Eternally Yours

As I was flipping through the different channels on the TV, the news channel caught my attention. It was showing the situation at the border. There had been cross border firing between the Indian and Pakistani soldiers, initiated by the Pakistanis. My heart skipped a beat. Varun, my husband, had been posted there.

I started looking for my phone frantically. I knew he had told me never to call and inquire about him, that he would call me himself. But this was urgent. I called up his commander knowing that he always carried his phone with himself. It was the device of communication for all those women and families that the soldiers had left behind. The phone started ringing and Commander Thakur picked up.

For a few seconds, I could not speak anything. The words just died in my throat. All I could manage in my small voice was-

"Is he alive?"

"Yes. Really critical but he will survive," came the reply on the other end.

"Thank you so much, sir. Please tell him to call me as soon as possible," saying that I hung up.

Being an army man's wife is not easy. It takes a lot of courage to be with someone whom you know can die anytime, who can leave you just like that. 5 years with him, and I am still not used to it. Every time it is worse than the last. Every time I feel, what if I never see him again. But then again, I don't regret it. This feeling of always being on the edge, however scary and terrifying, I would never trade it for anything. Varun is my life.

I remember when I saw him the first time. It was the 3rd of October, 2014, my birthday. And I was celebrating my birthday like I always had, at an orphanage, playing with the children. Though I used to visit them often, I never missed going there on my birthday. Their wishes were priceless.

Kneeling on the floor, fixing Manav's collar, I saw him for the first time. A man of about 24, he had silky black hair. Tall, lean and just so handsome. He was talking to a 7-year-old girl. Suddenly he started smiling. And damn, I think I forgot to breathe for a moment. MOST. GORGEOUS. SMILE. EVER. Suddenly that smile turned to a giggle, and then to full fledged laughter. I was smitten. If his smile was gorgeous, his laugh was something else entirely.

I was sure I was staring shamelessly, but I didn't care. This had never happened to me. Sure, I had boyfriends in the past, but I never felt like this for anyone ever, let anyone at first sight. My imagination went wild. I could see myself holding his hands in mine, him holding me in his strong arms, and other things, better left unsaid. I was so deep in my thoughts that I never saw him walk across the room and come towards me.

"You're blushing", I heard someone whisper in my ear.

Snapping out of my beautiful reverie, I wanted to scream at the person who broke my wayward thoughts. But as I looked up, I froze. The bluest eyes I had ever seen. Deep, like the ocean. For once, I didn't mind drowning.

"Umm, no... I guess I...", came my dumb reply. I had never stuttered. What was it about this man? But boy, was he handsome. Now that I could look at him so closely, I realised that he was perfection personified.

"It's okay, I have that effect on girls. Name's Varun, by the way."

"Hi. I am Misha".

And so, we started talking. We talked for hours in the orphanage. It was as if we had forgotten that there were others also around us, that we were not in our private space. Though I really wished we would have been. Conversation flowed so freely and naturally, no one could say that we were talking for the first time. For a person who was so charming and cocky, he was surprisingly so sweet and so down to earth. The more we were talking, the more and more I was falling for him.

And that is how our relationship started. First, we became friends, then good friends, then best friends. Suddenly we started sharing our secrets with each other, which probably we wouldn't share with anyone. 6 months into our friendship, I knew there was no going back from here. I was too deep into this. I wanted nothing more than to tell him about my feelings. It was becoming tough to hold it inside me. But I wasn't sure how he felt, and I didn't want to spoil this friendship.

Four months passed. Slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. Then one day when we were sitting in his room, he started crying. And full fledged bawling, the one which breaks the heart of everyone witnessing it. I held him for so long, it felt like an eternity. After no more tears could come out, he told me,

"My brother passed away."

Nothing had ever hurt me more. Those words had barely reached my ears and my tears started flowing. Varun was an orphan himself. His parents had died when he was two, leaving him and his 6-year-old brother alone in this world. All he had was his brother- the brother who had been his mother, father, a friend since forever.

His brother had been diagnosed with a brain tumour almost a year back. The doctors tried their best, but there was no hope. He had 10-12 months at most. Varun had been shattered on receiving this news. But he still tried to be strong for his brother. But now, it had ended.

I had never seen Varun like this. So emotionally raw. He seemed tired, physically and mentally. He had been so brave.

