Been You, Always!

I am one of them, in almost every aspect. Just that when it comes to love, I'm a little different from my friends.

It's surprising how love is found, made and how all these emotions are expressed, all over texts.

All I have done is write letters, some ten of them, and kept them with me.

(Even my best doesn't know.)

Every morning in a hall filled with closed eyes, I keep mine open, to look at you, peacefully. Don't even ask me about the number of times I stroll, near the stairs, in that corridor, or near the field, hoping to see you.

Just once, maybe.

I can never understand how without even thinking about it, they randomly mention each other on social media. I don't remember the number of times I have typed your name, long pressed the backspace key, afraid, overthinking, before tagging you. You know, they meet almost every day, click tons of pictures too, in uncountable poses.

The occasions we meet are a few birthday parties.

And pictures? I have 5 class photographs.

I will cherish them, always.

There are a few special corners in school, very popular among couples, where they spend most of their time, expressing love physically. Remember, one day my eyes met yours for a mere three seconds, and I received a half-smile?

That day, I got my share of affection.

They ink each other's names on their bodies; some put it in their stories, statuses and where not. All I did was the whole time, write your name behind my rough notebook in many styles of calligraphy. In their final years of school, these 17-18 year old's believe a lot in something called hookups.

My best friend, after a lot of struggling convinced me that maybe I should update myself. A party, loud music, hollow hearts filled with alcohol.

But the boy (fixed by her) was a lovely person.

We spent an hour together. Unlike what we were supposed to do, I ended up narrating to him about you, while he listened carefully. What's strange is that they can ask for hook-ups, while me? I can't even gather the courage and tell you; it has always been you.