Burning Even In Water
Burning Even In Water
"The Soul with the tiger's eyes and roar
The mind, dark for fear of the invisible corona
The body that is crushing itself in violence “
Burning even in Water
And there is no salvation in fire also
Joleo Joli (Bengali)
May Allah save the world……
Everyone is becoming aware now
Towards the unconscious.
Everyone is Jumping from the hill
For afraid of snakes
A mask, not only
It also unmasked a lot
My father has fever in this covid.
Of course it is great fear.
However, I did not get any symptoms in five days and
Now the fever has decreased a little
Problem is just he can't eat anything
Diabetic patients, so food is restricted also. I did not think about hospitalisation because of the fear of contamination.
This fear is more frightening
But day by day, my father is getting weaker and weaker, not from the mind, only physically. Otherwise, he is thousand times stronger than me.
At the age of fifty-seven
Still making his own field
Cultivated in the sun
Made a the pond for fishing.
From a very young age
He used to cultivate, so the childhood addiction,
But I do not go with him,
Always escape from fear
My younger brother stays with my father
Also, my father handles business alone
He returned home at eleven o'clock at night, soaked in the rain all day, even the day before his illness
It is very difficult to find a doctor,
Consultations are also going on with familiar doctors. A local doctor
Comes for regular check-ups.
Everyone has the same opinion,
In no way can it be given to the hospital, but rather with a little care at home
Need to pay attention In Diet and Medication
We kept in mind,
Once had a stroke,
Somehow in this weak state
The eyes cannot be hidden from him
Blood test reports are also all good, malaria, dengue, typhoid
No problem find in any report,
I thought, the body is breaking down day by day without eating,
But I somehow
Couldn't be sure,
Sometimes Abba looks a little healthy, but sometimes very sick
What to do, what to do right, a healthy independent man, who took on the burden of others until two days ago, today unable to come from the bathroom.
Can't walk more than three steps,
No more walking ability
He stays never in the room, always we have to keep him to toilet
We are about to bring my father from toilet,
He became unconscious
I kept him
On the one hand I with the bottom of his hand
I'm leaning on my shoulder,
And other side, my mother, brother and my wife
Suddenly the legs tightened again,
The eyes rolled over, the body fell down, but the words, still
Confidence to touch sky
Why are you so nervous?
Nothing happened to me, uh! uh !uh!
We are crying silently, even if we are scared, there is no option to call anyone,
I have to reach to bed first
Then I will think of something else
With great difficulty, tears in eyes, with a lot of pain, we brought my father in room to sit .
with great difficulty
Now because of COVID
No good doctor is coming,
I called immediately to my manager
We had relation with a doctor of Chittaranjan Hospital
So I took an online consultation
And after saying the symptoms
I understood that its UTI
I.e. urinary tract infection
Which has spread in the body in excess
Doctor also changed the medication for diabetes, pressure, cholesterol and
All other required medicines
In the block hospital
Covid was also tested,
The report has not generated yet
I took everyone's opinion, everyone said
Take care, try not to be taken to the hospital in any way. One percent chance of covid is also one hundred percent dangerous for my father.
But not happening well
Already the local doctor came and
After the checkup, he give the energy powder to my father to drink and the sugar goes above 500
I'm getting more scared,
It takes courage to listen to my father,
But words and body don't say the same thing - I have no problem, I just can't eat, I don't feel good for eating.
Abba is like this, always hides any storm, any loss of life and
Carries everything of everyone
But never the slightest burden of his own
Abba never depends on anyone.
From my son's chocolates to wishes, medicines, food
All expenses of the house, sister's house
Even my wife's daily necessities are carried by my father
Happiness, peace, joy, all
About buying Swift,
I told him to buy the old one
Because I can't drive
Registered in my name.
I don't drive, so he scolded me many times. I wouldn't drive like that
Because it was a shame to me
Also bought the first bike of mine,
Even, made our house like a hobby
He used to say that my son earns what he earns
Can't make a bathroom,
So go on the road .........