"Everyone left me Misha. My parents, my brother. Why Misha, why? Why is God so heartless and partial? I have nothing and no one left Misha, no one left. You will also leave me, right? Just like everyone else", he asked in a very distressed voice.

It pained me to see him like this.

"No Varun. I will never leave you, whatever happens. We are in this together. Forever".

He looked at me with the most vulnerable expression ever. His blue eyes were so moist, looking at me, as if not believing what I just said. Maybe words are not enough. I wanted to assure him that what I said was true. So I did the thing that I had been wanting to since the minute I saw him. I kissed him.

It wasn't one if those kisses which we see in the movies or read about. The ones full of passion and craving. It was the most tender kiss, sweet and full of love. It was a kiss of assurance, a kiss of safety and security. A kiss full of promise.

As we parted, I looked at him with utmost sincerity and seriousness and said- "Let's get married. Today. Right now."

He looked at me with disbelief, suprised and shock written all over it. But when he realized that I was absolutely serious, he smiled. A small smile, but still enough. It felt like ages had passed since I had seen him smiling. And I was grateful that he finally did.

We got married that day. My parents absolutely adored Varun and they were more than happy with my decision. Our married life was blissful. We were so happy and so in love that life suddenly seemed worth living. Varun always told me that I came and brightened up his life that was full of darkness. I vowed that I will do whatever it takes to keep him happy.

Initially, I was really scared and worried because of his profession. But I knew that serving the country and his motherland makes him really happy. So I always supported him. Yes, I would always keep a brave face whenever he would be leaving. But secretly, as soon as he would step out that door, I would start crying. But he always promised me that he will be back for me. And he always kept his promise.

Two years later:

My protruding stomach was giving me trouble doing anything. But I was walking frantically around the house. Varun had told me he would be back today. He had to be. I was supposed to deliver my baby in 10 days. He couldn't be with me for the better part of my pregnancy, but he said he would make sure that he is with me at the time of our child's birth.

Suddenly, I felt something wet between my legs. My water had broken. My maid came to me and realized that it is time. She called my parents and took me to the hospital. When they put me on that bed, all I could do was scream for Varun. I wanted him here with me, clutching my hand tightly. But he wasn't here.

After what felt like hours of pushing, I heard the sound of my baby crying. It was the most beautiful and powerful feeling in this world.

"It's a girl," the nurse announced.

Suddenly I was taken back to the time when Varun had come for a break. I was four months pregnant and he pampered me a lot. I knew he would be the most amazing father. One day, I was just reading a book when he came to me and put his hands on my belly.

"It will be a girl. I am sure of it. We will name her Naina", he said.

"How are you so sure Varun? In fact, I want a boy."

"No, we will have a girl. She will have the prettiest smile, just like her mother. Tiny nose, and chubby cheeks." He seemed to be dreaming about it already.

"I don't have chubby cheeks," I complained. He just lightly pinched my nose and hugged me tightly. At that moment, I was exactly where I wanted to be. With my husband, and my baby on the way. We made a bet of whether it will be a girl or a boy.

Suddenly the door opened bringing me out of my memory. It was my parents. They were beaming with joy as they hugged me and held my little munchkin in their arms. I smiled thinking I lost the bet. Varun had got his Naina.

Two hours later Varun came. He kept apologizing constantly for being late. But I told him it was okay. Seeing him holding Naina, I felt my family was finally complete.

Present day

Beautiful and lovely were the five years that I spent with him. It was tough to handle Naina whenever Varun went away. She was very attached to him. She would cry for days on end when Varun left. It would take some time for her to get used to it.

Suddenly my phone started ringing. It was Varun.

"Hello. How are you? Does it hurt much? What did the doctor say? when will you come home?" I asked everything in a go.

"Calm down Misha. I am fine. The doctor said he will keep me for a week before I can get discharged. I will come as soon as I get discharged. Then I will take a long holiday and spend a lot of time with you and Naina."

After one week

It was 2 p.m. I was feeding Naina lunch when I heard the doorbell ring. I instantly knew it was him. I could feel it, the air was blowing differently. I rushed to open the door. There he was, the love of my life, my reason for existence, my Varun. I couldn't control myself and I started kissing him. I could feel something were between our cheeks, though was it him crying, me, or both of us, I couldn't tell.

He broke off suddenly. The kiss was too short for my liking. I could feel myself pouting like a petulant baby. Varun just smiled and announced, "Naina, close your eyes." And with that, I could feel his lips on mine once again and I was in heaven.