Amidst The Skies (Part 3)

A year had passed with her being the same, except that she started preparing a bucket list for herself and collecting a few start-up plans. She had changed a bit no doubt, it was a slow process. Now every time she missed her father, she not only read his suicide note but also Varun’s inspiring words.

“Yes mom, I’m leaving.” She replied over the phone as she got ready to take a flight to Singapore, to her mother’s place. All through her journey Varun’s words and actions hit her head. She missed him, not just during the journey but all year long. She had a whole playlist this time named as ‘Varun’. She never missed a single award show as he consistently won at least one award. In a year he had become the most loved voice of the country. Somehow in his memories and songs she reached her destination. Unlike previous years wherein she was burned down with grief on every step she took in the city, this time she walked with determination and hope. She held on tight to his words of wisdom.

‘There might be some reason, something genuine to leave a 10 year old.’ Her heart repeated constantly. ‘What can be more important to her than her only daughter?’ Her mind wouldn’t let her come out of this debate.

She saw the bright, fine face, she hated since years flash the almost all her teeth. Every year on seeing her mother’s face at the airport she raged, her face used to turn red. To her mother’s surprise this time she gave in a little smile. Years had she waited for this little smile on Amaira’s lips, her eyes wet and in no time was she weeping like an infant. She almost relived those 10 years with Amaira. She was always her daughter’s role model, her inspiration, her listener. She felt as if the night would come to an end, finally with a bright day. The long wait seemed to reap the sweetest fruit, her smile.

“Here.” Amaira pulled out a tissue for her mother.

“I’m sorry.” Her mother felt apologetic for having cried on her arrival.

They both drove back home in sheer silence, developing an infelicitous atmosphere. Amaira had no more patience, she couldn’t hold on anymore, as they stepped into their residence she popped up the question. “Mom can we talk?” She gasped and slowly gazed into her mother’s eyes with a hundred’s of questions, she demanded clarity. It had been years her mother had been questioned by her. They grew so awkward and Amaira’s hatred so strong that there wasn’t any room for clarification.

“Sure.” She gulped in her tears. “What do you want to know?”

Amaira dropped her bags on the floor but made sure Varun’s note was still in her hand.

“Why? Why did you leave me and dad?” She took a long pause, her wet eyes wandered around the house, trying to not make her tears obvious. Regaining her courage, she gulped her uncomfortablilty down her throat. Their eyes met both red. “Did you not love me? Did you not love him? He committed suicide because of you. Do you have an answer to this?” Her questions didn’t stop until tears took the league. Her hands cupped her face.

“Dear all what you know is one side of the situation, that’s one side of the coin. The dark truth is still unknown to you and I’m so sure your father hasn’t told you anything about it.” Pain flashed in her voice.

Amaira wiped her tears and looked at her mother. “What are you trying to say? Are you trying to blame dad for all what you have done?”

“No, Amaira. I’ll tell you.” She gasped and began. “Me and your father we were college friends after clearing our masters he asked me out, we dated for a year and then got married. He was very loving until then. I never thought that he would change so drastically, so soon. After holding matrimony within a year he started doubting me with my office colleagues. I knew he was possessive, and I liked it to some extent but the levels he escalated to as years passed were massive. He made me leave my job and I couldn’t leave the house, I felt caged. He called me his property, I fought with him a number of times because of that statement of his. It wasn’t like he said it and over. No. He made sure that no one could see me. He developed an obsession with me. I wanted to leave him then itself, but I wasn’t in a good financial state to take a step and the same year my father had passed away which was not only a devastating news but also a great obstructer. As he readily financed my mother, I was bound to live with him. A year later I conceived and then you were born. You became the whole and soul aim of my life. I gave in all I could to raise you in the best manner possible. Years passed you grew old, when you were 5 your grandmother passed away. He still was the same. Do you remember a single day I left the house alone?”

“You never left because you didn’t like to, right?” Amaira asked.

“That was what your father always told you, which unfortunately wasn’t the truth,”

“But I never saw you’ll fighting?”

“I was a learned women, I did know what effect a fight between parents can have on a kid. You had never seen us fight, but did you ever see us romantically engaged with each other? Having good talks? I was just an object for his sexual satisfaction and a maid who could raise his child for him. He never called you our child, it was always HIS daughter. He treated you like a princess, but he never treated me like a queen. I loved you a lot, but I couldn’t bear with him any longer. I felt suicidal at a point. I did not want to go to bed for that beast would show up, I did not want to open my eyes for I would have to see those walls again and feel caged. I felt dead. I lived for you, only to see your face daily, only to look at you smile. But then I couldn’t take it anymore. Either I had to die or leave the house. I was a person who had always respected herself and there with your father my respect, esteem all of it was crushed to death. I decided to leave because then at least I could see you grow, turn into a young girl. After your 10^th birthday I flicked some money from your father’s wallet along with my passport and left when no one was home. I knew I was holding you in my arms for the last time, I knew it wasn’t right. But I couldn’t help it. A few days I wandered around, looked for my old friends and then I found one. He got me a job there in Mumbai itself, which later on was transferred here in Singapore, so I shifted. I was busy earning so that I could call for your custody. I wasn’t ready to engage with anyone in a romantic relationship. But then I found Travis, who changed the way I perceived love. All I knew was the love of a mother. He showed me the way a man should love a woman, I felt complete with him. When he popped up the question there wasn’t a chance I could deny it. This news spread all round the globe, as Travis was a well known businessman and it also reached you and your father. The next day I got the news that he had committed suicide. I took the very next flight to see you. But you held me responsible for everything, I knew I was somewhere to be blamed. I thank your father for the one good thing he did in life, that he asked you to stay with me or at least be in contact. Otherwise you would never show up at all every year.” She spoke with rage every time she spoke about her ex-husband and with tears every time she mentioned Amaira.

