think you are the victim, but you are not. Anyways I am done with you. I have tried everything but nothing works. You are now on your own.” You end up with a tired sigh. As if you are done—done with me.

“You cannot do this to me,” tears started pouring out of my eyes. “Not again,” and suddenly I start laughing . “Do you know what happened with the other two ‘doctors’?”

You look at me in confusion and ask, “What do you mean?”

“I guess nobody told you. Since I am ‘sick’ and they wanted you to ‘treat me’, they never told you the truth. You know why they let me go after what I did, because they knew I was right. Because they cheated on me so what I did was justified so they didn’t punish me. In fact, they rewarded me each time by getting me a new home.”

An evil smirk forms on my face as I see the look of horror on your face. I can see you putting the pieces together. Yes, I killed them. That’s what their punishment was for giving me so much pain. And now, I wonder if I will have to repeat the task. Do world and that poor woman you slept with, a favour. I know I needed you and you needed me but in the future, I will need someone else and I will make him need me.