Are We Even Thinking?

Just a few days back Sheila celebrated her fiftieth birthday. A happy soul that she is, she turned fifty in the new decade of 2020. "What is so new about it?", I asked her. There will be so many overlaps of so many thought processes from so many generations thanks to the different people who have witnessed other decades who are entering this decade with us. And whether we like it or not there will be some things which we will not agree with or find redundant or even stupid. And then, people like me will be wasting time explaining to these so called wise people as to why a change is necessary and how things that happened five or ten or twenty or thirty years back cannot hold true. In fact they should not have been true even then. But they have been. Only because no one really thinks!

Sheila got agitated at my long speech and stopped me. She was like, "What is it that has gone into you. Why are you so cynical?" I said, "Do you even look around? Life is not a bed of roses. I am not saying that there are only thorns. But then just learn to see things for what they are." I was particularly pissed about a neighbor of mine. She was happily married for fifteen years and off late started having some compatibility issues with her husband. Within a years' time the issues became really serious and now they (she and her husband) have filed for a divorce. I mean its their business. But that girl has come back to her parents which happens to be in my neighborhood.

That woman has always been a working person and now for the past three years she is not allowed to work because her parents feel there will be a rebound and they want to be the better judge of 'when' and 'what' is right for her. It is sort of a house arrest situation for her. I ridicule her parents. I mean how is she to survive. Not only that she has been approaching her work seniors to help her get some work so that she can have a life and keep herself busy. But now she has given up on that as well because everyone knows about her divorce and it is most certainly an unhealthy place to be. Wherever she goes, her father has someone tracing her in their locality, her mother constantly nags about getting remarried and things are so pathetic that even her emails and phone have been tapped. What is she? A teenager? What is she to do in this situation? And we say we have entered the new decade. Amazing!

I have known the girl ever since we were children and all her life she has been an amazing friend to me. But now, she does not meet her old friends or does not go to groups that she otherwise used to go to because there is only one agenda all over. Hooking her up with someone so that she will be happy. I mean, is that the solution? If she has been an independent person all her life, how will she be dependent on someone suddenly. She first needs to get her sense of self back.The other day I was speaking with her and she told me that if there is one thing that she wants in life, it is to be able to work and be independent and live alone. She knows everything else will fall in place. Why is that such a difficult thing to fathom? So many of her friends are themselves keeping her parents informed about everything that she shares with them in private. Her friends are also acting stupid I feel. Just think about it... At this age of her life, she has no privacy... And no life!

She has two lovely children. Thank God! Else she would have had gone crazy by now. But I really pity her. I just hope that she gets whatever it is that she wants and she can move out with her children from her parents' house at the earliest and start a new life somewhere else. I can't wait to see her being suffocated and sucked into that family nonsense anymore! It would be better if she even gets away from her friends and the groups where such efforts to get her married are on the spree. She also should not go back to her workplace because it will not be helpful as they all knew about her husband and now also about her divorce. I feel at least her close people need to get their senses back.

If relationships were so linear and could be switched on and off, people would never suffer from heartbreaks. And who the hell are you to suggest a solution? Did she ask for one? That is the problem. Our society has a need to fix things. But at least try to understand what she wants. Why the hell are you getting fixated on a marriage or a relationship as a possible solution. She just needs lots of healthy friendships right now. If you want to be there for her just do that and it will be enough. She needs social interactions and work and independence. I can see she feels stunted as a person and this needs to stop. She deserves to be happy again. She truly does!