Breathe A Little!

“Wow, finally the much awaited day is here, So, what plans?? Today is Friday, no more stupid office work for next 2 days”. They were very excited.

“What about you?? Let’s go somewhere, how about “Social or HRC or TGIF” Should I book a table for all of us?? He asked while searching for a contact number to book a table.

“Yeah seems a good idea, but no dear, this weekend is just not possible, you guys carry on, I will join next time. I already have some commitments.” I shared my plan.

“Tell me something new, you and your same answer! At least try to get some interesting answers! Fine.” He said and left for his much awaited evening with drinks.

***

By the time, I reached home, she slept, I enquired the nurse about her, what all did she eat, what all did she do, was she happy today, how was her mood, was she upset, sad, happy??

The nurse must have got pissed off, me asking the same series of questions every day, but poor lady, she judiciously used to share the happenings of the day, because she knew the importance of the same in my life. I knew that more than a nurse she used to take care of her as a family. Still I used to irritate her now and then with phone calls during daytime and series of questions after coming home.

I went upstairs, where she was lost in her world of dreams. Though I agree she had lost weight, got some wrinkles on her face, grey hair, blue lips (because of lack of blood supply), got her eyes got immersed somewhere above cheekbones, all these ingredients were adding to her pious beauty. She seemed same to me, as she used to look a few days ago or say a few months ago when everything was fine with our lives, seems “Once upon a time.”

I made coffee for myself, sat on the balcony with a notebook and a pencil. Just like any other day, I was re-visiting my day. Good team but bad project report, good doctors but bad medical reports, healthy me, ill herself, good world but not so good people around or perhaps good people but bad timing.

I wanted to write everything on that blank sheet of paper, I had a storm of emotions inside me and wanted to get rid of them, was just not able to handle anything anymore. I wanted to cry…I wanted to shout…I wanted to share… I wanted to breathe… I wanted to live! I didn’t know from where to start…I was short of words…, all I could do was – SMILE. I was cursing myself for smiling!

All the time while I busy cursing myself, Suddenly the door-bell rings.

***

I went to open the door, there was a cute little girl, blue eyes, pink lips, round nose, in a white dress with white hair-band and white shoes standing with her mother.

“Hi, we are new here, actually my door got locked and keys are inside, could you please take care of my daughter for some time, so that I can go out and search for a key maker,” her mother said.

Sure, I said and invited that young girl to my house.

“Would you like to have something?” I asked that young girl.

“No thanks, I am just coming from a birthday party,” she said while sitting on a couch, ‘I am Hikari,” she told me.

“Nice name, actually very different name, So Ms. Hikari? Which school?” I tried to make her feel comfortable.

“Is it necessary to talk about school, favourite subject, and teachers only?? I wonder why can’t you people ask me something else? Why cannot we discuss something real, something more important than a favourite subject and my school name?”, she said while rolling her eyes.

“Okay, Ms. Big Girl. Makes sense! so what do you want to talk about, tell me” . I got curious.

“You were drawing, does it make you happy??”, she asked while noticing my notepad and colour pencils on the couch.

“Well, I am very bad at drawing, I was just doing some calculations, no drawing,” I said while giving icecream to her.

“What do you do?”, she asked.

“I work for a start-up and takes care of their niche clients in my sector”, I replied.

“Does that make you feel happy? What do you do to be happy?”, she asked me.

“Happy not sure, but it pays my bill for sure” I didn’t know what should be the answer. So I asked her back “Okay you tell me what you do to be happy?”

“I play, I enjoy, I live, I explore liveliness, I talk to my mom. In fact, I do only those things which I like and makes me happy”, she replied.

“Lucky you!” I said and smiled.

She didn’t ask anything complicated. It was pretty simple, “We should do those things which make us happy, but I could not remember when was the last time I tried something which made me happy. Chit chatting with my family used to relax me a few years ago, at the moment I don’t even remember when was the last time I took leave from work just to be with them. I always thought that the nurse is there for mom, but couldn’t understand she might need her daughter too”

“What is this?” she asked me while pointing to my guitar.

“I wanted to be a guitarist, and now I am in a corporate job and I don’t have time for all this”, I replied to her while trying to come back from an unwanted introspection session.

“Then, why don’t you break this?”,she asked.

“I don’t have time now, doesn’t mean will not have time ever… I will re-learn once I get free” I clarified.

“Great! And when will you be free?”, she asked.

“Maybe after few days…weeks… Or months later,” I said. I had no concrete answer, but I did not want to lose to a young girl.

“Or after ages?”, she interrupted.

“Why do you think so much? You seem to have locked yourself. Anyways, how is your job going?”

“It is good”. I said with an unnatural smile on my face.

“C’mon! Why are you not honest? Why are you hiding your emotions?”, she asked at once.

“I am not, I just can’t be dramatic…Also, I can’t afford to be weak", I said

“Afford to meaning? Do you think if you will show your real emotions then you will be portrayed as weak?” She was shaking my life rules.

“Do you know why I am always happy because I am real unlike you? I cry when I want to, and l smile when I feel like, I believe in myself and my emotions! Why do you think you can change everything while being unreal to yourself? What makes you think that your fake smile can change everything? You don’t need to smile when you don’t feel like,” she said.

I was feeling refreshed hearing all this as if it was my inner voice yelling out.

“I wonder why you people use brains where heart is to be used. You might not change everything; however, you can handle everything… Unleash those emotions… Peel yourself, get yourself debarred,” She continued.

Suddenly a door-bell rings, and I got up, I had a notepad on me, which had few lines on it.

“Let your grief come out in the form of tears, Before you become a dead mountain…

Let your frustration come out in a form of actions, Before it is visible on your face…

Let those little eruptions take place, Before it turns into a volcano…

Let your beautiful smile be heard, Before vanishes in the smiley of mannequins…

Let your voice be loud and clear, Before you grace your coffin…

Let your emotions evolve regularly, let the things happen…

Let the problems find their way on their own…Let yourself BREATHE!!

Go with the flow and let yourself hug every worry with a smile…

Confuse your worries!! Let you become a worry for them.

It is only you that can solve your problems, The person you saw in the mirror today morning, is the one who can bring the best solution to all your problems…Trust that person, he has the power…!

You might not be able to change everything, but you can change something, figure out that something, that something is within you!

Let it happen…Breathe a little!! ”

Suddenly the bell rang again, I was still reading those lines, under which it was signed as ” Hikari ”

I started looking for the meaning of Hikari in my dictionary, I started smiling, the nurse came and said that someone is asking for me at the door, I came to the door and..

“Hi, we are new here, actually my door got locked and keys are inside, could you please take care of my daughter for some time, so that I can go out and search for a key maker,” Her mother said.

Sure, I said and invited that young girl to my house with a pleasant smile on my face.