Dear Person That Left...

    I won’t say your name even though it’s on the tip of my tongue.

    I won’t tell them what you looked like… I won’t tell them about your dimpled smile and the cocoa skin that you hated. I won’t tell them how you laughed with your whole heart when we joked. With your whole heart… like soft blossoms springing out of your mouth, tiny-humorous snorts and arms hugging your belly. I won’t tell them how you giggled at every little thing you found amusing, even if it was a simple word. 

    I never knew our years of promise would turn into a simple eye-contact. I didn’t know that after all the games, giggles, and pranks, we would become hallway strangers. I never knew that one day, I wouldn’t be able to share our inside jokes with you. 

    I remember the day I met you… I guess now that I look back our friendship was bound to be broken… it was a teacher, her amused smile, she put the two new kids together. I was the shy-misfit, and you were this radiating sunshine. You knew my language, I knew your culture… we fit so well, or was that just me? 

    I remember the next day…

    I guess it was bound to be right?

    We were bound to become strangers… after all, that’s how we started. I remember approaching you or maybe you approached me, the two new kids trying to fit in. Your sunshine smile hidden behind a curtain of nerves. My fidgeting hands.

    Moving was normal but relationships were difficult to build.

    You and I played together, stuck together, shared our new-kid status. 

    I guess I should have known… 

    What did we have in common? Nothing… just being the new kids.

    But that doesn’t last forever huh?

    Our group of 2 became 3. You and her went along, and I didn’t mind, both of you were my best friends. 3 became 4. I didn’t mind… and it grew… grew… and grew. 

    I had friends beyond our circle, you did too. We had our own lives, puberty struck and suddenly you were a rose in full bloom. So beautiful, so radiant… I was stuck in the back, the quiet-mom friend. Once again a misfit in the group I knew for as long as I could remember. 

    I was wary of our 5th addition, her snarky comments and shadowed eyes. I stayed back as she swept you into her charms, she took you to cloud 9. Our inside jokes left in dust as the two of you shared something more than I could ever imagine… We sat on the same lunch table, yet I was on one side and you, the other.

    We didn’t speak… our gazes met, faltered, two joker smiles and then strangers again. 

    Maybe our friendship wasn’t doomed till that day… Maybe we could have survived if the rumors hadn’t spread… if I wasn’t forced to choose. Maybe it wasn’t that, we were probably already doomed. 

    Skip another 2 years, forget the lunch table, I didn’t see you anywhere, we were like two puzzle pieces that wouldn’t ever fit. Everything that we had, now gone, we weren’t the new kids… our music taste, so different, your fandoms foreign to me. 

    I saw you, we were inches apart, talking again… yet so, so damned far apart… our minds on opposite poles. 

    Skip to High School… we are now strangers. 

    I remember that day… our speech competition, we were on the same team. They asked if we knew each other, we made eye-contact. I still remember the forced smile etched upon your face, did you feel the same way I did?

    Were all the memories coming back? 

    It was the first time in years that you actually looked at me… that you actually saw me… and that pale-frozen expression… 

    “Do you guys know each other?” the others had asked. 

    Did we know each other? 

    Did we truly know each other anymore? 

    “Yeah, we are acquaintances,” you answered. My heart, stumbled… a dilapidated house… years of memories turned to dust. 

    Now I see you in the hallways, your radiance succumbed to years of stress. The dulled sparkle and eye-bags under your eyes. I see the way you sit alone with another friend. The 5th addition left you in the dust… finding her next victim. Oh, how I hope you have more than one friend. 

    We still sit feet apart... I look at you sometimes, I promise I don't mean to be a stalker... I am just worried. I want to be your friend again, but would it work?

    Days when we make each other's gaze… I know we aren’t strangers.

    I know in the way you recognize me… that we truly can’t be strangers. 

    Not with the shared gaze, the silent conversation, the dulled gazes and soft expressions. We may be on two different poles, but they are attract, right?