How I Married Jesus

Since 2020 is a life-changing year for me, I thought I would reveal something that I have never revealed before. In my younger years when I was living at the house of hell, I mentally felt as if I was a robot being reprogrammed with the same negative Nellie shit every morning when I would wake up. I did have a job as a daycare caregiver and I also had my own car at the time. Unfortunately, my job knew that something was going on whenever I was not at work because I looked really pale, skinning, and was extremely quiet and would only answer when I was spoken too. Two years after I started working at the daycare, one of the daycare families noticed also something was not right with me and I looked extremely unhealthy. This family actually offered for me to become their nanny therefore i would not have to be living at the house of hell anymore. However, I turned it down because i hid the secret from my job and all of the daycare families which was I was dying and I did not know how much time I had left. How do you tell your boss and co-workers that you are dying from a deadly disease. I was not going to make a commitment that I could not keep. Just having a daycare job was extremely hard for me but also a blessing. A blessing because I had somewhere to escape to. The daycare was my safety zone. Every night after I got off work, I would pull off to the side of the road a mile and a half away from the house of hell and sit there gazing at the sky for shooting stars. If I saw even one shooting star that night I took that as a shooting star of hope that hopefully "tomorrow" would be better. I knew who the Heavenly Father was, However, I was not married to Him yet. I did not have a firm steady devoted commitment to Him. I was still highly trying to figure Him out. Unfortunately, He is very complicated to figure out. Every night when I was done gazing at the stars, I would cry out in prayer to the Heavenly Father for peace, that I would wake up the next morning to see the sunrise, pray for help to come my way, and to be rescued. My one and only wish at that point was to have a loving, building, and understanding family. Unfortunately after 1 or 2 months of praying, and not receiving any notifications that I was going to be rescued and no signs that my prayers are going to be answered, I gave up on Heavenly Father and started searching for help my way. Unfortunately, that led to a very deep black hole. I started reaching out south, east, and west. I ended up getting into legal trouble and started breaking all the 10 commandments. I felt extremely useless, helpless, dumbfounded, mentally numb, and extremely scared. I did not know where to turn to. I started hanging out with the wrong people who did meth, smoked weed, and people who just got released from prison. I started highly lying, stealing, and more... As years passed, I wondered how much longer I could work with my deadly disease and death in all. Unfortunately, after 6 years of working at the daycare, I was forced to quit because my health was deteriorating so fast. After I quit working, in my eyes I knew I only had a limited time to live. Therefore I got to the point where I had no more energy to hang out with the people who just got out of prison, who did meth, and who smoked weed, however, unfortunately, I did continue to break the law and the 10 commandments. I continued because I was getting attention and I thought with the attention that I was getting I would receive help and be removed from the house of hell. However I was wrong, all it got me was into more trouble and into a deeper black cave. Three years after I was forced to quit my job (2012), I physically and mentally ended up in a spaghetti state. I ended up in the regional hospital for one month. It was at that point I knew, The Heavenly Father was by my side the whole entire time. I knew at that point I missed searching in one direction. I had already search south, east, and west. I finally realized the direction that I was missing. I missed searching North. Then all of the puzzle pieces started coming together. I started looking up (North) to the Heavenly Father. I knew he was my last resort. Therefore in between hospital visits ( they release me after two weeks and then I was readmitted again for another two weeks) 4 days After I got released. The day before I got readmitted back to the hospital, I fully devoted my life to the heavenly Father because I knew without Him I am nothing and would never survive. I also started praying again. I prayed for a second chance at life, but I also prayed for Heavenly Father to take me away. The Heavenly Father answered my request during the 2 weeks that I was in the hospital.

Now fast forward to today 2020. This year has been full of violence, murder, protest, and stores getting broken into. This year has shown us that when we have lost everything or at least we think, in reality, we need to look up (North) to our Heavenly Father for guidance and perseverance. I now base my life through the eyes of the Heavenly Father. I no longer break the 10 commandments or the worldly law. I do not take responsibility for my life. I truly believe it is ALL because of the Heavenly Father that I am alive today. I am proud to say that I survived one of the deadliest eating disorders on earth. I have been recovered for 7 years now, and that is a huge milestone for me. I can also say that I have been living on my own for the past 10 years. Recovery is hard but the grand prize is at the end which is YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!.