His Life

The sky was dark, every breath I took felt like a blessing from heaven itself as, the life I was living the life I was very proud to say was mine was not mine at all, It was of the person who gave up his to save mine. Every moment I live I keep telling myself that I must live his life to the fullest that I must make his sacrifice worth it, but the lingering feeling tells me whatever I do I won't ever be able to make up for that day that choice. So what am I to do? live my life like he would have wanted or lived the life he would have lived or go on like nothing ever happened? I must know for this feeling is hollowing me this feeling of joy and the guilt I feel for feeling so and the sadness, oh the sadness it kills me. For if I am not able to decide I will end up dying of this guilt this pain this grief. I from what I know of him, and from what I know of me I don't want to die so. Help me! but I have no one I trust I love to adore enough to share with them this storm I have growing in me. I guess it is for I am afraid of denial or maybe just because I feel I don't deserve this life, his life.