I get a salary of fifteen thousand rupees.
It includes MacBook, iPhone, Fossil Watch, Polaroid Sunglasses, UCB shoes,
Sony Extra bass Earphones,
French Connection Wallet ....
Can anyone afford it?
I am only one
Because My father uses my old mobile
Wears my old watch
Never wear pants unless go to town. Lungi.
All the things that Didn't hear the name before, bought it for grandson
Will Teach grandson in a good English medium school, grandson will speak English, many dreams……
The elder son was not able
Not even the younger son
This time I dream about with grandson.
My son is like that
The two-and-a-half-year-old boy says to the working girl: I am a teacher, mother, can you say the Newton’s formula?
One day it was raining,
I said, abbu, get up,
It will rain.
He said: That I am observing,
What is the meaning of the sky
Then one day I jiggled him:
Abbu, I am your father or you are my father?
He replied: I am your father and
You are my father
But if I say to the boy in anger, he says: I am your father and you are my father.
Let's buy a car.
Everyone in the neighborhood called him.
To listen to this mature word.
When he says: Mahir, will you lend me your words?
He says: Be old first
Then I will.
This small boy, unlock the mobile
Plays airplane games alone, four-wheeled,
Ten-wheeled, gears, brakes, wipers, even bumpers on the road, he also noticed: slow down, cut to the side.
Some of it is on YouTube and the rest is learned from my father.
If there is no network in the mobile, look for the tower by taking out the mobile through the window,
He is also perfect to ride a bicycle also.
It happened two or three times, I was at my father-in-Law's house, he got up at four in the morning and started crying.
At five o'clock my father came and took him away.
The son also left his parents and happily went home with his grandfather.
He never even said he would come.
My father still does not hide his eyes from him this illness also.
My father actually
Not just my father,
Not just my family,
Not of the whole clan,
Outside of that, the roofs of at least twenty-fifty people's heads, burned in the sun and soaked in water, keep everyone inside him.
Yesterday, who was blaming may father, he also depending today
Sometimes I became angry, why so much?
Whoever he sees, whoever he thinks, maybe half of the income
Sometimes when helpless people come home,
But, it is right that
After returning with a smile on their face
It feels good in my mind
Even after catching the thief once
Explained, fed, left.
Says- he stole for poverty. Otherwise stealing the truck’s tires why he put the equipment back in the truck?
The price of two tires was at least fifty-sixty thousand rupees.
After handling a lot of people, my father has such an experiences
That he can read anyone on their eyes
Once my mobile was stolen.
The driver and helper came to the house.
It was confirmed that one of the two had committed the theft.
I came, my father came too.
The driver's hands and feet are shaking and he is saying: Babu I am unable to find, what to do !
But abba is not looking at the driver, he is just slapping the helper: Tell me where you put the mobile.
And the helper is hugging my father's legs and crying and saying: Babu, I swear by my dead father,
I'm telling to my father: Abba, he didn't steal, catch the driver.
Father is not listening!
Fifteen minutes later
The helper finally admitted:
Yes babu, I stole.
Not only this, with the help of fire you can do welding.
Only my father can do.
An incident, once my pisimshai (my father’s brother-in-law)
He got drunk and got drunk in front of people. Seeing people joking, Pishi (my father’s sister) informs his son.
Pisi’s son got into a fight while taking his father away.
After, he came to my father and informed with crying.
Abba told me: bring him to the doctor
And after, go to their house,
I saw, Psimshai is on fire with anger:
I will drive the son and wife out of the house. I will not keep anyone.
I was afraid that my angry father, would come and end the family again.
After a while my father came.
heard the whole incident from pisi
Abba said to pishi: You are so wise that you are sending a baby boy to solve this matter, very well, right?
He did this because he had lost consciousness, why didn't informed to any other senior?
I saw, Pisimoshai is smiling in his mind.
