A Walk in Fall

The recently fallen, colourful leaves crunch under my feet while I walk the small path between the trees, holding the synthetic leather leash rolled up in my right hand, letting my gaze wander about the almost bald treetops. A light, cool breeze blows through the branches and makes them rustle and crack, my hair flies into my face, I push it back, a quite pointless action. I love this forest, especially in fall, at this time when dusk already falls, drenching everything in a warm orange light… on days like these, I can't imagine anything more beautiful than going for a walk here.

A loud bark cuts the silence. I turn my head, look around, seeking, then whistle loudly. „Pearl! Come here!"For a moment, there's nothing except for the noise of the wind, then I hear the patter of paws on the leave-covered ground. Twigs crack and break, and then Pearl comes out of the bushes, panting and briefly shaking herself, and then coming towards me, wagging her tail. Poking me expectantly, tilting her head. Smiling, I kneel down before her, put my hand into my pocket and bring out one of the tiny, allegedly mint-tasting treats she loves so much and holds it out to her. While she is chewing, I stroke her fur and she snuggles up to me. It almost seems as if she's smiling, too. She pokes me again but I just raise my hands. „I'm sorry, chubby! There's nothing here for you anymore!"Her eyes look like she's about to cry and I start laughing. „Don't look like that! That's all I've got!" Then I remain silent. Tickle her between her ears, enjoy the total silence. At this moment, I can't imagine anything better than sitting here, together with Pearl, the friend I know as long as I can think back.

 She's like a best friend to me, the only one I can talk to when I feel bad. The only one who listens. I have no idea what I would do without her… We sit there for minutes, almost still, Pearl's fur just as disheveled by the wind as my hair, when the dog suddenly raises her head, cocks her ears and starts to growl.Slowly, I lower my hand. Give her a quizzical look, prepare for calming her down, but now she jumps on her feet. Barks, and before I'm even able to react and grab her collar, she leaps forward and runs off. Into the undergrowth, wildly yapping as if stung by an adder.I follow her with my eyes, confused, then I leap to my feet. I am aware that there's just a small chance to catch up with her but I ignore that fact, rush after her, after the barking, but after a few inches my hair and jacket get stuck around some twigs, losing precious time. I have to catch up with Pearl. I just know it. If I won't make this… I don't want to finish that thought.

The forest is large. People get lost here quite often. I need to catch up with Pearl…My lungs start burning and my ribs are in pain but I keep running, following the barking… and finally… finally it seems to come closer.„Pearl!" I shout but it's more of a pant than a shout. Probably she can't even hear me…And then, the barking dies away. My heart stops for a moment. No… No, that can't be… Try to calm down. It's a good thing she's quiet now, yeah, it is… but I can't convince myself that it's true.A bad feeling grows inside me… Slowly, the trees begin to thin out. The scrub fades. The light turns brighter.I stop, panting. Look at the glade in front of me; a glade covered with colourful-patterned leaves. I struggle for air, have to cough.No trace of Pearl. She's not here. Slowly, with a blurred look, I walk on, my arms crossed as if I was cold.Cross the glade and stop in front of a small pile of stones in its middle, directly under the old oak with the rutted with carvings. Look close at the small, dark and by now rotten wooden cross at it's roots. The black words, written with water- proof felt-tip.

R. I. P. Pearl.

Just a few letters but I realize how tears stream down my face. I wipe them away hastily. Have to swallow.At heart I've known that this would happen. Even though I've hoped that this time it would be different… like I always do.„Give it up," I mumble while I turn away, going back with my head down. „Just stop holding out hope…"But I know that I will do it again. I will come back here, again and again, like I've done all those countless times before – since that December's evening 13 years ago when I had buried Pearl in this place.And I won't stop hoping. Hoping for her to stay with me someday.