Amaira did not have words, she was somewhere convinced, but she couldn’t accept that her father was such a cruel, stone-hearted man. He really did keep her like a princess.

“He told me that you ran away when I was 10 for a wealthy, famous man. See Travis is a wealthy and famous man. You are lying.”

“I know, you do not believe me. For the sake of those times when you were a part of me, for the sake of those times when I cuddled you to put you to sleep and those times when your first words were ‘mama’ , those times when without a hug you wouldn’t leave for school, trust me Amaira. I love you.” Her mother sobbed.

Amaira ran upstairs to her bedroom in sheer disbelief. Travis, her tall and handsome step-father knocked at the open door of her room. He was a man of great wisdom and understanding and Amaira did know that.

“I heard your talk with your mother.” Travis’s husky voice sounded her ears.

Amaira wasn’t ready to speak at all, like always, Travis would talk and she would listen and never reply.

“Amaira know that she wouldn’t lie. If she didn’t love you, your existence too wouldn’t make a difference to her. She wouldn’t rush to Mumbai every year on your birthday just to see you all fashioned up and smiling. She wouldn’t keep gifts at all the possible places you visit on your birthday with ‘from anonymous’ tagged on them. You have no idea what she felt like every time she had to call herself anonymous. She wouldn’t call you up every week just to listen to your voice. She wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night and weep calling out your name. Piles of paintings of your face are kept in the study. She does love you and she always did. This room you are sitting in is never occupied by anyone, except you. She cleans it every day, all by herself. I tell her to let the servants do all of that, but you know her. Oh wait, you don’t know her, you only know your father and you blindly believe in him. Amaira you are grown enough to know that a mother’s love is the purest form of love you can ever feel. She hadn’t felt any other kind of love, not even a man’s love for about 15 years of her life. That’s a big time. You just called her a liar, the little she held her self together, you broke that too.”

Amaira broke down in Travis’s arms and cried her heart out. “I want to believe in her. But he was my father. He loved her and that’s why he killed himself because he couldn’t see her with you. The way he loved her was different, but it was intense. He did love her, he did Travis.”

“Amaira that wasn’t love, that was an obsession. The basis of love is respect and understanding, he never showed any of this. Love without freedom is like a body without a soul. He didn’t love her enough to let her be herself. He didn’t trust her, that she’d love him back. Love is selfless my dear, there are no expectation and no worries for any return. This is what your mother taught me, I experienced love, in its second best form, coz the best she has reserved for you.” Travis like always gave her his piece of life advice.

‘Embrace your life, there’s more to life than you think. Try and a take a step, you’ve got your mother, do not lose her.’ Varun’s words enchanted her. She got up and wiped her tears. “Thank you Travis.” She looked back at him from the threshold before she could start her marathon and in her head she thanked Varun too. Her feet didn’t stop until she reached her mother. She stood looking at her mother, who sat on a white bed clinging on to her knees like a foetus and crying like a little girl. She tried to get her heart rate back to normal, panting hard.

“Mom.” Amaira’s words felt melodious to her. She looked up to Amaira in surprise.

“Amaira.” She almost jumped out of the bed.

“It’s been more than an hour I have arrived, I’m hungry, will you not feed me anything?” Amaira smiled at her with eyes red.

“Yes.” Her voice brittle, she pulled Amaira in her arms. Travis at the back captured this beautiful moment.

“Ladies and gentleman, the wait is over. We now present to you the singing sensation of India, who rocked the industry in a year’s span, Mr.” The host turned the mike towards the crowd.

“VARUN.” Thousands of over enthusiastic people shouted.

The tall guy with hazel eyes had now turned muscular. His newly grown stubble, got many girls crazy. As he stepped on the stage the crowd grew unmanageable, screaming and dancing. His wave got them all the more crazy. They calmed down once his voice hit the speakers. He moved towards the long rectangular extension of the stage to reach the crowd out there, continuing his melodious songs one after the other. With the mike in his left hand he bend towards the edge to sway his hands through the crowd, touching a few of theirs. Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat. The colour of his face changed. His hand felt something familiar. He stopped singing for a few seconds, then continued. His focus was no more on the beat. He scanned through the crowd near him simply to witness a smiling face, staring at him. A pair of wide black eyes on a fine face, blinked when they met his. Varun was no less than surprised to see Amaira. He had such illusions earlier, once or twice. To reconfirm he again put his hand in the crown and again his hand felt hers.

“Ms. Amaira?” A muscular man with a little mike attached to his collar asked her.

“Yes.” She replied in a shuddered voice.

“Varun sir has called you.”

She gasped in excitement and nostalgia as she walked towards the backstage. There he stood hands folded with a wide welcoming smile. He raised his eyebrows as if questioning.

“Hi!” Amaira greeted him

“Hello.” Their hands met again. “We can’t talk here or else you will be on the cover page tomorrow, I won’t mind though....” The smile on his face still alive.

She smiled back with a tinge of blush on her face.

“Come let’s go.” He took the lead and she followed him to his green room.

“Actually, I had come to thank you.” Amaira answered his unenquired query.

“You have come to my concert just to thank me? Thank me for what? And what were the chances that I would meet you?” He sat back and offered her a seat.

“I knew you would and I wanted to thank you for that note.” She replied with a confident voice.

“Oh! That note, I remember.” He exclaimed.

“Without that I doubt I would ever have my family back. Thank you once again.”

“Coffee tomorrow my place? Only then I shall think if I have to accept your thanks or not.” There was a spark between them which was alive even after a year. All it needed was some hot breeze to rekindle the fire.

“Okay.” She smiled and embraced him. This time ensuring her visit the next time and not to bid adieu.