Then, said Pishi's son: How dare you fight with your father? Is he not your father?
Pisimoshai also got a chance and said: What kind of boy? I lost my dignity in front of people .........
Finally, abba said to Pisimoshai:
I have nothing to say, you have done such a heroic deed, let the boy be beaten in front of the people, this is what you should learn.
Pishi and Pishi's son was happy this time. Then all the anger is cooled.
That's my father.
That's all, if I was given the responsibility, maybe I would ruin the whole family.
Yes, but never tolerated injustice.
Some people came to put a post from the electric office in front of our house, said there is no voltage in the neighbourhood, so the double line will solve the electricity problem
As soon as it was reported that the people had come to supply electricity to the liquor Shop with taking black money, my father immediatelygrabbed their shirts:
Come on, the posts that have been leaning before, fix it now,
Is it Your duty to support the FL Shop by destroying the village?
Dad started dragging them. Alone.
Then they hold hands and feet of my father.
Abba leave them after accepting forgiveness
I have seen my father protest like this in many times, he was not afraid of the political party leader also. A very brave father opened his mouth alone.
Again very timid also.
When stolen from the front of our house, seeing from the house, for the protection of the family
Didn't say anything.
Silently accepted the loss.
Everyone heard the news of my father’s accident in the afternoon and everyone keeps crowding till night. Sisters, brothers-in-law, uncles, aunts, uncles, Pishi and many more.
I keep trying to keep everyone at a distance
After, abba was a little better at night. Conversation also was normal
Eating and drinking are all normal
There is only one problem,
Only a problem: I can't eat, I don't feel good eating
In this time also, my father walked outside by supporting on wall, the day before yesterday.
So my belief that the body has been weakened for fever, will gradually recover
I also checked all of covid's symptoms: sore throat, shortness of breath,
Nasal odor, tongue taste, cough
I didn't find anything bad.
Even the smell of onions were in the kitchen
Abba sits at room and gets annoyed
There is no such thing as malaria, dengue or typhoid
So I thought, since it is diabetes, it will take some time
Abba insists on going to the bathroom outside. Even though we are all side by side. I said: Abba, do not hurry, step slowly.
I thought it might be difficult for Abba to return
So I was very close
At the end, whatever the fear, happens
On the way return, suddenly my father started to break down slowly. I somehow keep him sited on floor.
Now I saw my father is shaking, shaking his head, restless, his eyes are rolling, his whole body is shaking …..
I screamed like crazy about what I was doing:
Give water to the head, give it quickly, hold, don't put to bed, give some sugar,
Come everyone, hurry up, Start the car, hurry up ....
I'm not doing anything just moving and running like a mad all over the house.
Fifty to hundred people gathered in a moment
Gradually, my father got better.
My hands and feet are shaking then also. I Can't pick up the phone. I called the doctor with great difficulty. The doctor shouted:
Take him to any hospital right now, get in the car right now, get in the car right now.
I called Sanjay da: Sanjay da don't have time, make arrangements hospitalization soon. Hurry up.
- Come fast,
I did not waste another moment.
- Abba, let's go
-We'll go to the hospital
I grabbed my father and sat him down. Everyone was there.
Abba is still so tough. He wore a shirt alone, combed his hair,
He performed ablution, reciting kalema
Began to move forward
All hurriedly sat in the car.
And I was not late at all
I got off the bike earlier
We all arrived at the hospital,
The hospital didn't want to take without Covid Report. Atlast, I called Sanjay da, then they admitted my father to ICU Isolation Ward.
And immediately tested for covid report.
Immediately the treatment started
I met then around noon
Abba said: I don't have any other problem, I just can't eat it.
-It’s okay. Don't worry, I'm going to say
- Madam, my father is very stubborn
Maybe try to get out of bed,
- You don't have to worry about him, he will be getting down
Then I came to the reception and talked. They said: You wait outside, the doctor will come and will check the patient.
Then will talk to you.
