An Open Letter To Self:
An Open Letter To Self:5 mins 9 5 mins 9
I know how it feels inside of you. I can see the frustration of things putting you in an absurd dilemma. It's hard to survive in this world of cruelty where nobody cares for you. Even at your worst; family, friends, love, society: leave your hand, betray you, forget supporting you, isolate you, hence the list goes on. You will lose your dreams. You will fail a thousand times. It's a selfish world out there, people are concerned about their comfort and emotions, they can't see your anxiety, stress, pain. Some people will judge you, some will pass comments, some will warn and threaten, some will bring you sadness, but no one will put forward a hand for help. It's always hard to walk on a road full of ditches, where people are ready on every step to push you into those holes. You are going to be blamed, suffered, devasted, irritated, frustrated, ignored, neglected, tortured, stressed, hate everything, still you have to fight till your last breath. You will watch closed ones distancing. In the end, you will find yourself alone caged between those walls of your own mind, where all sorts of schizophrenic thoughts are going to preoccupy you. A stage will come when your heart would try to give up, but the mind would deny. You will witness a war between your body and soul. Nobody will come to your rescue. You will be left alone in your sets of conflict, whipped by strings, and excruciated.
Opportunities will fall short. There would be less chance to prove yourself. You will think, once you let go of the invitations, you can't even attend the events in a lifetime. Your body language will give signs of your loneliness. You will laugh, but not from inside. Slowly, the little happiness withers away in time. When you find yourself in a crowd, you will see everyone holding hands, but there would be no one for you. On a dark night, the emotions from the heart will flow through your eyes. The stars and moon seem gloomy. All your days, feel boring and uninteresting. You will get annoyed with little things that create obstacles in your path. You experience the hollow side of your life. The people, the surrounding will make you feel insecure. People will cheat and betray. They make you so much confused that u feel lost. You start hating yourself and ur existence. Situations turn topsy-turvy, every now and then. You will get to know everyone around you, mix up with everyone, but couldn't share your thoughts and feelings with them. You will not be able to open up your heart to someone else so easily. Your little heart will be burdened with millions of thoughts. Your presence in society fails to exist. You will not be yourself anymore, rather a depressed human with no dreams. Confession of emotions becomes impossible. There will be so much distress inside you. Strained relations, stressed thoughts, blurred visions, sufferings, anxiety, nauseated minds. You will face misunderstandings that may end up some good and old bonds. You will feel tired of your daily routine, the sadness starts to climb up your shoulders. The place where you live will seem to be deserted and abandoned.
Nothing will matter except the frustrated state you are going through. You will find difficulties in coping with people around you. Whenever someone will try to make you understand something, your mind won't receive the perfect explanation, rather it may search for some negativity out of that thing. You may feel low and brew negative thoughts about everyone you meet or talk even your closed ones. There may arise a situation where you would become tensed about your future and career. You start fearing to read books, hence loose confidence. This fearfulness will increase day by day, and get webbed into a tremendous sadness. Confidence once lost, it will be hard for you to get back there, where you started. The lack of confidence will make you fall on your knees, and shatter all your hopes. Everyone and everything falls apart, people u loved make excuses to find their way out of your life. They will manipulate, keep you dominated, and pressured under their feelings. T
hey won't let you express your wants, anger, anxiety, sadness, absolutely nothing. They distance themselves from you so much that, there's not a chance left to make them yours. They claim to have faith, love you, care for you, and think about your future, but in their parallel minds they think about someone else, and already give away their hearts. At last nobody is concerned about your emotions. You are downtrodden, criticized, told to be horrible, and they say you lack understanding. They try to find a way to push all the mistakes towards you and sit relaxed. You are left alone to think and die every single moment of your life, what was your mistake that the other person betrayed you. You are dipped in a vial of poison, and forced to drink it untill you surrender.
You are intoxicated in an ocean full of torture. You feel agonized. You hate yourself for the life you are living in. You compare it with hell. Tears remain on edge of your eyes, refusing to fall down. You watch all of your memories breaking down in silence. Everything that once mattered now remains as a carcass of the past. You are forced to live in this living hell, for your feelings are shattered. Sometimes, you feel low for all the things that happened till date. Suddenly, you regret for everything that you had gone through. Putting efforts to build anything seems to low down, and you start creating misconceptions about the person who made you that much helpless, for not giving a damn.
Your emotions start converting into frustration, which leads you to self-destruction. Once you get inside that frustration, your mind and heart make a position for pain and anger only. All of your feelings die slowly, and everything you can see is crying to yourself from the very core of your soul. Negativity captures your brain and then takes hold of your heart, which then carries each and every kind of harmful feelings.