Desperation4 mins 47 4 mins 47
Reyaan was not sleeping well the past few days. Although, it wasn't unusual for him to stay up all night, scroll Instagram, like a few posts, share a few jokes and maybe chat someone up once in a while. Tonight too, he was going about this little routine when suddenly he stumbled across a post with a critical quote. Suddenly, it made sense, as he could relate to what he read.
He was unsure about what he was feeling and why. His mind was unstable because he had lost the ability to put a name to his thought.
It was past midnight and he was under sheets when he suddenly burst into tears without knowing why. He had a lot of friends, a handful of close ones who he knew were always there by his side. He thus ruled them out of being the cause behind his tears. He did not have a lover since high school. As soon as that fact passed his mind, he felt his heart getting heavy. "Why am I a failure? Why am I not loved? Why don't I have a shoulder to cry upon?"
He began to find someone to blame that on, and so he did. He blamed his parents and God. Although, when he revisited his moments, he could make a list of potential partners and at that instant he became gullible. He felt as though he should start a little something with someone on that list. He began to feel a rush of multiple emotions and suddenly everyone seemed important, everyone seemed perfect for him.
He started missing his lost love and daydreamt of how things would have been had stuff worked out. He was angry, frustrated, and felt strongly that God had been unfair to him. He recalled how his parents found out about his brief romantic venture and had interfered. How they exaggerated the significance of being focussed on achieving all the goals they set together. And how his wandering off would lead to his regress. He thought he would have built a successful relationship if he wasn't misguided that way. He felt betrayed.
Thinking about it over and over, his cry escalated and became deafening for himself. In spite of that, he sensed some vibrations. He stopped weeping and started looking for the source. The vibrations were due to some sound. Someone was saying something in his ear. Its words were getting clearer.
It said, "If it had been love, it would have been unswerving. No authority could ever touch it. And if it ended then, it was always meant to. It was not your destiny because in which case you would have found your way."
Hearing these words, the weight on his heart, unloaded. It was not right of him, to question the intentions of his parents. It was not correct to hunt around for love within his list. It in fact was not correct to actually have one. This was his first encounter with desperation.
He began to analyze his psychology and wondered why he felt what he felt. He asked his guiding sound "What then am I supposed to do? It's not just about love. It is about everything happening with me. I work hard to achieve the set goals and yet I've landed nowhere. I am good at what I do"
The voice answered "You say you are good at what you do, but is what you do good for you? Does your work feed your soul?"
This question put him in a serious dilemma. He wondered what food for the soul is and why is it important to feed one's soul? His chain of thoughts was interrupted as the voice continued its counsel- "If you don't feed your soul, you'll always be hungry, you'll always be hunting. You will try to latch on to anything that crosses your path in search of tranquility."
He listened to what was said to him and it all made sense in a flash. He could not deny the statement because it was resonating with the storm within him.
He felt inspired and decided to invest time in himself and explore his interests. He knew he was in progress because his guide was none other than his soul who needed to be fed..!