How My Secret Happiness Turned In Apprehension

It would be lying if I say I was sad to hear about the lockdown. In fact, I was secretly happy. Happy about not getting up early in the morning, not waking up my kids for their school who otherwise wake up with maddening slowness which had been entirely displeasing to start my morning. I became free of extreme exam pressure that only mothers like me deal with and generate it to their kids too. I was super excited even to imagine spending quality time with my otherwise busy husband. So, everything seemed nitid when imagined. Nonetheless, the first two weeks went well. As same as I imagined. 

We would watch late-night movies, play games, slurped soup, savored every mouthful. I chattered on the phone even to my not so close relatives and even to my friends' friends. Life was going easy and slow. 

It took fifteen days for me to realize that despite having ample good, entertaining days I was missing being busy. I was missing having my morning tea in my private balcony with a newspaper in my hand when my children would leave for school and husband for office. I was missing talking to my mother on the phone, perhaps some private conversation which I couldn't do in front of my husband and children. I began to miss those beanfeasts and bunfights, themed dress, and bright lipsticks with organized accessories and footwear. 

Lockdown now is not as compact as it was in the beginning yet we only prefer to go out when necessary. We, my husband, and I along with my kids went for a few long drives yet the excitement was not as same as it used to be. I was always grumbling about Akash's massive screw-ups, terrible plans because of his hectic schedule. But now when he was absolutely doing nothing apart from spending time with us I observed his emptiness. The emptiness of being away from his workplace. That void inside him grew deeper when one by one bill was dropped at our gate to be paid. We felt as if we were drowning. Although our savings was our rescue team at the end it's you who has to breathe anyhow. Dwindling savings aroused anxiety and stress. I had seen fine lines on his forehead when he idled aimlessly around the house. He tried to convince his boss for not reducing his monthly salary but all his attempts were in vain when he received 50% of what he deserved and then after two months Akash lost his job. The hotel he had recently joined in as a manager has given all it's employees their cards. Flabbergasted with an upsetting situation that fell like thunder upon us, Akash became pale and haggard. Nor was there any reduction in school fees, EMI, electricity bills, and loan installments. 

Our running income was blocked. Normal life turned insane. We were all together with ample time to converse yet words fell short. There was nothing to talk about rather than Covid-19, dying people and the pandemic. I realized that all this was paving paths for depression to walk into our life. To save ourselves we began to work from home. We sat and planned calmly. Akash was experienced and I was the only helper he had. We started home kitchen, a takeaway. We sat together not to watch web series or play games but to plan our expenses for the upcoming months and our investment in the new business venture. Since it's our initial stage so we can't expect much in terms of monetary returns but we received an overwhelming response for our unique traditional recipes. Now our home has turned into an over ornate takeaway. 

This phase has taught me life lessons. It met a new me. I realized how important it is to work and being busy with it. It makes no difference how much you save for your future or crucial times but you can't sit idle all day. I understood the importance of following routine and discipline. Waking up early to catch the time schedules. To wind up everything on time, to get up rejuvenated for another welcoming day.