I talked to the doctor at three o'clock. I also introduced myself as a medical representative
Talked in a very nice way
I said about all the treatments from the previous stroke to diabetes.
The doctor said: Look, there's a chest infection,
It can also be pneumonia
Can also be Covid
Will start Mask ventilation,
The oxygen level in the blood is very, very low
I have already started the whole medicine, you bring the report of Covid as soon as possible, then I will confirm and start the treatment on the therapy line.
You look at the Covid report.
I called Sanjay da as soon as I came out: Sanjay da, look at the report as soon as you can.
Don't have to worry about anything. I'll get it out tomorrow morning. By any means Sanjay is the employee of Dr. Lalpath Lab and the test is there.
So I got a little courage
Meanwhile, I am trying very hard for the government report. My Aunt's daughter works at Rural Health.
Meanwhile, I am keeping in touch
There is communication everywhere,
So believe that,
Anyway, a option will come out
The night passed.
I stood in front of the hospital again in the morning. Now just waiting for the report.
Sanjay Da said: I am trying it as soon as possible. This report takes a little time, brother
At three in the afternoon the doctor called us:
A little better than yesterday. However
According to him. But I have not seen anything good. You try for the report.
I'm telling them. Go and meet your father once.
With security I ran upstairs. Abba is now wearing an oxygen mask, in isolation inside the glass.
Sister took me and opened the glass door.
Sister showed to abba and said to my father: Tell me who is this?
Abba then said in a very serious, very mood: Who again, will you have any staff
I was a little disappointed
I realised, I was wearing a mask so abba couldn't recognise me
I said in a low voice: Abba, me
So, why are you blaming him?
He is in your care, you do your job. Once you put it, once you put that…..
RMO from the side said: What are you doing? Why are you opening the door? Close, please close, say from the outside
The door was closed
Abba became silent this time
Didn't say anything else
I was confused this time. I thought, the report is very important, that's what I need to do first
We, Mama Dulabhai (Brother-in-law) all started trying to report.
Phone after phone call to Sanjay. Sanjay da said: It will be around ten o'clock at night, wait.
We did not go home. Waiting. At eleven o'clock at night Sanjay Da called: What was your father's name?
I'm bored this time.
How can a person
Who has not remembered my father's name for so long remember my father's report?
I said my father's name again helplessly.
-No, I have not received any document with that name.
This time I want to kick him in the face from inside the phone.
After a while he said: Oh, I got it, Not ready yet. Probably it will take 2 am.
-Then? What will happen?
- I'll let you know
- Will you stay up all night?
-Hey brother, do we sleep anymore?
We came home.
If not, mother, sister and wife all wait without eating, they first look at our face,
In the shape of our faces, their tears and smile plays.
If the face is heavy, they cry loudly.
And if we are normal
They get a little confidence.
On the way back, one person called from the hospital: Your patient's condition is not good, you may have to pay for ventilation if needed. Moreover, Doctor has told you that, it means that the patient is not getting time till the report comes.
So I let you know.
You write a letter now and send it to WhatsApp.
I wrote with great difficulty. I sent.
Then I staggered home like an addict.
What to do, I will do, This is the first time I feel helpless criminal useless. I can't find peace even in crying.
I came at night and called Sanjay da from one to three a.m.
Didn't pick up.
I did it at six in the morning, Again he didn't pick it up.
He picked up the phone at seven: oh, please tell
This time, my body started burning.
I have no such shameless enemy.
- What do you mean? You have been acting for two days, tell the truth, if not possible by you, tell me, my father will have to admit for ventilation this time.
- Then take it, think so
- Are you kidding?
Oh no, will your father die if you don't? Nothing will happen, what are you doing, don't hit the wasp in the morning ..
I'm scolding to myself this time (bitch, my dad is dying and you have no worries, wasp worries?)
When this Sanjay da was locked up in a female case, his father raised his hand, and I ran like a fool for thirty kilometres to the police station to him.
