DRUG ADDICT

DRUG ADDICT

My Name is Jack.

I’m 16 years old and I used to have one of the most common issues of teens my age and even though I’m not proud of it, I’m gonna tell you what exactly happened last summer. 

My mum always told me that the streets of London can be very dangerous but I just never took her seriously. Well, how could I? She never told me a reason that It could be perilous. So I started hanging out with the kids from the streets, also known as the poor quarter, just to find out if my mum was right. Worst decisions of my Life. 

I should also mention that I used to be one of those nerds, no one liked before I started meeting the street kids. And I have to admit, they had been quite nice to me once I started making friends with them.

At first, everything went pretty harmless. We were just hanging out and sometimes we also smoked some cigarettes. But that is quite normal for teens my age, isn’t it? That was at least what I thought.

I also told my mum that I didn’t really see them as friends and that I only met up with them to kill the boredom. But we actually got really close, throughout the first couple of weeks when they „offered“ me to take drugs for the first time. I would never say that anyone forced me to do so. It was my decision. But It was the first time I had friends and I just didn’t want to lose them, so I felt that I kind of have to. Anyways I thought: „ One time will not kill you…“ 

Yes, It won’t, But that’s it with the drugs. First, you decide to take them, to be one of those street gangsters, to fit in and be kinda „Cool“. You only take them on the weekend and think you can stop any time you want. But it gets so great that you start taking them on Thursdays either and then on Wednesdays and then… It got you. 

You don't realize that you are already addicted to it but your entire body, every single muscle literally needs it. Every time you don’t have any, your stomach cramps and you have that weird feeling in your feet as if you ran 4 marathons after another. In fact, you can just think clear if you are on drugs and you always want stronger ones. It is like a dream. Not a nightmare but you just can’t wake up. There is always that little voice in your head saying: “one more time, then we will stop…“ But you never do. You could also compare it to a vicious circle. My mum complained that I have changed a lot and I knew it too but always denied it. I was ashamed and didn’t want to admit to her as well as to myself. After the holiday was over my marks at school started getting extremely bad and I started missing school to buy some new drugs for me and my friends. Sometimes we stole some stuff, sometimes we earned it. It didn't matter to me. I was a junkie. One of these dope-heads I used to laugh at. I felt like it was my destiny to be a drug addict, for the rest of my life. I couldn’t stop myself and didn’t know a way out.

But there was that light breeze of hope which helped me get out of this. Her name is Ava. Ava and I used to be the closest friends at about primary school. Within time Ava moved to the USA to her dad’s because her mum couldn’t afford to take care of her. We texted a lot and still knew everything about each other. It was pretty hard when Ava moved. But I dealt with it and I also dealt with the fact that she couldn’t text me every single day. I didn’t want her to think that I’m weak or anything and that I can’t lead a normal life without her so I never told her about my new „friends“ and my addiction. But Ava found it out anyways and texted me one message after another…, saying that I have to stop, that I will die, that she is scared about me,…that she lost her boyfriend and don’t want to lose me either. First, I pretended that it didn’t bother me at all.I never texted back. But the way she texted, gave me strength. She lost her boyfriend. I always hated seeing her sad. But I knew that even my love for Ava couldn't make me stop taking drugs. The inner me was too strong. One week later Ava had been at my place with a tear-stained face. My heart was broke when I saw her. Even though I had been on drugs I really cared about her. I loved her. More than just a Friend. But she never knew.

The same day I went to a withdrawal clinic. I still don’t know how she got me to the point of view that I wanted to change everything. At least for one day because the moment I entered my room at the clinic and Ava left, I denied my decision. I wanted to be free again. 

To be honest, those couple months had been the worst of my entire life. I thought that no one actually cares about me and that no one understands me. And most specifically it hurt so bad. In fact, I have never been through such a seemingly endless and painful process before. My stomach cramped, my nose was running and I had continuously a terrible headache as if my brain was about to explode every second. Extreme chills, sweats, sleepless nights, anxiety and realizing that my heartbeat is getting faster every single second... It is a feeling, I don't wish for anyone, not even my biggest enemy.

But It was worth it. Now I hate drugs and I swear, to never take them again. It is the devil in person. It is 11 pm in London and I feel unstoppable. I’m laying on our hoses roof, looking up to the sky, with my feet against the tiles, which are still hot from the spring heat. Under me, there are billions of cars passing by and the sound of it is amazing. Feels like the earth is shaking.

I love my life

Jack Gray