Let's go! I am helpless. This is my destiny, the crime of expecting more.
The doctor called me at noon
Where's the report? Where is the report? Report released in seven hours, why do you take two days? Tell your friend, tell, your father if he's covid, I will transfer to Special Covid Hospital, if not, I will do the treatment in full force.
-Sir, he is trying his best
- No, I won't do it again, I raised my hand.
My hands and feet began to tremble. I don't know if it has suddenly become so deep inside. Finally, I told to son of pishi
-Look at the report of govt hospital, otherwise my father will not live.
He was startled. He lives a little awkward life. At all nights he drinks alcohol and hangs out here and there
Broken leg at accident, placing plate. the plate bends again by accident.
He did not respect his father also.
But till today, he never raise his head in front of my father. The more he scared, the more he depends, the more he loves and the more he respectful to my father.
He left the phone and ran to the government hospital. Called in ten minutes: Brother, the pathology report department at the hospital is closed today
Troubled, I contacted a lot and printed the report from the computer room and signed with the stamp of the medical officer.
Don't worry, Mama and Mami both are negative. I'm bringing the report to you right now.
After all, this time, I feel as I can take a deep breath
That should be natural, no one in the family has any symptoms. Even my three year old son is fine …..
They came. I entered the hospital with the report. I did not delay a single moment. I entered and saw the doctor standing there.
As soon as I handed over the report, the report of Lal Path also came. The report of the 26th sample is negative. And the report of the sample of Lal Path on the 29th Positive. I also noticed that the sample arrived to the lab one day late.
And, that's probably why the report came so late of one day.
The doctor said:
Look, three days difference and I will emphasise the last report. Besides, look at your father's condition, I confirm
You go to a government hospital right now, you need an ICU ambulance. Immediate plasma therapy or latest treatment is required which is not possible here.
We didn't waste any more time.
So I called my Mama for payment and transfer
Mama came. The bill is around one lakh rupees. There was also a little discount.
As much as there was familiar communication, the leader, minister we communicated everywhere in government offices.
Also I informed home to sanitize the house. I told everyone to stay separate. And I informed the rural health workers so that no one in the neighbourhood fall in danger.
After, a govt hospital was selected.
I got into trouble with the ambulance technician and persuaded him to sit inside the ambulance with my father.
Mama had brought clothes from home, Dulabhai send those to hospital to dress her father.
We are ready with masks, hand gloves, waiting for the hospital call for discharge.
We received a call from the ward where my father is admitted.
I ran to the fourth floor without a lift. I knocked on the door.
R. M. O. Came out from the ward
- Sir, I’m…..
The doctor told with hurry - listen, listen, we'll find out, there's an accident right now, we're trying,
We called the doctor. He is coming right now, you wait outside of hospital, if everything became normal, I will call you
This time I went down the stairs
Everyone looked at me and said with a sigh of relief: I don't think so anymore!
I called my sister. I have to keep crying. I said only one thing: pray that my father survives!
I squat on the street. There is no chance to hug or catch someone. Weeping weeping and just weeping. The call came from above again. I couldn't go anymore, Dulabhai left
I understood everything as soon as he got down. I didn't have to ask anything. The doctor came down and came out and comforted me.
It seems to be nine o'clock at night.
I was just like someone living in his father's body like a pathogen in his father's breath and dying in father's death.
I lost my father in such an incredible death and I became as everyone became an orphan
I became a big orphan.
I am a little foggy, a little distrustful, a little helpless and the rest is crying dumb unknowingly ......
They have given a chance to see once. Only one, who will be also in his own responsibility, since covid patient
I slandered myself Covid patient?
My father, my abba? My true hero, is in my blood
For the last time I saw my father, it was as if he was alive, not serious, not the way he ruled me, the way I was curious to know, just the same face.
Looking at me, our clothes are shining and unbelievably alive. Abba is lying with his head to the north, his legs to the south and his face to the west, towards me.
I signed all the papers till three o'clock at night. I called many people.
Only pishi's son and some of his friends came. Pishi's son called everyone to bring my father home, but failed.
At last pishi's son also started crying. His friends forced me to get in their car.
I said: No brother, I was in direct contact. Now if it were yours for me, it would be my sin.
They finally proceeded with the car following me.
They said: call when I reach home.
I came home.
No one at home still knows.
They knows that abba a little bad today, so I didn't take him with me today. I'll discharge tomorrow for hospitalisation.
Abba didn't let anyone understand the pain, kept inside everything.
We slowly managed us normal in the way of returning home. After sanitising and taking bath, I and dulabhai entered a separate room on the first floor.
I said: We are coming from the hospital. So we will be separate for a few days.
Mom said well, there are kids at home
Mother wakes up at three o'clock.
I woke up at five and saw my mother awake.
How can I say!
Mother's thousand questions since morning: How is your father? Shall I go once?
Call the hospital? Ask how he is.
I said: You are diabetic too, don't worry so much, Mama has kept in touch. Mama will call a little later.
Mama called as per discussion of previous night. On mom's phone: You all sit so far away that no one will touch anyone.
Dulabhai and I have no choice but to go down the second floor stairs. I say from afar: Sit down. separately. Sit far away.
No one is listening!
At last, I yelled: ... can't hear? Sit down, all sit down
Everyone sat down in fear.
- mama, you tell
Now Mama began to say: Now, yesterday you heard, brother's report shows covid positive. So everyone in the family has to be careful.
There are two children in the house. Everyone wear a mask. No one will go out of the house. Stay at home. Use sanitiser.
Mama can't talk anymore, I understand Mama's voice is breaking
But he have to tell. I can't. So I am sitting with my down face.
Finally, Mama said: An accident happened last night.
Everyone started panting.
Mama said: We will get out of the hospital, in such a situation the doctor informed that the brother is no more.
Immediately the house burst into tears.
That screamed from my ears
My sister and wife are both screaming, and the two children are sitting helplessly on their mother's lap. I also have a fourteen year old brother.
I did not dare looking at his face
And, my mother?
My mother is sitting on the floor, banging her head on the floor, helplessly, just screaming and crying and saying: Allah, Allah……
I'm sitting on the stairs. Not talking. Shameless, ungrateful, idiot, like me seemed to have no one else.
I said to my mother: my mother, how much I tried, I catch everyone's feet, how much I did for two days, It didn't, mother, it didn't
I signed it myself. I witnessed my father's death. I'm just acting from night.
Mother said: Allah, look at my son’s life, Allah, take good care of my children.
Ma, I give permission them to take my father,. The official will come and go away hospital and will not let anyone see.
My mother, I will not even see the grave,
- Allah! Allah! My mother broke down in a groan
My every speech wounded my mother One by one, my mother Broke down in tears like a child and I am just seeing, sitting on the stairs, I am also crying, but I am a shameless selfish person.
The Dead cries walked all over the house all day and night. Screams all around. No one, locked house. Official ban for Govt restriction
No one is allowed to touch the head or pull it in the lap. And we do not have permission to hug anyone!
Only we are in our house and separated by fortune
Sometimes I feel like banging my head on the wall, cracking the wall or jumping from the roof. There is no opportunity to do that. Then everyone in my family will sit on the street this time.
That brother (pisi’s son) is banging his head at the gate of the house like a mad and also had to give water to his head.
My younger uncle said,
About three or four hundred phones came to this :
Don't worry, we're here, I'll give you everything you need.
Many people have called and told to take the payment. I don't know many people who came in front of my house and cried loudly. Many people are talking about Abba's grant and contribution over the phone. reassuring me. Wished the family well health.
Again, I have found someone who used to steal from us, after his death, my father contributed, yesterday my father died and today his family is setting up a post next to our land. He said to my pisi’s son: after his death also, now he is sending a broker? Let's see whom you call …
It's been two days. Now I am shrouded in a fog between consciousness and subconscious. Of course, there is no shortage of food
There are fish in the pond, there are vegetables to eat
Even after Amphan everything fresh in crop field
Even after his death, we are still living on our father's wealth and hard work.
All day now
I sit at the window and look at the people on the street.
Those who never come out of the bathroom with soap in their hands, they are putting towels on their faces from a hundred feet away from our house, some are wrapping sari.
As soon as someone contacted his eye, he turns his face.
Looking at them from a distance, I say to myself: Allah keep them well
And my son is still waiting for Grandpa to come back: when will dad come back from the hospital? Take me to buy egg lozenges, or I'll tell dad on the phone ....
When I see my son, I silently say: Abbu, don't be like your abbu, be like my abbu.
I am now an orphan, helpless and destitute.
In fact, I am not. I am shameless, characterless, ungrateful, selfish
We were completely shattered from all sides. Fear of criticism in panic. Fear of notoriety.
If people blame My father infamous!
People in the neighbourhood shopped for us and gave to my uncle's and aunt's house to serve us, but we were also afraid that my father would not blame for others
One day later we had a covid test. I also took the family of the working girl. Majo Kaka (second brother of my father) and Majo Kakima (his wife) had a slight fever for a long time. So I took their family. I also took the younger uncle and the cousin who was with me. Pisi's son said my mother was in your house, also take my mother.
I also bought pisi for test. Everyone's test done. The report came four or five days later. Majo Kaku and Majo Kakima's report shows positive. They started crying loudly. I heard that they had been hiding the fever for a long time.
Pishi’s report also positive. Pishi cried and said that I had entered their house many times and had eaten.
All are gathered to my house and closed to my abba on that day
Officially, health person came and took my uncle to the hospital.
Then he returned home after all night because there is no bed in hospital.
The rest of us never got a report. Now the test is off.
The health workers said: Your report must have been good, so it did not come, if it was positive, the news would have come.
The whole incident surprised me and I thought:
If Dad was at home, then?
If the accident will happened in transfer from hospital to another hospital
What if the accident happened on the way?
Even the last time two person of us had chance to see abba.
There was a chance to go.
That communication is missed
KMC phone calls are also missed.
We couldn't go.
Only our test would not have been caught everything. Major kaka and kakima would have spread in the neighbourhood if not for the test
I could not understand anything even if it was just Kaku Kakima's test. Pisi’s test was not in my mind, the Pisi’s son boy reminded me.
No one was harmed. The people in the neighbourhood who came running, the friend who drove away car, the one who put my abba in the car, everyone is well. Until two days before my father left, in the day people came, my child hugged my father and lay on his back.
I took Abba's medical syrup, came back and lay down on Abba's blanket ...... everyone is fine
No finger had been pointed at Abba ....
Where the fear in a meter,
We were just touching there.
But how did so much happen?
How is that possible?
Every step and event is like clear to me.
Now, I’m trying to forget everything,
It won't be right for me to think a second time, it's out of my reach.
There was a lot of communication,
None of that worked,
Time and results went by like that, no one could do anything.
Dad was destined
So I accepted death.
I received the news that four days after my father's death, a friend of my father's had died.
A friend has a heart attack,
They are running the hospital and the hospital…..
May Allah keep everyone well and keep them healthy.
Now the fear of responsibility. Should be carried on the shoulder. There is no option to choose whether I can do it or not.
Fear of notoriety of selfishness if possible.
If not, fear the stigma of ignorance.
An unknown terror is staring at me all the time.
I think, even if I look at myself in the mirror whose picture covers me, my whole life have to spend. without him
I can not dare to think,
More Fear than death.
But the consequences of fear
In many pain have to be dumb
In many courage have to be afraid
In many punishments have to be forgiven
Many things have to be kept secret .......
Now I'm just I am no more,
I am my father. Must be.
There are no other options.
Without just a recourse